One for the students out there.

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by Sam Atherton, Mar 4, 2004.

  1. Sam Atherton

    Sam Atherton Member

  2. Straightmute

    Straightmute Active Member

    Sorry, it failed. (No bibliography). And I suspect that James McFadyen is a he not an it.

    D
     
  3. Sam Atherton

    Sam Atherton Member

    :|
    (Because there isn't an emoticon for 'straight-face, trying very hard not to comment'!)

    The ginger test is pretty accurate though!
     
  4. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    Juvenile it may be, but typing in 'farting' brings some interesting results....
     
  5. ScrapingtheBottom

    ScrapingtheBottom Active Member

    Sorry had to do this:

    An essay on the trombone

    Issues surrounding the trombone can never be over analysed. At one stage or another, every man woman or child will be faced with the issue of the trombone. Though the trombone is a favourite topic of discussion amongst monarchs, presidents and dictators, there are just not enough blues songs written about the trombone. It is estimated that that the trombone is thought about eight times every day by the over 50, who are yet to grow accustomed to its disombobulating nature. Relax, sit back and gasp as I display the rich tapestries of the trombone.

    Social Factors

    Society begins and ends with the trombone. When blues legend 'Bare Foot D' remarked 'awooooh eeee only my dawg understands me' [1] he failed to understand that if one seriously intends to 'not judge a book by its cover', then one must read a lot of books. A society without the trombone is like a society without knowledge, in that it demonstrates a coherent approach, something so lacking in our culture, that it is not recognised by all.

    Primarily the trombone builds trust among the people. It has been said that the one thing in society which could survive a nuclear attack is the trombone. This is incorrect, actually cockroaches are the only thing which can survive a nuclear attack.

    Economic Factors

    There has been a great deal of discussion in the world of economics, centred on the value of the trombone. We will study the Lead-a-Duck-to-Water model, a complex but ultimately rewarding system.

    Average
    Wage



    the trombone

    The statistics make it clear that the trombone is a major market factor. In spite of the best efforts of The World Bank the average wage world wide are driven entirely by the trombone. Strong fluctuations in investor confidence have been seen over the past two financial years.

    Political Factors

    Politics has in some areas been seen to embrace an increasing ananiathesis of intergovernmentalism leading to neo-functionalism. Contrasting the numerous political activists campaigning for the interests of the trombone can be like looking at the trombone now, and its equivalent in the 1800s.

    Let us consider the words of that silver tongued orator, the famous political Bartholomew T. Time 'Taking a walk across hot coals will inevitably hurt your feet.' [2] This quotation leads me to suspect that he was not unaccustomed to the trombone. It speaks volumes. If I may be as bold as to paraphrase, he was saying that 'political ideals are built on the solid cornerstone of the trombone.'
    One thing's certain. The Human species liberally desires the trombone, and whats more human than politics?

    Conclusion

    In summary, the trombone is both a need and a want. It collaborates successfully, brings glamour to an unglamorous time and is always fashionably late.

    As a parting shot here are the words of super-star Nicole Zeta-Jones 'It's been nice educating you.' [3]


    [1] Bare Foot D - Classic - 1967 Stinton Records

    [2] Time - Yes Indeed - 1987 Indegro Books

    [3] Everything you always wanted to know about the trombone, but were afraid to ask. - Issue 287 - QKS Publishing
     
  6. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    No less could I resist this....

    An essay on pants
    Issues surrounding pants can never be over analysed. I really, really like pants. Indispensable to homosapians today, there are just not enough blues songs written about pants. The juxtapositioning of pants with fundamental economic, social and political strategic conflict draws criticism from the easily lead, who are yet to grow accustomed to its disombobulating nature. Here begins my indepth analysis of the glourious subject of pants.

    Social Factors

    While some scholars have claimed that there is no such thing as society, this is rubbish. When J H Darcy said 'fevour will spread' [1] she was clearly refering to the impact of pants on today's society. Difference among people, race, culture and society is essential on the survival of our world, however pants smells of success.

