Letters to the Editor

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by MRSH, Apr 5, 2006.

  1. MRSH

    MRSH Supporting Member

    (All genuine allegedly - but even so very funny)

    Hats off to the England cricketers for their achievements in the Ashes last summer, which rightly earned Andrew 'Freddie' Flintoff BBC Sports personality of the Year. Winning a two-team tournament against a nation with a much smaller population once in every ten attempts, then never shutting up about it, makes me proud to be British. Ben Hunt

    The government tells us that we are eating too many pies and dying of heart disease, then in the next breath they're telling us we are living too long and there'll be no more pension money left for us. I wish they'd make their minds up. John

    'Alton Towers - Where the magic never ends', or so the commercial says. Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30. Colum Hill

    I am married to a Taiwanese lady, and people often ask me if she was a mail-order bride. I find this very insensitive. The Royal Mail loses around 2 million letters and parcels each year, and to suggest that I would trust the delivery of my wife to them is insulting in the extreme. She was sent by DHL next day delivery. L Palmer, London

    The record companies would have us believe that the money made by CD pirates goes to fund the drug industry. But the money rock stars make from legal record sales ends up in exactly the same place. When they stop breaking the law, so will I. P Boddington, Ringway

    It really annoys me to see these suicide bombers blowing up people as well as themselves. In my day, suicide was done in a more dignified way, such as slicing your wrists in the bath, or hanging yourself from a door with a belt. Paul Mulraney, Belfast

    My friend's mum recently pointed out that I have the same ironing board cover as her. Can anyone think of a more mundane and pointless remark to make than this? Alun Daniel

    I'LL never understand my neighbour. He has recently started wheel-clamping his own caravan when he finds he has inadvertently parked it in his own drive! I wonder if he is a sadist, a masochist or both. Alan Thakray

    Did anyone else feel that Mel Gibson's remake of the classic Life of Brian wasn't anywhere near as funny as the original? S, Birkenhead

    On the BBC website, I read with interest that some scientists in Australia have discovered the smallest fish known to exist. They've obviously never been to the Britannia Chippy on the Gloucester Road. Alan J., London

    Hats off to the American police. They arrive at Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch to arrest him a mere six months after he admits climbing into bed with young boys on worldwide TV. Perhaps they should get some faster cars. T Barnham, London

    Could the Home Secretary explain to me how biometric checks on iris patterns and fingerprints are going to help keep tabs on Muslim cleric Abu Hamsa. Les Barnsley

    HOW come rap artist Dr. Dre can use the 'N' word on his multi-million selling albums and win a MOBO award, yet when I used it at my son's football match I was asked to leave the park? Once again, it's one law for the rich and another for the poor. Reg Ashcroft, Bradford

    The government says that there are nearly 50,000 people with HIV in Britain, a third of who do not even know that they have it. Is it just me, or is it a bit harsh that the government know and haven't told the poor sods? John Campbell, e-mail

    Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris and Roger DeCourcey. What about Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on telly blathering on about galaxies for hours and I never saw his lips move once. Genius. Mike Woods, e-mail

    Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire CD collection with the exception of "There is Nothing Left to Lose" by the Foo Fighters. I hope that when sentencing, the judge takes into account their splendid sense of humour. Chris Scaife, Jesmond

    I see on the news that Lord Hutton says he is "satisfied that David Kelly took his own life". He may not have liked Dr Kelly that much, but isn't this taking gloating just a little too far? Dave Owen, Edinburgh

    I never worry about the destination when I'm going on holiday. My dad is Iranian and my mum is Irish, so I spend most of the time in customs. Stan

    What's all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being the world's oldest mum? My mum's 77. Thomas J
  2. bigmamabadger

    bigmamabadger Active Member

    When my dad's flat was broken into a few years ago the scum took his entire CD collection... apart from all his brass band CDs. Some people have no taste.
  3. Alisop

    Alisop Member

    Whats the 'N' word?
  4. rutty

    rutty Active Member

    Something far too rude to mention on a family-friendly forum such as this. And quite possibly racist too, depending on who says it and to whom.
  5. johnmartin

    johnmartin Active Member

    It was used in an Agatha Christie Novel "Ten Little N..."

    By the way good crib from the Viz Letterbox page. Last months I think, the one with the elephant on the cover. :)
  6. Alisop

    Alisop Member

    I understand now! Thank you both for that! I don't listen to Dr Dre (but I know who he is) and I spent ages trying to think of swear words that start with N.
  7. Steve

    Steve Active Member

  8. Alisop

    Alisop Member

    I think Dr Dre should rap about numpties!
  9. el maestro

    el maestro Member

    But on the other hand, Australia do have the advantage of a warm winter, so they can train all the year round. Obviously this guy isn't a cricket fan, or he would have realised that Australia are actually ranked #1 in the world, and so beating them is quite a big thing.
  10. johnmartin

    johnmartin Active Member

    So by that logic India must be really pleased too. :)
  11. Steve

    Steve Active Member

    For shumpty ma numpty!!! I can see it catching on!!
  12. persins

    persins Member

    Not so sure about Dr. Dre but it will be interesting to see Eminem's lyrics soon considering last time he got divorced from Kim, he killed her off in one of his tracks!!
    There could be some more priceless ones coming up soon!

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