Please say this is a wind-up...

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by bigmamabadger, Dec 6, 2005.

  1. bigmamabadger

    bigmamabadger Active Member

    Those readers who love Xmas and the traditional, relentless, three-month orgy of capitalism which precedes it will be delighted to learn that they can now celebrate the season of goodwill to all men while sitting at their desks - thanks to the Tesco musical Xmas sandwich.

    Yup, the UK supermarket monolith has ignored the cautionary tenet which states "Just because no-one's thought of it doesn't mean it's a good idea" (think sea urchin and jojoba extract brandy, for example) and has placed one of those infernal chips from musical greetings cards in its turkey and cranberry sauce sandwich packaging. According to Ananova, the melodious nosh "plays a medley of classic Christmas tunes including Jingle Bells, Santa Claus is Coming to Town and We Wish You a Merry Christmas".

    Tesco spokesman Jonathan Church said: "The concept of musical sandwiches is something we've been looking at for a while now and we thought Christmas would be the perfect time. If they prove to be as successful as we think then we will consider a whole range of musical sandwiches.

    "One idea already under consideration is working with record companies to launch songs by new artists on the market by way of the musical sandwich."

    Terrific. We look forward to the Black Sabbath bat and lettuce sandwich. In the meantime, feel free to nip down to Tesco and grab a musical Xmas sandwich. Before opening it, though, please get on a plane to Chile and proceed directly to the remotest part of the Atacama desert where you will be free to enjoy your singing lunch without the risk of physical assault. Thankyou. ®

    Musical bootnote

    It gets worse. According to an inside source: "You didn't hear it from me, but a musical salad is due for launch next week. My sources tell me that Tesco staff are on the verge of mutiny ;-)"
  2. TheMusicMan

    TheMusicMan tMP Founder Staff Member

    Would that be mutiny on the bounty :biggrin::biggrin:
  3. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    It's no wind up, but a few other suggestions perhaps?

    We Brie Kings of Orient Are
    The Shepherds' Pie Carol
    The Virgin Mary had a mini Baby-Bel
    Good King Wensleydale
    It Came Upon The Midnight Snack
    I Golden Wonder As I Wander
    Walkers In The Air
    Away in a Mango
    Ding Dong Herringly On High
    Sweet Little Cheese-us Child
    Rosti The Snowman
    Christians A-Bake, Salute The Happy Quorn
  4. Chris Sanders

    Chris Sanders Active Member

    we fish you a merry christmas
  5. brassneck

    brassneck Active Member

    - tsk! tsk! Dave!! You forgot the best one of all ... The Flora Dance
  6. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    Unto us is Born A Bun
    A Virgin Most Puree
    I Saw Three Chips
  7. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    Ah, but that's not exactly a Christmas number is it? :) :)
  8. richardhall

    richardhall Member

    Spotted this on the internet today..

    With all the political correctness going on now and as society becomes more litigious, with some of our fellow human beings taking every opportunity to 'take offence at something or blame someone else' the following may be an appropriate annex to attach to any seasonal greetings you may wish to send, . From me ("the wisher") to you ("hereinafter called the wishee"), please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all and a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2005, but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects, and having regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or dietary preference of the wishee. By accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms that: * This greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal * This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the wisher are acknowledged. * This greeting implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes. * This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain wishees in certain jurisdictions and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably may be expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first. * The wisher warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher * Any references in this greeting to "the Lord", "Father Christmas", "Our Saviour", or any other festive figures, whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all proprietary rights in any referenced third party names and images are hereby acknowledged.
  9. Donkey Horn

    Donkey Horn Member

    Am I glad we don't have a Tescos here or what!
  10. Brassb3ll3nd

    Brassb3ll3nd Member

    And at £2.99 a throw, they're extremely good value ................................

  11. brassneck

    brassneck Active Member

    - then again, your lot aren't exactly sandwiches .... ;)
  12. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    That's because, as ever, I'm a few sandwiches short of a picnic! :)
  13. Laserbeam bass

    Laserbeam bass Active Member


    Thou art obviously behind the times. It is a certainty that this cannot be a wind up, as Trevor Bayliss had nothing to do with its invention :wink:
  14. WhatSharp?

    WhatSharp? Active Member

    You missed out :

    Silent Bite
    Rudolf the Rednosed Reindeer Sandwich (with Mayo)
    My Sandwich is stuck up the chimney
    A Little Brown with Bestest Ham
  15. rutty

    rutty Active Member

  16. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    Music and movement, huh?
  17. 2nd man down

    2nd man down Moderator Staff Member

    I bet that Toilet Water-Music is brilliant to play, you can give it some right pan-Handel ;)
  18. PeterBale

    PeterBale Moderator Staff Member

    There's always an appropriate march: "Royal Flushy", and that Count Basin number, "Take the A drain" ;)
  19. bigmamabadger

    bigmamabadger Active Member

    Oh what have I started...:oops:

  20. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    Or, returning to more festive tunes

    The First 'Bowel'l

    'Flush', My Dear, Lie Still And Slumber


    A Great and Mighty Chunder

    And Benjamin Britten's New Year Carol's first line is: 'Here We Bring New Water!'!

    And to any German tMp-ers out there... Guten 'U-Bend'! :)