'Twas the week after Christmas, and all through the house, Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse. The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste All the holiday parties had all gone to my waist. When I got on the scales, there arose such a number! When I walked through the store, less a walk than a lumber, I remembered the marvelous meals I'd prepared. The gravies and sauces, and beef nicely rared. The wine and the rum balls, the bread and cheese, And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please." As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt, And prepared again to do battle with dirt, I said to myself as only I can "You can't spend all winter disguised as a man!" So, away with the last of the sour cream dip, Get rid of the fruitcake, every cracker and chip. Every last bit of food that I like must be banished Till all the additional pounds have vanished. No cookies, no ice cream, not even a lick. I'll only chew on a long celery stick. I won't have hot biscuits, no corn bread, no pie. I'll munch on carrots and quietly cry. I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore. But isn't that what January is for? Unable to giggle, no longer a riot Happy new Year to all, and to all a good diet!