    Recent thought on pants has been a real eye-opener for society from young to old. It is intrinsically linked to adolescent inner acclimatisation.

    Economic Factors

    Increasingly economic growth and innovation are being attributed to pants. We will begin by looking at the JTB-Guide-Dog model using the median instead of the mean, where possible. Transport
    Costs

    pants


    There are a number of reasons which may be attributed to this unquestionable correlation. Seemingly transport costs will continue to follow pants for the foreseeable future. The financial press seems unable to make up its mind on these issues which unsettles investors.

    Political Factors

    Politics - smolitics! Contrasting the numerous political activists campaigning for the interests of pants can be like looking at pantsilisation, as it's become known, and one's own sense of morality.

    To quote that most brilliant mind Bonaventure Tuigamala 'I don't believe in ghosts, but I do believe in democracy.' [2] Primarily, he is referring to pants. Both spectacular failure and unequaled political accomplishment may be accredited to pants.

    While pants may be a giant amongst men, is it a dwarf amongst policy? I hope not.
    Conclusion

    In my opinion pants has played a large part in the development of man in the 20th Century and its influence remains strong. It inspires, ensures financial stability and is a joy to behold.

    One final thought from the talented Wyclef Garfunkel: 'I love pants? Yes! Hurray for pants!' [3]
     
  7. Sam Atherton

    Sam Atherton Member

    I knew it! :wink: :lol:
     
  8. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    I can almost hear lots of tMP based keyboards hurriedly typing in 'percussion' as an essay criterion.... ;-)
     
  9. Naomi McFadyen

    Naomi McFadyen New Member

    well that's cool...
    I put in Elvis Presley... it's one of my assignments for uni...

    Followed by this:


    An essay on Chocolate Muffins
    In order to understand our selves, we must first understand Chocolate Muffins. Underestimate Chocolate Muffins at your peril. While much has been written on its influence on contemporary living, its influence on western cinema has not been given proper recognition. Since it was first compared to antidisestablishmentarianism much has been said concerning Chocolate Muffins by the easily lead, obviously. Relax, sit back and gasp as I display the rich tapestries of Chocolate Muffins.

    Social Factors

    Comparisons between Roman Society and Medieval Society give a clear picture of the importance of Chocolate Muffins to developments in social conduct. I will not insult the readers inteligence by explaining this obvious comparison any further. When J H Darcy said 'fevour will spread' [1] she could have been making a reference to Chocolate Muffins, but probably not. More a melody to societies dysfunctions than a parody of the self, Chocolate Muffins irons out misconceptions from our consciousness.

    Status, Security, Fame - Chocolate Muffins, all revolve around this 'golden fleece'. Clearly it promotes higher individualism and obeyence of instinct. As soon as a child meets Chocolate Muffins they are changed.

    Economic Factors

    Our world is driven by supply and demand. We shall examine the Watkis-Teeth-Pulling model using the median instead of the mean, where possible. Annual

    Military
    Budget (this graph went up!!! of course ;-))

    Chocolate Muffins


    How do we explain these clear trends? Recent studies indicate that the annual military budget will eventually break free from the powerful influence of Chocolate Muffins, but not before we see a standardised commercial policy for all. A sharp down turn in middle class investment may lead to changes in the market.

    Political Factors

    Much of the writings of historians display the conquests of the most powerful nations over less powerful ones. Comparing the electoral politics of most Western and Eastern European countries is like comparing Chocolate Muffins and ones own image of themselves.

    To quote nobel prize winner Elijah Lionel Forbes Dickinson 'The success of any political system can only truly be assessed once the fat lady has sung.' [2] Amazingly, he new nothing of Chocolate Muffins until he was well into his thirties. I feel strongly that if politicians spent less time thinking about Chocolate Muffins and put more effort into their family life, that we would have a very different country.

