Hello. I'm Mike and I'm a tMP-aholic

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by mikelyons, Jul 4, 2005.

  1. mikelyons

    mikelyons Supporting Member

    I am a nearly 49 year old Eb bass player, occasional euph player, conductor, composer and general good egg. Originally from Bolton, but now living near Wigan.

    I teach in a very large Anglican school in the centre of Wigan, where I'm a classroom music teacher, sometime ICT lecturer, general dog's body and the person people generally turn to if they have a computer-related problem because I'm a slightly more comprehensible, user-friendly, better looking alternative to the IT technicians.

    I'm irreligious (as opposed to anti-religious) very often blasphemous and basically anarchic. I loathe children of all kinds and spend my non-teaching time trying to find new ways of liquidating - or perhaps liquidising - them. My favourite daydream is of a society where we don't produce children, just have ourselves cloned when we reach a certain age. The clone is matured in a tank and doesn't go through all the awkward fumbling of adolescence (never mind the horrible acne) and is awakened with all our memories intact, but in a younger body when we die.

    I also occasionally have rather exciting dreams about running amok and beating the crap out of some of the more recalcitrant year 9's in school, but that's another story.

    I like to think I'm good at explaining things and I hope yonhee agrees (see the "Never have so many" thread).
  2. TheMusicMan

    TheMusicMan tMP Founder Staff Member

    Thanks for the intro Mike... glad to have you hear sir... :hi
  3. Di

    Di Active Member

    :hi Some nice theories there Mike, but really, a world without children. Aww come on, where would we be without them? :rolleyes:
  4. mikelyons

    mikelyons Supporting Member

    We'd have a lot more money and it would be much quieter. ;)
  5. Di

    Di Active Member

    Hmm, I'm sure I'd have NO idea what to do with lots of extra money, time and peace and quiet. :tongue::wink:
  6. mikelyons

    mikelyons Supporting Member

    I think all this extra time on your own has sent you a bit daft. As I've been perusing this thread it has been a bit like sitting down on the bus, only to find you are next to the resident bag lady.

    "Hello dearie. Nice weather innit? Do you like my rat? Have you got any ice cream? It's not for me, I don't drink it, it's for the rat...and the badger. You've not sat on my hedgehog, have you? You seem like a nice chap. Only...hedgehogs has fleas, you know..."

    I hope you haven't scared any of the nice people off. Just keep taking the medication, sweetie. I'll just put your besom in the cupboard. That cauldron doesn't look nice out in the open does it? Just stick it under the bed, now. with the bat's wings, there's a good girl. There, there. You'll be alright when the nurse comes with your medication...

    Don't scowl luvvie. Your eyes look off in different directions when you do that....


    P.S. I think it must be end of term fever. I've just been either extraordinarily brave or mind-numbingly stupid!:eek:
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2005
  7. yonhee

    yonhee Active Member

    Yeah you are good at explaining stuff :biggrin: You must be or I still wouldnt understand any of it...
  8. Straightmute

    Straightmute Active Member

    So are you at the Deanery Mike? I must confess that I am amongst the alumni of that place and have many happy (retrospectively) memories. I wonder if any of my old teachers are still there... D
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2005
  9. mikelyons

    mikelyons Supporting Member

    Well, David, there is still at least one teacher who was here from the beginning, but most of the older ones that are still left date from the time I arrived (1987-1990)

    However, the school is not what it once was. Modern education methods, which seem to hinge on how many boxes you can tick and what you can give the appearance of doing and a head who cares too much about the paperwork and too little about the staff and students mean that the place is on its last legs. At the moment it is still getting by on its reputation, but as more and more of the older teachers leave/die, and they are replaced by more box tickers and 'career' teachers (and I apply all the venom and scorn I can to that term) it will eventually sink below the line where its reputation can continue to support it.

    Don't get me started.:mad:

    TIMBONE Active Member

    Mike would be unemployed :p
  11. mikelyons

    mikelyons Supporting Member

    Not really - I do teach adults as well :) :p
  12. Tubafreak

    Tubafreak New Member

    :( Your thoughts on children make me sad...:( You can't really be such a Grumpy Gus.I know if you mey my four adorable little boys you'd be singing a different tune! God bless the children!
  13. Di

    Di Active Member

    Don't worry, Mike loves kids really. ;)
  14. Tubafreak

    Tubafreak New Member

    What does irreligious mean?
  15. yonhee

    yonhee Active Member

    not religous? Havnt got a clue. I know how you could liquidise children just get a really big liquidiser. But dont do it cause its nasty :(
  16. sevenhelz

    sevenhelz Active Member

    that depends on the child in question.
  17. mikelyons

    mikelyons Supporting Member

    Indeed it does.
  18. mikelyons

    mikelyons Supporting Member

    With fava beans and a nice chianti. Oven roasted is nice, but microwave is OK in a tv dinner ;)

    Children are natural opportunists. If they think you like them they will take advantage and walk all over you. I've seen it done, usually to first time teacher trainees. Of course, it has never happened to me because I don't like them, I don't do cute and since my own children are almost all in their thirties now :)eek: ) I'm immune to most of their blandishments.

    I also don't believe in 'kidding' children. If they produce rubbish for me I'll tell them it is rubbish. Then I'll show or tell them how to put it right. It is the little things that matter.

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