Oh no!! What have I done?!

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by HorniKaz, Apr 13, 2005.

  1. HorniKaz

    HorniKaz Supporting Member

    As I'm a very kind hearted soul, I agreed to do a speech at my sister-in-laws wedding. OK, I admit it. I'd had a couple of drinks when I said I'd do it!! :rolleyes:

    The bride is doing the speech instead of the groom, who is very quiet! The bestman is also of a shy nature & so as chief bridesmaid, I'm taking his place! :eek:

    Haven't a clue about what I'm actually going to say, so has anyone got any ideas? The wedding is on the 1st May so not much time left!!

    Please help!

  2. mikelyons

    mikelyons Supporting Member

    Lots of rude remarks about the bride's mother

    Lot's of rude asides about the groom's abilities in the child development area
    Lot's of grassing up of bride's and groom's indiscretions
    Tawdry old jokes about underfelt, come-uppance and so on
    Tasteless references to various anatomical irregularities of either party
    Any age discrepancy
    You cover that lot and you've done a good job.

    Ask me mum how well I did at our Denise's wedding. ;)
  3. HorniKaz

    HorniKaz Supporting Member

    Problem is, that's my mother-in-law!!!!:eek:
  4. 2nd man down

    2nd man down Moderator Staff Member

    How about (very very quietly of course)
    "I'm sorry, of course I'd love to do it but unfortunataly I've fallen victim to this hideous bout of near fatal laringitis!!"?
  5. satchmo shaz

    satchmo shaz Active Member

    there are plenty of books about but Bob Monkhouses one is the best, it covers all speeches including weddings and is full of one liners

    Also get someone to help you who knows the people involved or someone who can "chip" in
  6. sterlingsop

    sterlingsop Member

    Don't know if it's coz I'm psychic, or if it's extremely good planning on tMP's part, but the links at the bottom of this page when I looked are all about speeches!!! Best Man Speech Database, speeches.com, wedding speeches ...... Blimey!!!

    Good luck with it Kaz - just remember that you can't go wrong if you stick to the basics: thank everyone who turned up, thank everyone who has made the day so special (don't forget your mother in law!), tell a few jokes (don't have to be related to the couple or anything) and end with a toast to the bride and groom. And don't get drunk before you do it!!

    Have fun xx
  7. Roger Thorne

    Roger Thorne Active Member

    tMP - Tailored to suit your every need.

  8. DublinBass

    DublinBass Supporting Member

    Then you should have lots of dirt on her ;)