Joke association thread

Discussion in 'Thread Games & Totally Random...' started by Dave Payn, Nov 13, 2004.

  1. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    No, I'm not taking the mick this time! ;-) Idea of this one is that the next joke in the list posted must have some sort of link (however tenuous) to the joke before. So I'll start with two oldies to give you the picture.

    What's got four legs and flies?
    A dead horse

    A white horse walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer. The barman, somewhat perplexed, says: 'I must admit. We don't get many white horses coming into our pub', to which the white horse says: 'No, can't say I've seen any others in pubs I've visited before.' 'Still', the barman says; 'I suppose it's quite appropriate in a way as there's a whisky named after you', to which the white horse says 'What, Eric?'
  2. impycornet

    impycornet Member

    A man walks into a pub sighs at the barman & says " I'll have a double scotch"

    Necks it, sighs again & orders another.

    After his fourth He says to the Barman - " You know I really shouldn't be drinking with what I've got "

    " Why, What have you got" Says the barman - to which the man replies

    £1.30 :-(
  3. ian perks

    ian perks Active Member

    A man walks into a pub a orders a treble malt whiskey and pours it into his top pocket,he does this 6 times, the barman says that"That will be £15.00 please sir" the man says " dont ask me for the money but ask the mouse in my top pocket":-D
  4. Maestro

    Maestro Active Member

    What's grey and has a trunk?

    A mouse going on holiday!
  5. Crazysop

    Crazysop Member

    How do elephants go on holiday?

    By jumbo jet :rolleyes:
  6. Sam Atherton

    Sam Atherton Member

    How does an elephant ask for a banana?

    *holds arm to nose and waves it around in a trunk-like-stylee*
    "Can I have a banana please?"

    (Works slightly better when you can see the person telling it, but only slightly!)
  7. super_sop

    super_sop Supporting Member

    How Do You Know An Elephant Has Bween In The Fridge?

    There's Foot Prints In The Custartd
  8. ronnie_the_lizard

    ronnie_the_lizard Active Member

    What's yellow and dangerous?

    ...................... Shark infested custard !
  9. super_sop

    super_sop Supporting Member

    What's the best way to catch a fish?

    Have someone throw it at you.
  10. 2nd man down

    2nd man down Moderator Staff Member

    Two Parrots sitting on a perch

    One says to the other "Can you smell fish?"
  11. Laserbeam bass

    Laserbeam bass Active Member

    Enoch and Esau was fishing by the banks of the Birmingham canal navigation. Enoch caught a whale but had to throw it back because it had spokes in it.
  12. ronnie_the_lizard

    ronnie_the_lizard Active Member

    A whale is swimming merrily along when he finds a large octopus-like creature with 10 legs lying on the seabed with several of its arms clutched tightly around it's mouth as if trying to stop itself vomiting.

    The whale picks it up, swims round to where another whale is waiting and says......

    ....there you go mate, there's that Sick Squid I owe you !
  13. rightnowmusic

    rightnowmusic Member

    Ella Fitzgerald had gone a bit loopy, and was walking around the nursing home where she was living, saying "I wanna marry Darth Vader, I wanna marry Darth Vader"

    The nurses kept telling her that she couldn't marry Darth Vader, and when she asked why, she was told.... but Miss Fitzgerald, then you'd be......

    Ella Vader (Elevator).... !!!! :D

    One to tell in lifts.. works well in the US (Elevators = Lifts :D )
  14. DublinBass

    DublinBass Supporting Member

    While transporting mental patients from Leeds to Liverpool, a bus driver stopped at a pub in Manchester for a few beers. When he got back to his vehicle, he found it empty, with all 20 patients nowhere to be seen.

    Realising the trouble he was in if the truth were uncovered, he halted his bus at the next bus stop and offered lifts to those in the queue. Letting 20 people board, he then shut the doors and drove straight to the Liverpool mental hospital, where he hastily handed over his 'charges', warning the nurses that they were particularly excitable.

    Staff removed the furious passengers to wards; it was three days later that suspicions were roused by the consistency of stories from the 20. As for the real patients: nothing more has been heard of them and they have apparently blended comfortably back into Mancucian society."
  15. Di

    Di Active Member

    A nurse was leaving the hospital one evening when she found the doctor standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

    "Listen", said the doctor, "this is important and my assistant has left. Can you make this thing work?"

    "Certainly", said the nurse, flattered that the doctor had asked her for help.

    She turned the machine on, inserted the paper and pressed the start button.

    "Excellent! Excellent!" said the doctor as his paper disappeared inside the machine.

    "I need two copies of that"
  16. DublinBass

    DublinBass Supporting Member

    Speaking of doctors...If you ever go in for a proctological exam it can be quite uncomfortable. Word of advise...while your doctor may put one hand on your shoulder during the exam, make sure he doesn't put two!!
  17. Maestro

    Maestro Active Member

    Patient: "Dr Dr, I feel like a spoon."

    Doctor: "Sit down and don't stir"
  18. Di

    Di Active Member

    The oldest and cheesiest

    Dr Dr I feel like a pair of curtains.

    Well pull yourself together then. :-?
  19. Will the Sec

    Will the Sec Active Member

    Yes, but from you, Dinie, it counts double.

    Doctor, Doctor, people keep ignoring me.

  20. Maestro

    Maestro Active Member

    Patient : "Dr Dr, I keep feeling I am a cricket ball."