player betrayal

Discussion in 'The Rehearsal Room' started by Majoresteve, Oct 27, 2004.

  1. Majoresteve

    Majoresteve Member

    one of the bass players in my youth band, has decided 2 rehearsals before the bands only contest of the year, that hes leaving. personally i see this as a complete betrayal of the band. as i understand it he left because he felt he was being treated badly by the management. but still 2 rehearsals before a contest??

    i also sent him a email saying this, and some how he managed to turn it round so now the entire band thinks he left because of something i did, im just angry so i thought i would post.

    *getting coat*
  2. tubafran

    tubafran Active Member

    Steve understand your concern but sometimes it's best not to shoot from the hip. If you're right and you know your right stick with it but some times a quiet chat with someone else in band might just help to sort out the problem.

    This is from personal experience as I'm currently dealing with an issue with one of our band members.
  3. TYBB Director

    TYBB Director New Member

    I feel for you. I have had this happen, although it was not before a contest, it is still a bit frustrating. The real losers are the other kids in the band because they work so hard and don't have a full band going to get the payoff. Maybe some of your kids can talk the kid back in for the contest???

  4. Incognito

    Incognito Member

    Perhaps he would have been betraying himself if he had stayed?

    Ask yourself if it has stopped being fun.
    If it has then it will turn lots of people off.

    When I was playing for a living I could put up with any amount of boredom and difficulty as long as I knew there was a nice pay cheque at the end of it.
    Now that I do it for fun it has to keep being fun.
    I only have a limited amount of spare time and I want to use it in pleasurable ways.

    Unfortunately too many bands take themselves far too seriously, over rehearse beofre contests and forget about entertainment.

    I am not saying this is your problem at all, but most of the people I know who have left bands recently have said it was because its not fun any more.
  5. peatair

    peatair Member

    For whatever reason HE seems to have FELT that he was being badly treated. I hope that he was mature enough to talk to someone in authority about his concern(s). If, having had such a chat, he got no satisfaction then I guess that I could not really blame him. After all, banding has to be enjoyable.
  6. brasscrest

    brasscrest Active Member

    I'd still question his timing. Getting out because of bad conditions is one thing, but leaving the band just before a contest seems to be a slap at the other members more than at the band management. I once had a situation where I was considering leaving a band because of some differences with the MD. I eventually did leave, but waited until the end of the season so as to allow the maximum amount of time with no engagements for a replacement to be found - not because I wanted to make it easy on the management, but because I wanted to make it easier on the remaining members.
  7. Majoresteve

    Majoresteve Member

    yep and thats exactly why im complaining! i couldnt care less if e left or not, but two rehearsals to go, to tell us hes not playing that in my opinion is appalling.
  8. Majoresteve

    Majoresteve Member

    yes, i actually regret sending the email now. but whats done is done, and i now have to live with it.

    the rest of the band members seemed to accept that he had left with 2 rehearsals to go, and they seem fine with this??!!

    so, im going to be leaving the youth band! and joining another one, one that actually wants to succeed.
  9. Spanky Rear

    Spanky Rear Member


    Incognito is right I think. Pros are over a barrel------MONEY!!!! Amateurs supposedly do it for fun and are relatively free agents. So all you committees and Band managers out there have to tread more carefully.Make sure that at all times you know what your members wishes and thoughts are. Don't,if possible,have things sprung on you. Keep your ears to the ground and talk to all your members so that grievances and resentments don't fester.Try and build Band numbers up so that 'reserves' are available as they surely will be when things like this occur.
  10. Okiedokie of Oz

    Okiedokie of Oz Active Member

    It sounds like contest or no contest, whatever he was dealing with, he'd reached hit boiling point. Would you have rathered he had a public falling out before departing? Would you have preferred him not try at contest?

    All you can do is cope, and hope that everyone else is impressed by your work, and they move to accomodate his poor timing.
  11. Naomi McFadyen

    Naomi McFadyen New Member

    People come and go, for whatever reasons... and however frustrating it is, the band would have had to have excepted it. Can't make and force players to stay... and if he wasn't being treated fairly by the "management", then I think that's sad... however, not knowing details (and not really wanting to) it's hard to comment and I'm not going to take sides here...

