More language 'funnies'

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by Dave Payn, Jun 29, 2004.

  1. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    Worst analogies ever written in a high school essay

    He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
    Joseph Romm, Washington

    She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
    Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station

    The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
    Russell Beland, Springfield

    McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
    Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring

    From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
    Roy Ashley, Washington

    Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
    Chuck Smith, Woodbridge

    Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
    Russell Beland, Springfield

    Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake
    Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills

    Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

    He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
    Jack Bross, Chevy Chase

    The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
    Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring

    Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."
    Russell Beland, Springfield

    Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
    Jennifer Hart, Arlington

    The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
    Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.

    John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
    Russell Beland, Springfield

    The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
    Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria

    His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free
    Chuck Smith, Woodbridge

    The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
  2. lynchie

    lynchie Active Member


    Slow day at work Dave?
  3. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    'Tis a bit actually, lynchie! ;-) People going home early because of the tube strike later today! (Any old excuse! I'm walking 45 minutes to Victoria to get a train home. It'll probably be quicker than the bus with the expected traffic delays!)

    Anyway, there's plenty more where that came from (which will come as no surprise..... ;-))
  4. yorkie19

    yorkie19 Active Member

    He read the post slowly, like an inmate on death-row reading the notice of his impending death.

    Then he laughed, loudly, like an elephant laughing at a Monty Python joke.

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