Misconstrued headlines -

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by Dave Payn, Mar 25, 2004.

  1. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    This has been doing the rounds for a few years (at least!) now but there's always a new audience! And most of them probably made up anyway!

    Happy Headlines
    English is a marvelously flexible language, much to the chagrin of headline writers everywhere. If any of these headlines seem reasonable, try reading it again in a slightly different way!

    1.Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
    2.Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
    3.Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
    4.Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
    5.Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
    6.Farmer Bill Dies in House
    7.Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
    8.Stud Tires Out
    9.Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
    10.Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
    11.British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
    12.Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
    13.Eye Drops Off Shelf
    14.Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
    15.Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
    16.Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
    17.Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
    18.Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
    19.Miners Refuse to Work after Death
    20.Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
    21.Stolen Painting Found by Tree
    22.Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
    23.Checkout Counter Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
    24.Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
    25.Drunken Drivers Paid £1000
    26.'84 War Dims Hope for Peace
    27.If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
    28.Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
    29.Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
    30.Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
    31.Deer Kill 17,000
    32.Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
    33.Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
    34.New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
    35.Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
    36.Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
    37.Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
    38.Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
    39.British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
    40.Ban on Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
    41.Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
    42.Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
    43.New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
    44.Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
    45.Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
    46.Air Head Fired
    47.Steals Clock; Faces Time
    48.Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
    49.Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
    50.Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
    51.Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
    52.Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
    53.Sex Education Delayed; Teachers Request Training
    54.Include Your Children when Baking Cookies
  2. Seedhouse

    Seedhouse Active Member

    Lol, like 'em! :lol: :lol:
  3. Darth_Tuba

    Darth_Tuba Active Member

    My dad used to work on a local paper in Liverpool, and one time they were running a story on a member of the local council who was opposed to a new statue (some modern art monstrosity no doubt) being put up in the centre of a town. This allowed them to get away with the headline "Local Councillor Fights Erection In High Street!" :lol:
  4. Straightmute

    Straightmute Active Member

    When I first bought a copy of our local paper up here, the front page headline read "Harrogate Band Conductor Dies in Car Crash".

    It referred to the conductor of a local wind band who had sadly died in his car, but I must admit to being slightly unsettled...

  5. Aidan

    Aidan Active Member

    quick marty, we must fix the flux capacitator and save straightmute.
  6. Okiedokie of Oz

    Okiedokie of Oz Active Member

    reminds me of the joke about the "world's greatest orchestra conductor" getting the electric chair :wink:
  7. Straightmute

    Straightmute Active Member

    Funnily enough that was more or less what I thought at the time!


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