Hurricane Shazza

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by Dave Payn, Oct 7, 2004.

  1. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    A major Hurricane (Shazza) ravaged Basildon, Essex in the early hours of
    Monday morning. Victims were seen wandering around aimless muttering
    "****** ell" ...

    The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.

    Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish
    Costas were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived.

    Essex FM (County Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents were
    confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that
    something interesting had happened in Basildon.

    One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was
    such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning."

    Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal.

    The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.

    Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.


    This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
    unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after, items most needed include:

    -- Fila or Burberry baseball caps
    -- Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
    -- Shell suits (female)
    -- White sport socks
    -- Rockport boots
    -- Any other items usually sold in Primark.

    Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include:
    -- Microwave meals
    -- Tins of baked beans
    -- Ice cream
    -- Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

    22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms
    £2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9 £5 will pay
    for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

    **Breaking news**

    Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in claret - 'Where are
    you bleeding from?' they asked - "ROMFORD" said the girl, "woss that got to do wiv it?"
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 7, 2004
  2. Ste69

    Ste69 Member

    :clap: excellent
  3. Red Elvis

    Red Elvis Active Member

    Are we Essex boys and girls going to put up with this slur on our fine county ?
  4. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    Believe me, for 'Basildon' it can easily read 'Croydon' (or more accurately, Thornton Heath) from what I've seen, especially of a night time! :)
  5. Maestro

    Maestro Active Member

    Yes I am.

    I am only on loan to essex from the fair county of Norfolk, because they wanted a bit of better blood bought in.
  6. six pints

    six pints Active Member

    i actually read this about ashington originally.... guess noones heard of it tho??
  7. bigmamabadger

    bigmamabadger Active Member

    From the same Aid Agency that brought us the Dudley Earthquake....?
  8. Red Elvis

    Red Elvis Active Member

    Less of it !!! My wife and my sister are from Essex , and she's a lovely woman!!!
  9. HBB

    HBB Active Member

    So True! Just look at Handy Andy....
  10. Maestro

    Maestro Active Member

    My missus and kids are as well!

    I was only letting off a bit of steam after being at the sink and the ironing board all day.
    Just hope she doesn't bother to read this thread that's all. If she does, then........

    no flowers at my funeral please!

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