Important Santa info

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by Steve, Dec 15, 2005.

  1. Steve

    Steve Active Member

    Someone has far too much spare time

    There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for
    Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the
    population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per
    household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one
    good child in each. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical).

    This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each
    Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second
    to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking,
    distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have
    been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get onto
    the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly
    distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will
    accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78
    miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom
    stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second
    or 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

    The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them - Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

    A mass of nearly 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates
    enormous air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion
    as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer
    would adsorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they
    would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind
    them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer
    team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about
    the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.

    Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a
    dead stop to 650 miles per second in .001 seconds, would be subjected to
    acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim considering all the high calorie snacks he must have consumed over the years) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.

    Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

    Merry Christmas, ho, ho, ho....
  2. BbBill

    BbBill Supporting Member

    You've got tooo much time on your hands Steve!! :biggrin:

    Och well that announcement will save me that 1st class stamp that I was going to use on the envelope, with my Christmas list to the alledged Santa....!
  3. SoloBaritone

    SoloBaritone Member

    Did you go to Sellers concert last week Steve?! That was read out there! I bet you did, you love Sellers!

    Jaynie x
  4. meandmycornet

    meandmycornet Active Member

    Steve you do know that if you don't believe you won't recieve don't you? You won't get any presents you know!
  5. Charmed

    Charmed Active Member

    Ah but .....

    As a recent chain email doing the rounds at the moment states:

    As 'male' reindeers lose their antlers before winter starts, this means all the reindeers pulling the sleigh are female, not male as previously presumed.

    Therefore with female reindeers helping santa, the delivery of all presents to all the little children are bound to be achieved! :clap:

    You need to recalculate!!!
  6. yonhee

    yonhee Active Member

    Shall tell any people who still believe hes real that :p
  7. brassneck

    brassneck Active Member

    - So this photograph is the truth then?

  8. yonhee

    yonhee Active Member

    haha! Ill take the picture in too :p
  9. brassneck

    brassneck Active Member

  10. Steve

    Steve Active Member

    Haha, no way!!! I wasnt there but even in my absence there appears to be a telepathic bond!! lol
  11. yonhee

    yonhee Active Member

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