Memorable Quotes!

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by Jack E, Nov 2, 2017.

  1. Jack E

    Jack E Well-Known Member

    I wish my life had background music - it might give me a few clues as to what on earth is going on.

    How am I supposed to act my age when the director hasn't given me the script?

    The chains on my mood swing just broke. I suggest you run. Fast.

    There's a fine line between genius and insanity. Regrettably, some people think it's a skipping rope.

    Your loving and patient mother clocks off at 8pm; I suggest you get your tiny butt to bed before Attila the Mum clocks on!

    If we aren't supposed to indulge in midnight snacks, why has my fridge got a light inside it?
     
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  2. Jack E

    Jack E Well-Known Member

    Having a 2 year old in the house is like owning a food blender with no lid.

    Silence is golden - unless you have small children; then it's a "RED ALERT!!"

    If the opinion I just aired offended you, be thankful you didn't hear the one I kept to myself . . .

    "We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It’s cheaper, and you get more feet."
    (Rita Rudner)

    My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard and earned an online college degree.

    "A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing." (Emo Philips)

    "I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them." (Rita Rudner)

    "I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes, you pick up and put away, dust and polish - and, dammit, six months later, it looks like you never touched the place!" (Joan Rivers)
     
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  3. Jack E

    Jack E Well-Known Member

    Dear Life,
    when I said "Can my life get any worse?", it was a rhetorical question, not a purchase order!

    I won't be seriously impressed by computer technology until I can download a Pizza Napolitana, and a pint of Timothy Taylor's 'Landlord'.

    Sometimes I just want somebody to cheer me up by giving me a coffee, a hug, and a Harley-Davidson - is that so much to ask?

    Some days I amaze myself; other days, I look for my glasses when I'm wearing them.

    Once upon a time, I couldn't wait to grow up; ignorance is bliss, eh?

    The opening line of every parent's horror story: "I was only out of the room for a minute, and . . ."

    Parent: "My kids have turned out to be little monsters!"
    Grandparent: "Karma is hell, eh?"

    "The Truth Shall Set You FREE!" - unless you're facing counsel for the prosecution . . .

    Call centre operator: "Can I help you?"
    Me: "No - I just held the line for half an hour to say "Hi!" to you . . . "

    A perfect metaphor for my life would be somebody trying to stand up, in a hammock, on a small yacht, in a rough sea.

    When women ask me "Where are all the nice guys?", I reply, "Right where women leave them - in the friend zone!"
     
  4. Sonya Blade

    Sonya Blade New Member

    The circumstances of one's life are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.
     
    Fettler likes this.
  5. John Brooks

    John Brooks Well-Known Member

    My favorite quote is from Peter Drucker who said: "Nothing is less productive than to make more efficient what should not be done at all".

    Thomas Carlyle: "That there should one man die ignorant who had the capacity for knowledge, this I call a tragedy".

    Anonymous Bulletin Editor: "Please consider any mistakes in this bulletin to be deliberate. We try to have something for everyone and some people are always looking for mistakes".
     
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  6. Mesmerist

    Mesmerist Well-Known Member

    Mahatma Gandhi — ‘Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.
     
    John Brooks likes this.
  7. Sonya Blade

    Sonya Blade New Member

    Carpe diem is one of the most commonly used phrases by every kid on the block in their Bio but it really makes sense.
     

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