Humorous Quotes

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by WhatSharp?, Feb 1, 2008.

  1. WhatSharp?

    WhatSharp? Active Member

  2. Anno Draconis

    Anno Draconis Well-Known Member

    An absolute classic. Must remember it......:D
  3. flugel_fancy

    flugel_fancy Member

    "I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to."

    A quote from the king himself, Elvis Presley :tongue: Now more commonly used by Bass trombonists :redface:
  4. Cornet Nev.

    Cornet Nev. Member

    Hit it like its your mother in law. Oh sorry I forgot, you aren't married yet are you!
    Instruction from the MD to percussion at a ff part.
  5. Robhibberd29

    Robhibberd29 Active Member

    Oi!!!! Your card's marked lady!!! :mad: :rolleyes:
  6. Laserbeam bass

    Laserbeam bass Active Member

    "Madame, you have between your legs something that is capable of bringing pleasure to thousands, and all you can do is scratch it."

    Sir Thomas Beecham to a cellist in an orchestra he was conducting.
  7. That's a blinder!
    Something you more assocate with the likes of Graham Norton etc!
  8. Laserbeam bass

    Laserbeam bass Active Member

    plenty more where that came from.

    Tommy Dorsey had been told about a trumpeter, who came with the endorsement "He's a nice guy"
    TD "Nice guys are a dime a dozen! Get me an A******* that can play!

    Thomas Beecham describing the sound of a harpsichord
    "like two skeletons copulating on a tin roof"

    Reporter to Ringo Starr on the Beatles first tour of the USA
    "What do you think of Beethoven?"
    "I love him, especially his poems."

    Arturo Toscanini after a very difficult orchestral rehearsal
    "After I die, I shall return to earth as the doorkeeper of a bordello, and I won't let one of you in."

  9. Sandy Smith

    Sandy Smith Member

    "When she started to play, Steinway himself came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano."--Bob Hope, on comedienne Phyllis Diller
  10. Sandy Smith

    Sandy Smith Member

    " I would like to thank Beethoven,Brahms,Wagner,Strauss,Rimsky-Korsakov"

    The Oscar acceptance speech of composer Dimitri Tiomkin in 1955
  11. Sandy Smith

    Sandy Smith Member

    Saxophonist Zoot Sims on being asked how he could play so well when he was loaded -

    " I practise when I'm loaded"
  12. brassneck

    brassneck Active Member

    Igor Stravinsky - "A good composer does not imitate; he steals"
  13. brassneck

    brassneck Active Member

    One of my favourites - Frank Zappa (c.1973) - "Jazz isn't dead, it just smells funny!"
  14. David Mann

    David Mann Member

    Barry Cryer (I think) to Paul McCartney -"Ringo's not the best drummer in the world, is he"

    Paul McCartney - "He's not even the best drummer in The Beatles"
  15. PeterBale

    PeterBale Moderator Staff Member

    Another from Beecham: "What, nothing from Mozart?" (as his birthday cards and telegrams were being read out) :)
  16. Laserbeam bass

    Laserbeam bass Active Member

    "The tuba is the most intestinal of all brass instruments- the very lower bowel of music"
  17. Laserbeam bass

    Laserbeam bass Active Member

    "If you can imagine having a vasectomy without anaesthetic, to the sound of frantic sitar-playing, you will have some idea of what popular Turkish music is like."

    Bill Bryson
  18. Laserbeam bass

    Laserbeam bass Active Member

    David Willcocks on King's College Chapel
    "It's the building, That acoustic would make a fart sound like a sevenfold Amen"