Hello there

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by Duncandisorderly, Dec 20, 2004.

  1. A big warm Hello to all of you.
    I am here to help you. I am a professional Agony Uncle, and I would like you to feel free to talk to me about any problems that you may have.

    If you are worried at all about sharing your problems with me, then please don't worry.
    I can keep secrets....it's the people that i tell that can't.

    Perhaps if I can give you an example of my wonderful way of helping people......

    I was recently asked by someone.......

    " I have this overwhelming urge to do something girly and play the tenor horn. Am I normal, or is this just a phase I am going through?"


    My reply to them was to eat as many vindaloos as they could manage in 24 hours.
    As a result of my wonderful advice, they were so full of wind that they managed to get over this 'girly problem', and are now making wonderul blarting noises on a tuba.

    So please feel free to ask me for help. I look forward to helping as many of you as I can.

    Remember, a problem shared makes you a total laughing stock.

     
  2. drummergurl

    drummergurl Active Member

    hello to you too...
     
  3. Lauradoll

    Lauradoll Active Member

    Haha lmfao by the way!!
     
  4. Di

    Di Active Member

    Dear Uncle Duncan .....

    My instrument doesn't understand me. :( Is it just me or are there others who are suffering in the same way out there? I'm pushing all the right buttons, but to no avail and I'm getting soooo frustrated. :( Please help!

    Yours,
    Miss Understood.
     
  5. 2nd man down

    2nd man down Moderator Staff Member

    I think I can help you here...you have to stop chatting for a bit and expend some of that hot air down the mouthpiece. Just pressing buttons don't do much. :-D
     
  6. Naomi McFadyen

    Naomi McFadyen New Member

    lmao!! Hi....

    :lol:
     
  7. Vickitorious

    Vickitorious Active Member

    Hellooooooo! :biggrin:

    (Finally! Someone to help my mum...)
     
  8. super_sop

    super_sop Supporting Member

    is that possible!:rolleyes:



    :p
     
  9. HBB

    HBB Active Member

    That's not nice Craig...




























    ... especially as it should be my job!
     
  10. Di

    Di Active Member

    Right you lot, you just wait til Unky Dunky comes back on line. I'm telling. So there! :shock:
     
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  12. super_sop

    super_sop Supporting Member

    oooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo now im scared:rolleyes:
     
  13. Chris Sanders

    Chris Sanders Active Member



    Oi... As a Curry eatin, Boddington's Drinkin, Footy Luvin, Fartin, Belchin, bloke who also happens to play the Tenor Horn...



    I feel I speak for every one of my species when I say...



    Do You Wanna Slap Bitch???













    .
     
  14. Naomi McFadyen

    Naomi McFadyen New Member

    ...and im the lucky sod whos witnessing the arguement between supersop and dinie on msn....... and, getting somewhat involved in it.....


    :p ;)
     
  15. HBB

    HBB Active Member

    LMFAO!!!
     
  16. Hmmmmmmm...no doubt you are worried by this. But don't be!

    It's really quite simple.......

    I'ts obvious you don't have the brains to be a brass player. My advice is to either hit the drums or wave the stick at the front. No brains needed for that.



    NEXT!!!!!!
     
  17. Naomi McFadyen

    Naomi McFadyen New Member

    I have many pairs of drumsticks and occasionally use them to hit the drums and other instruments that require to be struck.
    I have an overwhelming urge to 'stick' them somewhere else at the moment! Please help...
     
  18. This one is easy to answer......

    1) Being the player of a 'girly' instrument, you would not have the power to administer a slap. A slight tap maybe, but not a slap.

    2) You couldn't afford the price of paying for the privilege to slap me.

    3) Perhaps a 'girly instrument' group hug could help you to be calmer.



    Yours not a tad patronisingly........



    NEXT!!!!!!
     
  19. Only too glad to help you out my dear.......

    If you have that many drumsticks, may I suggest that you check yours, and everybody else's that you know, christmas turkey.

    I feel sure that there maybe some people who would object to turkeys without the drumsticks.

    If however, this problem goes deeper, and you feel that you have an unusual fetish regarding drumsticks, or indeed, incomplete turkeys, then please feel free to visit my clinic again.

    Do remember dearie, a problem shared does indeed make you a laughing stock.


    Yours.....
     
  20. kate_the_horn

    kate_the_horn New Member

    dear duncan,

    ever since i started playing the "girly instrument" i've been very attractive to the men (and sometimes women!) in the bands ive played for.
    how do i stop these people from stalking me?

    yours,

    Sheila Blige x
     
  21. DublinBass

    DublinBass Supporting Member

    Dear Duncan -

    I keep hopping around from instrument to instrument in the band. I have played tenor horn, baritone, Eb Bass and trombone.

    How do I know where my proper place should be?
     
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