Posh and Becks

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by Dave Payn, Nov 25, 2003.

  1. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    Posh and Becks are sitting in front of the television watching the six o'clock news. The main story is a man threatening to jump off the Clifton Suspension Bridge on to the busy road below.

    Posh turns to Becks and says: "David, I bet you 5,000 that he jumps!" to which Beckham replies "5,000? Done! I bet that he doesn't." So they shake hands on the bet and continue watching. Sure enough, the man jumps and hits the road below with a loud thud. Beckham takes 5,000 out of his back pocket and hands it to Posh.

    But she refuses. "I can't take your money, David," she says. "The truth is, I was cheating. I saw the five o'clock news, so I knew he was going to jump."

    "No, babe, fair's fair" says David. "That money is yours fair and square I was cheating just as you were. I saw the five o'clock news, too. I just didn't think he would do it again."
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  3. Keppler

    Keppler Moderator Staff Member

    Dave - is this "bad-joke" half-hour or something?
    or are you just trying to increase your popularity for the 12months nominations? ;)
  4. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member


    With some of the jokes I've submitted, I doubt I'd be INCREASING my popularity! I just received a load today and thought I'd share them with my friends on tMP!

    They get worse.... :wink:
  5. Keppler

    Keppler Moderator Staff Member

    I believe it!!
  6. dyl

    dyl Active Member

    David Beckham is celebrating; "43 days, 43 days!" he shouts happilly. Posh asks him why hes celebrating.
    He answers "Well Honey, I've done this jigsaw in only 43 days."

    "And that's good?" asks Posh.
    "You bet Hon" says David."It says 3 to 6 years on the box."
  7. dyl

    dyl Active Member

    David Beckham walks into a library and says, "I'll have a Big Mac and fries, please."
    The librarian replies, "Sir, this is a library."
    Beckham looks embarrassed and whispers, "I'll have a Big Mac and fries."
  8. dyl

    dyl Active Member

    A man meets a friend and sees that his friend's car is a total write-off (THERE'S A GHOST UNDER YOUR BED)and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. He asks his friend, "What's happened to your car?"
    The friend responds "I ran over David Beckham."
    "OK," says the man, "that explains the blood... But what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt?"
    "Well, he tried to escape through the park."
  9. dyl

    dyl Active Member

    David Beckham goes shopping, and sees something interesting in the
    kitchen department of a large department store. "What's that?" he asks.
    "A Thermos flask," replies the assistant. "What does it do?" asks Becks.
    The assistant tells him it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.
    Really impressed, Beckham buys one and takes it along to his next
    training session. "Here, boys, look at this," Beckham says proudly.
    "It's a Thermos flask." The lads are impressed. "What does it do?" they
    ask. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, "says David. "What
    have you got in it?" asks Roy Keane. "Two cups of coffee and a Choc
    ice," replies David
  10. dyl

    dyl Active Member

    Posh takes her car into a garage to have some dents removed. The
    mechanic, knowing she isn't the brightest Spice Girl in the world,
    decides to play a joke on her. "You don't need me to take those dents
    out," he says. "Just blow up the exhaust pipe and the metal will pop
    back into place". So she takes the car home and tries it.

    David spots her from the house, opens a window and shouts "What are you doing? You have to wind the windows up first!"
  11. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    And you know how the old saying goes that after a while an owner starts to look like his dog... well is it just me that thinks Becks looks more and more like Posh these days?
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  13. dyl

    dyl Active Member

    With that hairstyle I think he's beginning to look more and more like and Afghan Hound!
  14. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    Like I said, just like Victoria.....
  15. dyl

    dyl Active Member

    Aw come on Dave, that's not fair - Afghan Hounds aren't that ugly! ;)
  16. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    :lol: :lol:
  17. Dolly

    Dolly Member

    David Beckham is in a press conference and he says "Well I like them, they make my breath fresh..."

    After a moment of stuned silece someone shouts out, "He said TACTICS you thick ****"
  18. Naomi McFadyen

    Naomi McFadyen New Member

    :lol: I bet they'll be a book with all the Posh and Becks jokes in it... it would sell like cup-cakes! Unless there's one out already?!?! lol
  19. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    Well even if it contained one page, it'd certainly be fatter than Victoria Beckham (though not necessarily thicker...)
  20. leisa

    leisa Active Member

    i was stood nxt to david beckham in marks and spencers once and i didnt even know it was him till i got outside hehehehe OoOoOoO the blondness! :twisted:
  21. dyl

    dyl Active Member

    Don't worry about it Leisa - he probably wasn't aware that he was David Beckham! ;)
  22. HBB

    HBB Active Member

    Not many people can say that!!! :D

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