    Is Chocolate Muffins politically correct, in every sense? Each man, woman and to a lesser extent, child, must make up their own mind.
    Conclusion

    We can say with certainty Chocolate Muffins is, to use the language of the streets 'Super Cool.' It brings peace, it stimulates and figures show it's a winning formular.

    I will leave the last word to the famous Britney Astaire: 'I would say without a shadow of a doubt: Chocolate Muffins ROCKS!!! [3]

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    [1] J H Darcy - The Spaniard - 1988 - PPT

    [2] Dickinson - I Am The Dickinster - 1999 Hughs Books

    [3] Your guide to Chocolate Muffins - Issue 98 - T36 Publishing

    :lol: :D :) :twisted: 8) :wink:
     
  10. newtons third law brings up a graph of oil prices against newtons thiord law
     
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  12. Dan

    Dan Member

    and just NOT to be different, thought i'd add this...................

    An essay on the mouth piece dot com
    I shall now enrich your life by sharing with you about the mouth piece dot com. The constantly changing fashionable take on the mouth piece dot com demonstrates the depth of the subject. Though the mouth piece dot com is a favourite topic of discussion amongst monarchs, presidents and dictators, it is impossible to overestimate its impact on modern thought. Inevitably the mouth piece dot com is often misunderstood by those politicaly minded individuals living in the past, many of whom blame the influence of television. Keeping all of this in mind, in this essay I will examine the major issues.

    Social Factors

    While some scholars have claimed that there is no such thing as society, this is rubbish. Upon Peter Pinkleton-PishPosh's return to Britain he remarked 'class will refelect the inner hero' [1], he created a monster which society has been attempting to tame ever since. Much has been said about the influence of the media on the mouth piece dot com. Observers claim it provides standards by which we may judge our selves.

    Primarily the mouth piece dot com builds trust among the people. Society is powered by peer pressure, one of the most powerful forces in the world. As long as peer pressure uses its power for good, the mouth piece dot com will have its place in society.

    Economic Factors

    The preceding section may have shed some light on society but to really understand man you must know how he spends his money. We will begin by looking at the JTB-Guide-Dog model using the median instead of the mean, where possible. Transport
    Costs

    the mouth piece dot com


    What a splendid graph. Obviously transport costs is in financial terms 'holding hands with the mouth piece dot com.' The financial press seems unable to make up its mind on these issues which unsettles investors.

    Political Factors

    Politics - smolitics! Contrasting the numerous political activists campaigning for the interests of the mouth piece dot com can be like looking at night and day.

    In the words of the uncompromising Augstin Lionel Forbes Dickinson 'People in glass houses shouldn't through parties.' [2] What a fantastic quote. To paraphrase, the quote is saying 'the mouth piece dot com wins votes.' Simple as that.

    While the mouth piece dot com may be a giant amongst men, is it a dwarf amongst policy? I hope not.
    Conclusion

    In conclusion, the mouth piece dot com plays a large part in the lives of all. It inspires, invades where necessary and it is human.

    I shall give the final word to star Miles Poppins: 'I love the mouth piece dot com? Yes! Hurray for the mouth piece dot com!' [3]
     
  13. James McFadyen

    James McFadyen New Member

    :roll:
     
  14. HBB

    HBB Active Member

  15. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    LMAO! The funniest things are often the simplest and most stupid! It's like my favourite Monty Python Sketch: Cheese shop? Nope. Parrot sketch? Nope. Any of the songs? Nope. (Sorry to go off topic here mods....) My favourite Monty Python sketch which still makes me laugh every time I hear it is the Death of Mary, Queen of Scots.
     
  16. jameshowell

    jameshowell Active Member

    Come on. we've known it all along, now we have proof... :lol:

    An essay on brass players

    Man's greatest achievement? Perhaps not, but can you afford not to read on when I am about to tell you about brass players? Advancments in brass players can be linked to many areas. While it has been acknowledged that it has an important part to play in the development of man, spasmodically it returns to create a new passion amongst those who study its history. Inevitably feelings run deep amongst global commercial enterprises, trapped by their infamous history. At the heart of the subject are a number of key factors. I plan to examine each of these factors in detail and and asses their importance.

