Though I'd share this one, cos it tickled me! My wife teaches brass for an afternoon a week at the local junior school, instruments are provided by the local band, in the hope that they'll want to keep it up and join the band. As a "treat" :?: on the last afternoon of the last term she asked me to give them a talk on how to look after their instruments, cleaning etc, for about half an hour. She then told them to write a short report on what I'd told them, to see if they'd remembered any of it. So far, the most amusing answer is; "If you don't play your instrument for at least 20 minutes a day, it'll go stiff!" :shock: which beat the previous best " If you don't practice your valves fill up with green gunk" - not far off, what I really said was if you oil valves with Fairy Liquid instead of valve oil they'll fill up with green gunk! There's more to be handed in this week, so if there's any more gems I'll add them on.