Lightbulb Jokes

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by bigmamabadger, Jan 9, 2004.

  1. bigmamabadger

    bigmamabadger Active Member

    I just gotta share this with y'all

    How many news group members does it take to change a light bulb?

    1 to change the light bulb.

    1 to post that the light bulb has been changed.

    14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the
    light bulb could have been changed differently.

    7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

    27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light

    53 to flame the spell checkers.

    6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"

    ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive.

    2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is

    15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light
    bulb" is perfectly correct.

    156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in
    violation of their "acceptable use policy".

    109 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take
    this discussion to a lightbulb forum.

    203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum,
    lightbulb forum about changing light bulbs be stopped.

    111 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light
    bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum.

    306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where
    buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this
    technique and what brands are faulty.

    27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.

    14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the
    corrected URLs.

    27 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to
    this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.

    33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including
    headers and signatures, and add "Me too".

    12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they
    cannot handle the light bulb controversy.

    19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three".

    4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.

    44 to ask what is a "FAQ"?

    4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

    143 to say "do a search on 'light bulbs' before posting questions about
    light bulbs".

    1 new forum member to respond to the original post 6 months from now
    to start it all over again.
  2. Roger Thorne

    Roger Thorne Active Member

    How many Sound Technicians does it take to change a light bulb?

    1, 2 - 1, 2 - 1, 2

  3. Naomi McFadyen

    Naomi McFadyen New Member

    How many drummers does it take to change a lighbulb?

    None, the roadie does it for them

  4. timbloke

    timbloke Member

    How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb....?

    Two... One to change the lightbulb and the other to hold the penis.

    How many Engineers does it take to change a lightbulb....?

    None... cos we are soooo very dull, we never change it....!!

    INcidently, my brother told me over christmas, that Philips are only profitable on two products - Electric Shavers and Lightbulbs. Don't know it is true, but the amount i paid for my shaver i could believe it.
  5. JessopSmythe

    JessopSmythe Active Member

    How many computer programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
    None, they wouldn't get involved in a hardware fault!

    Why does it take a women with pmt half an hour to change a lightbulb?
  6. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    How many college based trumpeters does it take to change a light bulb?

    Five. One to change the lightbulb and the other four to tell him/her how much better they could have done it.

    How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Two. One to try and change the lightbulb and a passer by who has to clear up the mess and do it him/herself after the drummer tried to rush changing the lightbulb, only to have it smash into smithereens.

    :) :)
  7. picju96

    picju96 Member

    There's one in this week's Private Eye but couldn't be bothered to type it out, and it's probably illegal anyway.
  8. onedrummeruk

    onedrummeruk Member

    How many principal cornet players does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Don't be silly the bumper-up does all the work.
  9. Sellers_Bird

    Sellers_Bird Active Member

    How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?????

    Two... one to hold the light bulb and the other blonde to spin her/him round!! 8)
  10. lynchie

    lynchie Active Member

    how many principal cornets does it take to chamge a light bulb?

    just one, he holds it in place and lets the world revolve around him.
  11. onedrummeruk

    onedrummeruk Member

    How many Bass Players does it take to change a light bulb?

    Well it depends if the light bulb is in the bar :?
  12. HBB

    HBB Active Member

    :lol: I was gonna write that, but for a Euph Player ;)
  13. Dave Euph

    Dave Euph Member

    LOL thanks! ;)
  14. HBB

    HBB Active Member

    You're welcome. I've read the stereotypical brass band. I'm 4th man down!!!!! :cry:
  15. andywooler

    andywooler Supporting Member

    How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

    A Fish
  16. andywooler

    andywooler Supporting Member

  17. Steve

    Steve Active Member

    For the lateral thinkers here is a light bulb related question to work out.

    There are 3 lights in the loft and 3 corresponding switches in the basement and there is no way to see the lights when standing at the switches. You may touch the switches only three times in total and you have to establish which switch is for which light, however you cannot leave the basement until you have finished flicking the switches.

    I will post the answer in a couple of days.
  18. shedophone

    shedophone Member

    How many men does it take to change a lightbulb (light bulb/light-bulb)?

    One- they can screw anything.

    (unless its a bayonet fitting of course but then they ask the woman...)
  19. MoominDave

    MoominDave Well-Known Member

    Which reminds me...

    How many brass players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    At least two, but God alone knows how we're going to get in there. 8)
  20. onedrummeruk

    onedrummeruk Member

    Erm I think -

    Turn one on for a few minutes.
    Then turn the second one on the rush to the attic
    The hot turned on light is the 1st switch, the cold turned on is the second and the off one is the third.

    Do I get gold star :D