More Limerick starters

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by Dave Payn, Oct 28, 2003.

  1. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    After the excellent first thread (with particularly witty contributions from Peter Bale and lynchie) try these for size....


    'I once met a brass band conductor,' (tempting, I know....)

    'I went out and bought a straight mute,'

    'The Mouthpiece, the brass forum site,' (Behave, Payn...)

    'The thing about brass bands down south,'
     
  2. PeterBale

    PeterBale Moderator Staff Member

    I once met a brass band conductor
    Who sat on a horse, but it bucked her;
    She fell on a cornet,
    Said "Oh dear, that's torn it" -
    The Committee immediately chucked her.

    I went out and bought a straight mute,
    The reason? - I thought it looked cute -
    But, though it was funny,
    I'd wasted my money -
    Forgotten I'm now playing flute!

    The Mouthpiece, the brass forum site,
    Once gave everyone there a fright;
    The postings were frozen,
    'Cause someone had chosen
    To switch off the server all night.
     
  3. PeterBale

    PeterBale Moderator Staff Member

    The thing about brass bands down south,
    They always feel down in the mouth:
    'Gainst bands from the north
    They can only come fourth -
    P'rhaps they should all move to Louth!
     
  4. lynchie

    lynchie Active Member

    I went out and bought a straight mute,
    For the colour went well with my suit,
    The rest of the band,
    Said it clashed with my stand,
    But it made a quite wonderful toot.
     
  5. frisp

    frisp Member

    The Mouthpiece, the Brass forum site,
    gives sad peeps like me a small fright,
    We play Bb bass
    and think it quite ace
    that limericks give some folks delight!!!!

    Lynchie, you're my God!!!!!!!!!

    It's nice to see the limerick being recognised as an art form on TmP, I used to shout at the moon with mine and everyone thought me a weirdo :p
     
  6. lynchie

    lynchie Active Member

    Have to say that's a first! Oh and it probably wont stop people calling you weird!!! :D
     
  7. frisp

    frisp Member

    I once met a brass band conductor
    Who laughed as he described his abductor
    "I got carried away
    By a horn player gay
    Who stuck me behind his red back door" :?: :idea: :?:

    I went out and bought a straight mute,
    It looked in my Bass quite quite cute
    I think I have found
    Though it cost thirty pound
    A horn mute in a Bass doesn't toot
     
  8. frisp

    frisp Member

    As mama used to say, weird is as weid does...

    Chocolate..?
     
  9. lynchie

    lynchie Active Member

    The Mouthpiece, the brass forum site
    Is a place of much varied delight
    While banders will grin
    When they go out and win
    If they lose its the judge being tight
     
  10. johnflugel

    johnflugel Active Member

    I once met a brass band conductor,
    Who Illinois Brass looked up to,
    He minced round the stand,
    Like a puff down the strand,
    yet still beat two bands who are done for


    John
    Rothwell Temps

    p.s nothing personal intended to homosexuals, cwmaman or Carlton Main!
     
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  12. johnflugel

    johnflugel Active Member

    I went out and bought a straight mute,
    then went to Queensberry via the usual route,
    the mute was cold but the conductor said 'be bold...
    and make Nimrod a quieter toot!'

    John
    Rothwell Temps
     
  13. johnflugel

    johnflugel Active Member

    The thing about brass bands down south,
    From Kettering through to Bournemouth,
    In big contests they're poor,Northern bands to the fore,
    It's a miracle if they come above 12th

    John
    Rothwell Temps (12th at the Masters, so I can't be too serious!)
     
  14. timbloke

    timbloke Member

    'I once met a brass band conductor,' (tempting, I know....)
    On an open top bus "costs ten-buck" tour
    his baton he waved
    at the people he'd saved
    by riding around on his good luck hor(se)

    well it kinda works.


    'I went out and bought a straight mute,'
    a black one the colour of sooooot
    made by dennis wick
    it started to click
    when i kicked it around with my fooooot


    'The Mouthpiece, the brass forum site,' (Behave, Payn...)
    is full of things brass banders write
    it fills up each day
    with the words that they say
    so much now i can't sleep at night


    'The thing about brass bands down south,'
    is the words that they use are so rouwth ["rough" - in an essex accent]
    they're geezers daaan there
    "innit", "maaaan", "oi! me hair"
    they like spitting such things thing from their mouth!

    [disclaimer, i am actually a southerner and grew up in a southern band - yeah innit!!]
     
  15. lynchie

    lynchie Active Member

    I once met a brass band conductor
    Whose wife played the flute so he chucked her
    He found a new girl
    Who gave tuba a whirl
    And she screamed like a sop when he plucked her...







    ...eyebrows...

    Sorry, it's just so hard to come up with family friendly rhyming lines!
     
  16. The Cornet King

    The Cornet King Active Member

    The thing about Brass bands down south,
    Is when they put the instruments to their mouth,
    The sound's so sadistic,
    It drives everyone ballistic,
    Though what do you expect, they are from the south.
     
  17. Lothianh

    Lothianh Member

    Towards the Illinois Brass Band, however.....?? :)

    BTW, you can see the IBB and their MD at the U.S. Open Brass Band Championships next weekend - November 8.

    www.prairiebrass.org/usopen

    -Lothian
     
  18. DublinBass

    DublinBass Supporting Member

    That just made my day :lol:

    Here's one ...

    The Mouthpiece, the brass forum site
    where I am at often late at night
    I will amuse my self
    (with spending wealth)
    saving me a sad, unfortunate plight
     
  19. Lothianh

    Lothianh Member

    Mr. Herak has brought back a thread,
    That once could be counted as dead.
    To say any more might annoy,
    Our banding colleagues in Illinois,
    Very tempting...but I think I'll just go to bed!

    :lol:

    -Lothian
     

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