How does he do it????????

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by ploughboy, Nov 16, 2003.


How does santa do it?

  1. Magic Sleigh

  2. Magic Reindeer

    0 vote(s)
  3. Fly's

    0 vote(s)
  4. Drive's

    0 vote(s)
  5. Cheat's

  1. ploughboy

    ploughboy Active Member

    We've just taken part in the Kirgate Center reindeer parade, in Bradford, It was only a short march, but we kept been stopped for the reindeer to Catch up (they were pulling santa and sleigh).

    So, If there that slow, how an earth does he get round the world in ONE NIGHT?
  2. super_sop

    super_sop Supporting Member

    Its Magic of course..........
    don't you know anything!! :wink:
  3. bagpuss

    bagpuss Active Member

    No mate, what IS magic is the fact you haven't been arrested for those shirts you wear!!!! :lol: :lol: :wink: :wink: :D

    Puss Puss Puss
  4. Aidan

    Aidan Active Member

    super_sop = steve sykes??? :wink: :roll: :wink:
  5. Roger Thorne

    Roger Thorne Active Member

    For those who didn't read it last year . . .

    The Truth About Santa!

    No known species of reindeer can fly. But there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

    There are 2 billion children (persons under eighteen) in the world. But since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

    Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.

    Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household, a total trip of 71.604 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding etc. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

    The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point no. 1) could pull ten times the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth. (Thats the ship not the person!)

    353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 Quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

    In conclusion - If Santa ever did deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's been vaporized by now.

  6. super_sop

    super_sop Supporting Member

    like i said earlier, its Magic!!!
    AND DONT TRY TELLING ME OTHER WISE!!! those pressise have to get under the tree somehow.
    Next youll be telling me there's no tooth fairy!!,
    the sand man is a figmant of my imagination.
    the easter bunny doesnt eggsist :lol:, and there's no christmas fairy to keep an eye on us all al year round.

    Whatever next..........youll be telling me that UFO's arent real!!!!!!!

  7. Dolly

    Dolly Member

    No christmas fairy? There better be, i've been good all this year just for her!
  8. michellegarbutt

    michellegarbutt Supporting Member

    It is definately magic. My sister is actually one of santas elves. Every year she flys out to lapland and spends 3 months helping him. She has confirmed (after consultation with the great man himself) he uses magic
  9. bagpuss

    bagpuss Active Member

    The image most of us know as Santa was created in 1931 by an artist called Haddon Sundblom to be used in the christmas advertising campaign of Coca Cola. Santa had been around in pictures and paintings before this but had never been given 'standard' features. Sundblom standardized Santa Claus and used a retired salesman called Lou Prentice as the model on which Santa was based. Sundblom used this model for his annual paintings until Prentice died when Sundblom himself became the model.

    I have a feeling this should probably go on the useless information thread!!!!

  10. PeterBale

    PeterBale Moderator Staff Member

    Correct, Mr Bagpuss. Previously, as I understand it, Santa had been portrayed either dressed in furs or in a blue and white outfit, rather than the now familiar red and white.
  11. faerie

    faerie Member

    He stops time doesnt he? Thats what I always assumed. Then he can just amble round the world at his own rate, and why you never can catch him at it.
    But more to the point, surely hes more than a bit tipsey from the 91.8 million brandies left out for him! [​IMG]
  12. Accidental

    Accidental Supporting Member

    Yeah, I though it was time-stopping too, which is of course magic. Maybe he doesn't metabolise all those brandies until time "starts" again, and he gets the mother of all hangovers on Boxing Day!!!

  13. bagpuss

    bagpuss Active Member

    Apparently, Santa in other colours is not correct, he has traditionally been in red because of the fact he is a saint (Saint Nicholas). All saints are (apparently) by default men of the cloth so to speak and so the red signifies the colours of a cardinal or bishop. SO I'm told anyway

  14. floral_dance

    floral_dance Member

    of course it is magic :p
  15. Cornishwomble

    Cornishwomble Active Member

    I think he sub-contracts out most of his routes
  16. Curious

    Curious Member

    And uses Palletline or Pallex for his more remote deliveries.
  17. HBB

    HBB Active Member

    Royal Mail Special Delivery for England! (With Skeleton Keys!)
  18. ploughboy

    ploughboy Active Member


    I don't believe that one!!! There's no way christmas would be before Febuary if santa left it to them!!!

    He should tell them no more stikes or there'll be no pressie's next year!!!!
  19. Well Worth It

    Well Worth It Active Member

    If Santa knows all, then he's surely aware of Einstein's theory of Special Relativity. The postulate that depicts the effect of motion upon time, states that as an object approaches the speed of light (186.400m/s), it experiences "time dilation", to the extent that AT the speed of light, time stops in relation to those not in the same frame of reference. This would leave him plenty of time to get his fat @rse down all those chimneys and leave his gifts. Tachyon powered reindeer are the secret. :!:
  20. PeterBale

    PeterBale Moderator Staff Member

    It would explain why we don't get what we want, though, if ours have been left at the wrong address :wink: :lol: :lol:

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