If Football clubs were women.

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by JessopSmythe, Apr 20, 2006.

  1. JessopSmythe

    JessopSmythe Active Member

    As any regulars will know, I'm not normally into football, but this was emailed to me today and elicited more than a few chuckles. Enjoy

    If Football Clubs were Women

    Fulham = Charlotte Church
    Proof that money can't buy you class but could look more attractive if the Welsh bloke was given the elbow.

    Birmingham = Pamela Anderson
    Used to look good in the cups but now a declining force.Plus millions of people watched them get a good seeing to.

    Wigan =Davina McCall
    Poor attendances confirm they've been promoted above their ability.

    Portsmouth = Girls Aloud
    Only one real class act among the hastily assembled line-up. You shouldn't like them but admit it, you've sneaked the occasional admiring glance.

    Sunderland = Kerry Katona
    Once the people's favourite but now an embarrassment. Fun while it lasted - now disappear from where you came, please.

    Spurs = Keira Knightley
    Undeniably easy on the eye with an attractive English spine and proof that two little ones up front needn't be a drawback.

    Everton = Dannii Minogue
    The poor relation to the more glamorous sibling. Can anyone remember when it was they were supposed to be any good?

    Arsenal = Jordan
    Were more likeable when they weren't packed out with expensive foreign implants.

    Newcastle = Jodie Marsh
    Impressive front two but embarrassing at the back. Had surgery but need a lot more work to compete at a higher level.

    Aston Villa = Dido
    Bland, boring and still trading off the one big hit they had years ago.

    Liverpool = Sophie Ellis-Bextor
    Individually all the components look great but stick them together and it just doesn't work.

    Chelsea = Rachel Stevens
    You'd rather just watch them than listen to all that painful whining.

    West Ham = Vicky Pollard
    Nothing more needs saying as a teams fans speak for themselves - Chavs in Chavs clothing.

    Bolton = Clare Balding
    You wouldn't. Not even if they were the last team on earth.
  2. Rapier

    Rapier Supporting Member

    Spooky! I'm a Portsmouth and Girls Aloud fan!! :) Fate.
  3. Will the Sec

    Will the Sec Active Member

    *Cough* *splutter* (Cleans table after spitting dinner onto it...)

    Nah, mate.

    That's Southend. :biggrin:
  4. dyl

    dyl Active Member

    Manchester United - Maggie Thatcher - Hated by millions, supported by idiots!
  5. Rapier

    Rapier Supporting Member

    Well I'll agree on the Man United bit!
  6. DaveR

    DaveR Active Member

    Me too! :mad:
  7. stephen_clapton

    stephen_clapton New Member

    Well I enjoy watching Keira every weekend. Lovely stuff! ;)
  8. Cornishwomble

    Cornishwomble Active Member

    Milton Keynes Dons would be Pat Butcher, rough looking, unpopular with the neighbours and definately batting for the wrong side!
  9. 2nd man down

    2nd man down Moderator Staff Member

    LMFAO!!! :clap: :D :p :D :p
  10. ian perks

    ian perks Active Member

    All the way with you on this Dyl:clap:
    Just like to add one word you have missed out
    MANY idiots:biggrin:
  11. Chris Sanders

    Chris Sanders Active Member

    ha genius :clap: :clap:
  12. horn-girlie

    horn-girlie Member

    :eek: how rude!! am i really one of the only manchester red fan on here?!?
  13. Key2207

    Key2207 Member

    I'm a United fan too :woo

    They're the best :)

    'ave it!!
  14. matti_raz

    matti_raz Member

    And myself.... we might have to set up a resistance :)
  15. ekimmort

    ekimmort Member

    Manchester United, my second favorite team after HULL CITY
  16. Chris Sanders

    Chris Sanders Active Member

    Dont you guys know that footballs for passion not fashion...
  17. matti_raz

    matti_raz Member

    If it was fashion we'd probably all be here as Chelsea fans???? surely? Blue is the colour of the season of course
  18. geordiecolin

    geordiecolin Active Member

    I would have thought any woman could be Newcastle, they wind us up, they let us down, they mess us about, they say one thing then do the other, they waste money on meaningless rubbish, they make us miserable, they look pretty and times but are generally clueless and we STILL go back for more!!

    NUFC - can't live with em, can't live without em!!
  19. Splitone

    Splitone Member

    Ah yes. One that was missed from the list. Hull City = A well worn whore!
    The harder it gets the better it is,
    the softer it is, the worse it is.

    Obviously, talking about the opposition!
  20. 2nd man down

    2nd man down Moderator Staff Member

    Leeds United - Ulrika Johnsson - at one point or another has had just about Every Striker in English Football in it, and like em or not they just won't go away.

    Torquay United - Elle McPherson - Out of our league?

    Bradford City - Jade Goody - Slow, unattractive, annoyingly boring and when faced with anyone of quality couldn't score to save their lives.

    Walsall - Gillian Taylforth - Going down.

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