Male/Female

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by MRSH, Mar 17, 2004.

  1. MRSH

    MRSH Supporting Member

    Messages:
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    Location:
    North Lancing
    Different meanings. Sound familiar :?: :?: :?: :?:


    1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
    Female....Any part under a car's hood.
    Male...The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

    2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
    Female....Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
    Male...Playing cricket without a box.

    3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
    Female....The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
    Male...Leaving a note before taking off to the football with the boys.

    4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
    Female...A desire to get married and raise a family.
    Male...Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

    5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
    Female....A good movie, concert, play or book.
    Male....Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

    6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
    Female....An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
    Male...A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

    7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
    Female....The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
    Male...Call it whatever you want just as long as we do it.

    8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
    Female...A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
    Male....A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
     
  2. Maestro

    Maestro Active Member

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    Romford, Essex
    As they say, many a true word spoken in jest :lol: Excellent!
     
  3. Trigger

    Trigger Member

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    353
    Location:
    Portsmouth
    Huh! Men, all the bl**dy same!! :roll: :lol: :lol:
     
  4. Trom41821

    Trom41821 Member

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    285
    Location:
    Telford, Shropshire
    Nice one! Very funny :D :D

    Anybody seen the similar one regarding showering??
     
  5. Trigger

    Trigger Member

    Messages:
    353
    Location:
    Portsmouth
    No, what's that one then?
     
  6. Killer_Trumpet

    Killer_Trumpet Member

    Messages:
    34
    Location:
    Oklahoma, USA
    Wow... You make men sound awfully shallow-minded. :wink: :lol:
     
  7. Okiedokie of Oz

    Okiedokie of Oz Active Member

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    I saw it a few months back. A classic!!
     
  8. Trom41821

    Trom41821 Member

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    285
    Location:
    Telford, Shropshire
    I'm still looking for it, as soon as I find it I'll post it on here :D
     
  9. Di

    Di Active Member

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    23,696
    And your point is? .........
     
  10. HBB

    HBB Active Member

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    That only a minority are :roll:
     
  11. MoominDave

    MoominDave Well-Known Member

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    Location:
    Oxford
    Nope - it's pretty much all of us. :roll:
     
  12. Accidental

    Accidental Supporting Member

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    3,268
    Location:
    West Sussex
    You think?!
    I always figured it was more one or two-track than shallow, but hey! :lol:
     
  13. floral_dance

    floral_dance Member

    Messages:
    865
    Location:
    scotland
    How true :lol:
     
  14. Trom41821

    Trom41821 Member

    Messages:
    285
    Location:
    Telford, Shropshire
    How to shower like a Woman:
    a. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry basket according to whites and coloured.
    b. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
    c. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
    d. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups.
    e. Get in shower.
    f. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
    g. Wash hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
    h. Wash hair again to make sure it is clean.
    i. Condition hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil, leave on hair for 15 minutes.
    j. Wash face with crushed apricot facial, scrub for 10 minutes until red.
    k. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and Jaffa cake body wash.
    l. Shave armpits and legs.
    m. Turn off shower.
    n. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower, spray mould spots with Mr. Muscle Bathroom Cleaner.
    o. Get out of shower.
    p. Dry with towel the size of a small country.
    q. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
    r. Check entire body for spots, tweeze eyebrows.
    s. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
    t. If you see husband/boyfriend/partner along the way, cover any exposed areas.

    ===============================================================
    How to Shower Like a Man:
    a. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed.
    b. Leave in a pile.
    c. Walk naked to the bathroom.
    d. If you see wife/girlfriend/partner along the way, shake manhood at her making woo-hoo sound
    e. Look at manly physique in the mirror.
    g. Get in the shower.
    h. Wash your face.
    i. Wash your armpits.
    j. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
    k. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
    l.. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
    m. Wash your butt leaving those coarse hairs stuck on the soap.
    n. Shampoo hair.
    o. Make shampoo Mohawk.
    p. Pee.
    q. Rinse off and get out of shower.
    r. Partially dry-off.
    s. Fail to notice water on floor.
    t. Admire manhood size in mirror again.
    u. Leave shower door open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
    v. Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
    w. If you pass wife/girlfriend/partner, pull off towel, shake manhood at her and make woo-hoo noise again.
    x. Throw wet towel on bed. :D :D
     
  15. Roger Thorne

    Roger Thorne Active Member

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    Location:
    Wem, Shropshire UK
    Brilliant Liz! Of course it's not true :oops:

    :wink:
     
  16. sparkling_quavers

    sparkling_quavers Active Member

    Messages:
    4,188
    Location:
    Manchester
    seen that one before....so true!!

    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
     
  17. Trom41821

    Trom41821 Member

    Messages:
    285
    Location:
    Telford, Shropshire
    Are you sure now Roger?!?!?!? :shock:
     
  18. HBB

    HBB Active Member

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    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

    Nice one! :D :D
     
  19. lynchie

    lynchie Active Member

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    5,057
    Location:
    South London
    I think I'm allowed to walk to the shower naked... i live alone! Although when people move into the empty rooms, hopefully I'll remember!
     
  20. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    Messages:
    5,372
    Location:
    Isle of Arran and lovin' it!
    Nope. It's multi-track, with only one track (usually the same one) working at most given times!
     
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