    Social Factors
    Comparisons between Roman Society and Medieval Society give a clear picture of the importance of brass players to developments in social conduct. I will not insult the readers inteligence by explaining this obvious comparison any further. When The Tygers of Pan Tang sang 'It's lonely at the top. Everybody's trying to do you in' [1] , they globalised an issue which had remained buried in the hearts of our ancestors for centuries. While the western world use a knife and fork, the Chinese use chopsticks. Of course brass players cleary plays a significant role amongst the developing middle classes.

    Some analysts have been tempted to disregard brass players. I haven’t. Clearly it promotes higher individualism and obeyence of instinct. As soon as a child meets brass players they are changed.

    Economic Factors
    Derived from 'oikonomikos,' which means skilled in household management, the word economics is synonymous with brass players. We will study the Custard-Not-Mustard model, a complex but ultimately rewarding system.

    There is no longer a need to argue the importance of brass players, it is clear to see that the results speak for themselves. The question which surfaces now is, how? Of course interest sings a very different tune. A sharp down turn in middle class investment may lead to changes in the market.

    Political Factors
    Much of the writings of historians display the conquests of the most powerful nations over less powerful ones. Contrasting the numerous political activists campaigning for the interests of brass players can be like looking at the vote of the man in the street with that of one more accustomed to brass players.
    Consider this, spoken at the tender age of 14 by style icon Achilles H. Amster 'Taking a walk across hot coals will inevitably hurt your feet.' [2] Considered by many to be one of the 'Founding Fathers' of brass players, his words cannot be over-looked. It is a well known 'secret' that what prompted many politicians to first strive for power was brass players.
    One thing's certain. The Human species liberally desires brass players, and whats more human than politics?

    Conclusion
    To reiterate, brass players is, to use the language of the streets 'Super Cool.' It collaborates successfully, it stimulates and figures show it's a winning formular.

    What a great essay. Finally a word from super-star Shania Astaire: 'I wouldn't be where I am today without brass players.' [3]

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    [1] Tygers of Pang Tang - The Cage - 1982 MCR Records
    [2] Amster - The Popular Vote - 2002 Worldwide Publishing
    [3] Go mad for brass players - Issue 132 - Kendeal Books
     
  17. Lothianh

    Lothianh Member

    Isn't that just before the penguin on top of the telly explodes?? Another LMAO moment, in my opinion, for many of the same reasons. :-D

    -Lothian
     
  18. Lothianh

    Lothianh Member

    Inspired by Naruco's paean to chocolate chip muffins, here is my essay on the wonders of Krispy Kreme, slightly edited for clarity.

    -Lothian

    ----------------------
    An essay on Krispy Kreme donuts

    Issues surrounding Krispy Kreme donuts can never be over analysed. Advancments in Krispy Kreme donuts can be linked to many areas. Remarkably Krispy Kreme donuts are heralded by shopkeepers and investment bankers alike, leading many to state that Krispy Kreme donuts are not given the credit they deserve for inspiring many of the worlds famous painters. It still has the power to shock global commercial enterprises, who are yet to grow accustomed to its discombobulating nature. With the primary aim of demonstrating my considerable intellect I will now demonstrate the complexity of the many faceted issue that is Krispy Kreme donuts.

    Social Factors

    While some scholars have claimed that there is no such thing as society, this is rubbish. When blues legend 'Bare Foot D' remarked 'awooooh eeee only my dawg understands me' [1] he globalised an issue which had remained buried in the hearts of our ancestors for centuries. Both tyranny and democracy are tried and questioned. Yet Krispy Kreme donuts cleary play a significant role amongst the developing middle classes.

    When one is faced with people of today a central theme emerges - Krispy Kreme donuts are either adored or despised, they leave no one undecided. Clearly they promote higher individualism and obeyence of instinct. As soon as a child meets Krispy Kreme donuts they are changed.

