Men! Very Important Announcement

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by 2nd man down, Apr 25, 2006.

  1. 2nd man down

    2nd man down Moderator Staff Member

    Print out and pin to your fridge/notice board etc at home:

    Extremely important advice and recommendations to be passed on to wives, girlfriends, fiancees, mothers, sisters, daughters, etc. (to all women in general) These rules are to be communicated prior to the World Cup in June/July this year...


    1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

    2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

    3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.

    4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second wont happen.

    5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

    6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because England are losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce.

    7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".

    8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.

    9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
    a) I will not go,
    b) I will not go, and
    c) I will not go.

    10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

    11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch??", the reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".

    12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, Premier League, etc etc.

    Thank you for your cooperation. :tup


    Men of the World :cool:
  2. WoodenFlugel

    WoodenFlugel Moderator Staff Member

    Sounds reasonable enough to me. :)
  3. julestools

    julestools Active Member

    Don't do football, sorry. Now rugby..... and cricket..... different altogether, real games played by gentlemen.
    During the world cup I will be mowing the lawn and painting the windows.


    Jules (hope April does not read this)
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2006
  4. Di

    Di Active Member

    Well, since you have a fair amount of time to kill, what with football taking over the TV totally, I'll help you out by letting you do my garden too. :biggrin::tongue:
  5. julestools

    julestools Active Member

    Sorry Di.
    My mower is larger than the average lawn. May have problems getting it in (must think up some better excuses).


  6. el maestro

    el maestro Member

    It's got my backing :p
  7. Di

    Di Active Member

    See Jules, even el maestro backs the idea, you really should be cutting my lawn. ;):tongue:
  8. super_sop

    super_sop Supporting Member

    excellent Crawf!, duly printed off an given to both femails. Its been laminated and posted on the front door just incase any wayward femail's should be about!!
  9. Ruthless

    Ruthless Member

    Great does this mean that I wont get any anoying visitors during this time as our house is a footy free zone?:clap:

    I spent a week of the last world cup in Japan on business. I had a really hard time avoiding it over there.....:(
  10. Tinkabell

    Tinkabell Member

    Ha ha, so does this mean that during world cup time none of you men will be posting on here? and we can have some propper discussions on tMP about the important things in life such as shoes, handbags, shoes, clothes, make-up and errrr.... did i mention shoes ?!?!?! :tongue:
  11. meandmycornet

    meandmycornet Active Member

    hey now thats a reeeeally good point tinkabell! Their post counts will suffer tremendously! I think I'm gunna buy my dad a big england flag and a pair of dangle boppers that say england on them from work :tongue: so he can be a proper fan! I hate football though.... its actually sooooo boring! hmmm I reckon me and mum could get away with going on a huge girly shopping trip and spending loads without dad even noticing! :D
  12. julestools

    julestools Active Member

    Ok Di, you win. Next time i'm passing i will call in and give it a trim but April saw my previous post and has given me a long list of jobs. B****r :(


    Jules (busy)
  13. HorniKaz

    HorniKaz Supporting Member

    Excuse me Mr Down!!!! :mad: Some of us girls like the footie too you know. So it'll be me sat with a few cans watching the telly & hurling abuse at the referee thank you very much.

    (was quite funny though:tongue: )
  14. bigmamabadger

    bigmamabadger Active Member

    Yes, we can put polls up to decide which is best, Blahniks or Choos, and we can talk about pink things and how, now we're grown up, we really miss our My Little Ponies and things.
    Did I just say that out loud?
  15. DaveR

    DaveR Active Member

    I heard nothing! :tongue:

    I'm wondering what I'm going to be doing for those weeks actually. I hate football, and I'm not keen on shopping or My Little Ponies either :rolleyes:.

    Oops, I think I might have just let it slip that I was listening after all :tongue: Never could keep a secret :biggrin:
  16. bigmamabadger

    bigmamabadger Active Member

    Maybe if football teams had pink shirts with sparkly butterflies on and rainbow-coloured hair they might be a bit more interesting? I can just see Wayne Rooney in a pair of purple fluffy fairy-wings...

    Edit: On reflection I am talking out of my derriere. Football is never going to be interesting. Bring on the Cosmopolitans, the Sea Breezes and the lipstick, the girls are going to party.
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2006
  17. DaveR

    DaveR Active Member

    Nope, I'm still not interested :(

    Think I'll have to invest in a load of DVDs....

    Oh no, hang on - I can come onto tMP instead! :biggrin:
  18. NeilW

    NeilW Member

    Guess I'll see you here!

    Mind you Golf is even less interesting - and my son has just decided he'd like to try that :confused:

  19. EIBB_Ray

    EIBB_Ray Member

    I'll be here as well - My brand of Football starts in September and ends with a Super Bowl. That cute little "footie" game doesn't dominate much here, so life will go on as normal.

    Like the list though, very useful for other sport.
  20. bigmamabadger

    bigmamabadger Active Member

    No boys, you've got it all wrong. TMp is going to be taken over by the girls for the duration. If you don't want to watch the footie you can do manly stuff like mending things, mowing and DIY. Men will only be allowed on here if they are prepared to put up avatars of themselves in drag.

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