In The Beginning........

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by Maestro, Dec 5, 2004.

  1. Maestro

    Maestro Active Member

    Messages:
    4,192
    Location:
    Romford, Essex
    In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli,
    cauliflower, and spinach, with green and yellow and red
    vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and
    healthy lives.

    Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Haagen Das Ice
    Cream and Magnums. And Satan said: "You want hot fudge with
    that?" And Man said:"Yes!" And Woman said: "I'll have one
    too ...with sprinkles." And lo they gained 10 pounds.

    And God created the healthful yoghurt that Woman might keep the
    figure that Man found so fair.

    And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar
    from the cane, and combined them. And Woman went from size 2 to
    size 14.

    So God said: "Try my fresh green garden salad."

    And Satan presented crumbled Blue Cheese dressing and garlic
    croutons on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts
    following the repast.

    God then said: "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and
    olive oil in which to cook them."

    And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter
    dipped lobster chunks, and chicken fried steak so big it needed
    its own platter. And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.

    Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and
    brimming with potassium and good nutrition.

    Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy
    centre into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats adding
    copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds.

    God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might
    lose those extra pounds.

    And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man
    would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman
    laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing
    stretch jogging suits.

    God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories
    and still satisfy his appetite.

    And Satan created McDonald's and the .99 pence double
    cheeseburger. Then Satan said: "You want fries with that?" And
    Man replied: "Yes! And super size 'em!" And Satan said: "It is
    good." And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.

    God sighed...and created quadruple by-pass surgery.

    And then...Satan chuckled and created the National Health
    Service........
     
  2. lottie4744

    lottie4744 Member

    Messages:
    863
    hahahahahaha! Very Funny :)
     
  3. six pints

    six pints Active Member

    Messages:
    1,763
    Location:
    Ashington
    lmao!! thats ace!!
     
  4. HBB

    HBB Active Member

    Messages:
    8,544
    Location:
    New York City
    So true!
     
  5. HBB

    HBB Active Member

    Messages:
    8,544
    Location:
    New York City
    Well obviously not the Satanic part of it...
     
  6. Naomi McFadyen

    Naomi McFadyen New Member

    Messages:
    10,577
    Location:
    Manchester
    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
     
  7. mikelyons

    mikelyons Supporting Member

    Messages:
    10,094
    Location:
    Wigan
    Bunny, if the God part has to be true, then the Satan part does too. Logically, at least! Nature works by a system of checks and balances, so I imagine God does too. :)
     
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice