In The News Today

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by Steve, Jan 12, 2004.

  1. Steve

    Steve Active Member

    A thread for the most stupid things you find in the daily rags. In 'The Mirror' today I read................

    A man in Tokyo used a socket outside a cafe to charge his mobile and was taken to court for stealing 1/2p worth of electricity!! :shock:
  2. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    Imagine the court room....

    Judge: 'And what's the charge?'

    Court official: 'About two and a half hours to fully replenish the battery, m'lud.'

    (Weak, but I'm bored....)
  3. dyl

    dyl Active Member

    :shock: Whenever I see your avatar Steve, I keep expecting to see the glass tip over as it's at an angle! :shock:
  4. sunny_jimbob

    sunny_jimbob Member

    You want daft newspaper stories? Our local rag once ran a half page spread about a break in at the local Select & Save, where the theives stole half a kilo of cheese. I've still got the clipping somewhere!
  5. geordiecolin

    geordiecolin Active Member

    Sounds eerily like the Hexham Courant.....

    They ran a feature article about this photo someone took of a "ghost" in Hexham Abbey.

    Until the next week someone pointed out that it was actually a leaflet stand!!

    2 horses being hit by a train was a front page spread and I can give you all the sentences of all people who have been in a fight/driven without a licence or insurance/domestic argument.

    I can also quickly reference firing/low flying times on Otterburn Army Range and give you the latest mart prices for a Swaledale Sheep.
    Accessing car reviews isn't hard, but not as exiciting as Farmer xxxxx's new plough, which is also reviewed.

    for more ridiculous Northumberland News, see here
  6. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    And from last week's London Metro comes a 'revelation' that researchers (and I would DEARLY love to know who they are) have discovered that penguins can shoot their 'poop' up to 15 inches from their backsides, thereby preventing them from soiling their feathers or their nests.

    Remember that next time you want to p-p-pick up a penguin! ;-)
  7. Big Twigge

    Big Twigge Active Member

    There was a story in the "Whitchurch Herald" over the summer about the theft of some large onions.....
  8. sparkling_quavers

    sparkling_quavers Active Member

  9. PeterBale

    PeterBale Moderator Staff Member

    Listening to Quote Unquote on the radio on Saturday, they always close with a newspaper item sent in by a listener. This week's was a competition, where entrants had to say where PC World was in Kidderminster (I think that was the right store and town, anyway). They were then invited to send their entries to . . . PC World, followed by the full address :shock: :oops: :wink:
  10. Morghoven

    Morghoven Member

    I'm now back living with my folks in Kidderminster....and I can promise you that there are plenty of people in this town who would still get the answer wrong! :roll:

  11. EIBB_Ray

    EIBB_Ray Member

    then there's the story about the holdup of a store at opening time. The crook used asking for change from a 20 as his ploy get get the clerk to open the register, once open, he demanded the contents, which he grabbed and fled with leaving his 20 behind.....there was only about 15 in change in the drawer to begin with.....
  12. Okiedokie of Oz

    Okiedokie of Oz Active Member

    I give you the dogiest of newpaper articles -

    the day they put me in the paper when my school shirt was inside-out.
  13. WhatSharp?

    WhatSharp? Active Member

    Last year my Dog got through to the Hills Slimmer Of the Year regional finals, and the local rag got hold of this and asked if they could come round with a photographer. "Ok" says I thinking it would be a little snippet inside.... no .... full flippin front page spread of me and the Dog. To make it worse it looks like I'm about to snog him :oops: :oops: (I may be brave and post it some time soon). Everyone seemed to have it! people kept saving me pages!.
  14. Steve

    Steve Active Member

    The pint is not at an angle, I think it was the photographer falling over an invisible step!!
  15. Kerwintootle

    Kerwintootle Member

    A certain euphonhium player once (allegedly) reached a stretch of road that the band were marching on where there was no-one present except the band and a field full of bored looking cows. This euphonium player (who shall remain nameless) went creeping up to the wall of the field and blasted the loudest glissandi he could muster. The cow he aimed at promptly fell over

    Within the next few days a report went into the local newspaper about a mysterious cow death. The euphonium player was apparently heartbroken and could not face telling the truth.

  16. wewizrobbed

    wewizrobbed Member

    hehe bet he couldn't blow out they candles but! :lol:
  17. Kerwintootle

    Kerwintootle Member

    Ye cheeky wee monkey.

    Lucy in the gutter wi' diamonds (in her belly button) :wink:
  18. wewizrobbed

    wewizrobbed Member

  19. Aidan

    Aidan Active Member

    no change then :D
    your hand any better? :twisted: :twisted:
  20. wewizrobbed

    wewizrobbed Member

    aye it's grand :?

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