Pointless Musical Products

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by StellaJohnson, Mar 18, 2010.

  1. StellaJohnson

    StellaJohnson Active Member

    Whilst at the Midland Area this year looking around the trade stands, I could help but chuckle at some of the most pointless musical equipment there is on show and there are people who actually buy them. (Please prove me wrong if I don't know what I'm talking about !!)

    I came across and lip balm especially formulated for musicians because obviously the stuff you get at boots are no good for musicians!!??

    Cornet stands, ok if you play in a jazz band and you have a trumpet of something else, but I've seen 3rd row cornet players resting there cornets on them at some band rehearsals. Is it really heavy work putting a cornet on your knee??

    Are we a group of idots who havenothing else better to spend our hard earn cash on these marketed pointless gimicks??
  2. Rapier

    Rapier Supporting Member

    I've noticed those sort of useless items too. Trombones, I think they were called. :D
  3. Mesmerist

    Mesmerist Well-Known Member

    Anything in pink. I`d buy it.
    Mouthpiece with fur-lined rim for outdoor carolling. Yep.
    Diamante flugel cuff links. Yep.
    Diamond encrusted lyre. Yep.
    A cute little bag to clip onto stand for holding water and chocolate. Yep.
    oh yes. sucker time... XXX
  4. WoodenFlugel

    WoodenFlugel Moderator Staff Member

    In defence of instrument stands:

    I use one - I bought one for two good reasons - I didn't want to scratch up my shiny new flugel by putting my music folder over it when I was finding music and also there were a number of times where I almost chucked my (old) flugel on the floor because the elasticated loop that holds the flap closed on our folders got hooked around the 3rd valve slide.

    But I've never seen the point of those mute holders that clip onto your stand. Is it really such a massive effort to reach down to the floor to pick up your mutes?
  5. Mesmerist

    Mesmerist Well-Known Member

    It depends on the underwear you may be wearing WF. If sporting a tight corset under your neat Band uniform there is a danger of spillage and its nigh on impossible to bend down anyway.
  6. David Mann

    David Mann Member

    ..a new opportunity for uniform manufacturers perhaps?
  7. WoodenFlugel

    WoodenFlugel Moderator Staff Member

    I can't say I've ever had that problem Mes...;)
  8. StellaJohnson

    StellaJohnson Active Member

    The gripe I have with cornet stands with what I've seen is the stand goes on the floor where some half wit can easily trip over and is used when another section of the band are playing.
  9. Rapier

    Rapier Supporting Member

    Very useful when some composer wants mutes changed every other bar and can't decide which type.
  10. Mesmerist

    Mesmerist Well-Known Member

    Best not WoodyF or you may end up playing soprano :)
  11. Anno Draconis

    Anno Draconis Well-Known Member

    Also for concerts (or entertainments contests) where your performance incorporates elements of "staging" - moving around to different positions in the band, or even just standing up, can result in a mute kicked over and rolling off the stage.
  12. Mesmerist

    Mesmerist Well-Known Member

    They could market "cheating" dusters. Stick them on the end of your bell and hey ho instant p dynamics. No more practising woohoo! Could be colour coded - blue for pp, purple for p and pink for mf. I`m going to get me a stall...
  13. steve butler

    steve butler Active Member

    Ah! So thats why they call you Messy :biggrin:
    I nearly had a spillage visualising corseted lady flugelists attempting the nigh on impossible:oops:
  14. KMJ Recordings

    KMJ Recordings Supporting Member

    You could get Mr Hemmingway to design them ;)

    Behringer Microphones.
  15. brassneck

    brassneck Active Member

  16. Mesmerist

    Mesmerist Well-Known Member

    I`ll design a special Bass sized duster to mop up any mess. The "Butler Range". Or perhaps one of those aprons with pictures on them. A dickie bow at the top and little matching cycling shorts at the bottom. Even Stella might be tempted.
  17. Rambo Chick

    Rambo Chick Member

    I'm totally in favour of mute holders. As someone mentioned earlier, it can be a bit of a scramble when a particularly demanding composer decides he wants you to use four different mutes in the space of three beats with a semi quaver rest to change over!! Oh yes!!:D

    Plus you can find yourself diving forwards so much when scrambling for mutes that it would make any aerobic workout look easy!! Who needs an ab machine?!

    I'm also in favour of instrument stands where needed. If you happen to be moving around the stage or if you are playing more than one instrument in a performance, they are very useful. Leaving instruments lying on the floor or chairs can be disastrous!! And it looks scruffy too. Stands are great!!:biggrin:
  18. trumpetmike

    trumpetmike Well-Known Member

    I assume you are talking about Chopsaver here - if so, it is the best stuff I have found. I don't use it often, but when I find myself in need of lip balm, it is superb.
    Yes, the "for musicians by musicians" is a little gimmicky, but it works.
  19. llewellynd

    llewellynd Member

    Mute holders are a great way to stop any embarrassing moments the day after a dodgy curry. :oops:
  20. steve butler

    steve butler Active Member

    I know she likes older men - but - I fear I may be a step too far. Although I do think the outfit would look rather good on me :p

    PS can I order a pp bass duster for my good friend Wilky?