    Political Factors

    No man is an island, but what of politics? Comparing the ideals of the young with the reality felt by their elders is like contrasting Krispy Kreme donutism and post-Krispy Kreme donutism.

    Take a moment to consider the words of that most brilliant mind Kuuipo Woodpecker 'Man's greatest enemy is complacency with regards to personal and political hygiene.' [2] He was first introduced to Krispy Kreme donuts by his mother. Both spectacular failure and unequaled political accomplishment may be accredited to Krispy Kreme donuts.

    Where do we go from here? Only time will tell.

    Conclusion

    What can we conclude? Well, Krispy Kreme donuts must not be allowed to get in the way of the bigger question: why are we here? Putting this aside, they of great importance. They establishes order, brings glamour to an unglamorous time and most importantly it perseveres.

    What a great essay. Finally a word from super-star Whoopi J. Fox: 'Krispy Kreme is the new rock and roll! And the new opera!' [3]

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    [1] Bare Foot D - Classic - 1967 Stinton Records

    [2] Woodpecker - Serving The Greats - 1990 Palmerston House Publishing

    [3] Go mad for Krispy Kreme donuts - Issue 132 - Kendeal Books
     
  19. Roger Thorne

    Roger Thorne Active Member

    Here's a topical essay for the next few weekends:

    An essay on The 2004 Regional Area Qualifiers
    I shall now enrich your life by sharing with you about The 2004 Regional Area Qualifiers. There are many factors which influenced the development of The 2004 Regional Area Qualifiers. Until recently considered taboo amongst polite society, it is impossible to overestimate its impact on modern thought. Crossing many cultural barriers it still draws remarks such as 'Tuning,' 'Percussion too loud' and 'i'd rather eat wasps' from the upper echelons of progressive service sector organisations, trapped by their infamous history. Hold onto your hats as we begin a journey into The 2004 Regional Area Qualifiers.

    Social Factors
    As Reflected in classical mythology society is complicated. When Sir Bernard Chivilary said 'hounds will feast on society' he could have been making a reference to The 2004 Regional Area Qualifiers, but probably not. Difference among people, race, culture and society is essential on the survival of our world, however The 2004 Regional Area Qualifiers bravely illustrates what we are most afraid of, what we all know deep down in our hearts.

    Recent thoughts on The 2004 Regional Area Qualifiers has been a real eye-opener for society from young to old. It breaks the mould, shattering man's misunderstanding of man.

    The 2004 Regional Area Qualifiers is strong. What is the secret to its strength? Seemingly interest will eventually break free from the powerful influence of The 2004 Regional Area Qualifiers, but not before we see a standardised commercial policy for all. The economic policy spectrum is seeing a period of unprecedented growth.

    Political Factors
    The media have made politics quite a spectacle. Looking at the spectrum represented by a single political party can be reminiscent of comparing The 2004 Regional Area Qualifiers and former Wolves striker Steve Bull.

    Let us consider the words of that silver tongued orator, award winning journalist Kuuipo Rock 'Political idealists must ideally deal, for I daily list my ideals politically.' Primarily, he is referring to The 2004 Regional Area Qualifiers. To paraphrase, the quote is saying 'The 2004 Regional Area Qualifiers wins votes.' Simple as that.

    Is The 2004 Regional Area Qualifiers politically correct, in every sense? Each man, woman and to a lesser extent, child, must make up their own mind.

    Conclusion
    In conclusion, The 2004 Regional Area Qualifiers is, to use the language of the streets 'Super Cool.' It questions, influences the influencers, and statistically it's great. (see tMP statistics)

    The final say goes to the award winning Justin Travolta: 'I wouldn't be where I am today without The 2004 Regional Area Qualifiers.'

    Interesting!

    :wink:
     
  20. Jo Elson

    Jo Elson Member

    not much use to me as a student, but still very funny.
     
  21. Sam Atherton

    Sam Atherton Member

    If only our adjudicators remarks last year had been that constructive!! :?
     
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