How to give a Cat a pill!!!!!!!

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by Mrs Womble, Oct 16, 2004.

  1. Mrs Womble

    Mrs Womble Member

    1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks whilst holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop the pill in. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

    2. Retrieve the pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

    3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw away soggy pill.

    4. Take new pill from foil wrap. cradle cat in left arm and hold rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut and count to ten.

    5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl, and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from garden.

    6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitting from cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

    7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail and get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

    8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

    9. Check label to make sure pill isn't harmful to humans, then drink a beer to take the taste away. Apply band-aid to spouses forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

    10. Retrieve cat from neighbours shed. Get another pill and open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck leaving head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

    11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of whisky. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply whisky to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw t-shirt away and fetch a new one from bedroom.

    12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve the ****ing cat from across the road. Apologise to neighbours, who crashed into fence whilst swerving to avoid cat. Take the last pill from foil wrap.

    13. Tie the little *******s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill in mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 litres of water down throat to wash pill down.

    14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room. Sit quietly whilst doctor stitches fingers and forearm. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

    15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell, and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

  2. six pints

    six pints Active Member

    very funny !! :)
  3. skweeky

    skweeky Member

    lol instucting from experience i gess
  4. Straightmute

    Straightmute Active Member

    I always find that a rolling pin and a sharp blade come in handy when Kitten Tikka or Kitten Bhuna need medicine.

    Please note that no kittens are harmed in the administering of this treatment.

  5. ian perks

    ian perks Active Member

    Easy if all those fail
    I get the vet to put it in Liquid Form.
    Our Cat BERLIOZ does not know what she as had ,she thinks it is a drink of water:-D
  6. bigcol

    bigcol Member

    Ironically i've just had to do this to my little one. She was fine the first two times I put the pill down her throat, but she has now started to rebel.

    So I stuck in her food. Pill now gone. Easy!
  7. Sellers_Bird

    Sellers_Bird Active Member

    stick it in a lump of cheese or something..they know no different!
  8. Raspberry

    Raspberry Member

    I just put the pill in our cat's (REG) food - he's thats greedy that he eats anything!!!
  9. Di

    Di Active Member

    I have soooooooooooo been there and had to mop up all the blood from Steves arm. Our cat had to go on a regular course of pills.

    It looked so easy when my mum used to come round and dose the cat for us cus we couldn't get any pills down her. She'd just grab her by the scruff of the neck (recommended by vet), use one finger to open side of mouth, drop in pill, stroke throat. Gone in 2 seconds.

    But we know differently don't we Linda! :shock:
  10. HBB

    HBB Active Member

    My cat's too lazy to put up a fuss...
  11. Trom41821

    Trom41821 Member

    Mine too, which is just as well as he needs 1 pill per day to ensure he wee's properly :shock:

    With the others I recommend approaching the cat from behind, straddling them they can't move 'cos you've almost sat on them!, one person holds down the front paws (which are lethal). You now have 2 hands free, one tilts the head back from the top of the head finding the space between their teeth whilst the other hand drops the pill at the back of their throat

    Job done :p well almost until you find it under the table:-(
  12. HBB

    HBB Active Member

    In food, it's the best way. Cats aren't the cleverest of animals...
  13. WoodenFlugel

    WoodenFlugel Moderator Staff Member

    And bunnys are???? :evil:

  14. HBB

    HBB Active Member

    I'm still alive.... :)
  15. HBB

    HBB Active Member

    Even after meeting Accidental, who was rather violent!! :p
  16. flugelgal

    flugelgal Active Member

    One of my cats is an expert at getting out of the "towel" grip! I find it easiest to get wormer in powder form and stick it in their food. Seems to work...
  17. lynchie

    lynchie Active Member

    cats... eurgh... why would you bother in the first place?

    Get a real pet!
  18. Di

    Di Active Member

    Nope, that never worked either. Ate the nice spoon sized chunk of tuna and left little pink pill in the dish. :evil:
  19. HBB

    HBB Active Member

    Hide it in the gravy!!!!
  20. drummergurl

    drummergurl Active Member

    ok slightly different animal. but our dog thinks shes a cat... we get a cheese slice (a whole one) put the pill in the middle, than fold the cheese slice around it... dog wolfs it down!

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