    Yes, I can see and know how frustrating it is people turning you down or leaving just before a contest, but at the end of the day, you have to get on with the team you have...

    I'm sure STYB want to do well, the people around you work hard for that band, dispight the problems that arise every now and again...
    Sadly it's all part of banding...

    I don't see what help you leaving will do to be honest... and complaining won't make things much better; or this bass player come back... but if that's what you want, so be it...

    Send my regards to not-so-little-Daryl for me... (personal joke)....

    All the best!

  12. JR

    JR Member

  13. lynchie

    lynchie Active Member

    To be honest, from what I remember of youth band management (ie, the committee rather than the md) in a number of youth bands, they can be pretty awful. Personally I'd just accept it and get on with it, these things happen. If he'd have gone on stage resenting the band it could have been even worse. Just do your thing and hope for the best. I don't think singling out people in banding is ever a good idea.
  14. ScrapingtheBottom

    ScrapingtheBottom Active Member

    He's left, what else can you do? There's no point in sending angry emails to him, it's not going to make him come back. Why not set about finding a replacement instead?
  15. DublinBass

    DublinBass Supporting Member

  16. sparkling_quavers

    sparkling_quavers Active Member

    Leaving before a just contest is an obvious "you hurt me so now I am really going to stuff you" situation. The player is trying gain the upper-hand in the situation and get the control back - whether sub-conscious or not! It's very sad really because gossip flies so quickly in banding and someone in a youth band is far too young to start getting 'black-marks' against their name, as JR said. I know politics can be awful in bands at all levels (not something that should be gone into on here) but in those situations the player may be getting their one-up on the committee but at the same time are letting all their friends/collegues in the band down.

    Saying all that if he has left, then it's over, just concentrate on getting someone else in to dep for the job!
  17. trumpetmike

    trumpetmike Well-Known Member

    It happens.
    Getting angry about it won't help matters in the slightest.

    It can be frustrating when somebody does this to you so close to a contest, but unless you have written contracts with them, what are you gonna do?
    I can see this from both sides of things - if he wasn't happy with the way things were, why stick around? He may have no sense of loyalty, or maybe he feels that his loyalty has been pushed beyond where he was comfortable. We don't know all the facts on here, so it would be daft to speculate too far.
    You feel frustrated, but have you asked yourself the real reason why he has left? Could it be that there have been circumstances you are not aware of?

    It has happened, there is nothing you can now do about it, move on - at the contest go on stage and play your best.

    I have been called on to dep for a band on 2 hours notice, due to someone pulling out.

    If that was a professional group it would be a different matter (contractual obligations etc), but it isn't - loyalty to a band is often assumed, but it doesn't exist for everybody. This sort of stuff happens, don't overly stress yourself, just go out and do the contest to the best of your ability and show them that you didn't actually need them in order to do well.
  18. Chunky

    Chunky Active Member

    If he wants to go you cant stop him. His timing is awful, I agree but it may just make the band pull together and stick the proverbial two fingers up to him!

    We had an instance when on the last rehearsal before a contest, the conductor started the rehearsal by stating that the contest would be his last job and he was moving to band that he thought were better and would help him progress.

    The Chairman asked the Conductor to leave the room, for a moment, spoke to the deputy MD and asked if was prepared to take the band, he said yes, the band all agreed for the deputy MD to take the band that night and at the contest. Upshot was we won the contest, beating the band the previous MD was going to join!
  19. Naomi McFadyen

    Naomi McFadyen New Member

    Out of interest, I can't help but wonder what contest this is exactly... the SWBBA contest isn't until Nov 6th, which I believe STYB are playing in...

    Is the "2 rehearsals" a bit of an overexagoration? (sp!!)... because there is definatly more than 2 rehearsals worth left before this contest...

    Just an observation

  20. skweeky

    skweeky Member

    no offense to your intelligence naruco :D youth bands normally practise at a weekend, at least a fortnight apart ;)

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