Rules: You don't have to be particularly grumpy, just cheesed off.... 'Old' is relative - please include your year/decade of birth... Men - yes, non-pc, males only please. Ladies can start 'grumpy old women' if they wish, although I've yet to meet one of the fairer sex who admits to being either 'old' or 'grumpy' Your starter(s):- (Child of the [late] 50's) I hate/deplore The numpties who, when the band is part of a parade/march/procession, think it's OK to walk or cycle between players. Re-education with a length of 2x2 (or, preferably, a weighted baseball bat) is required here. The organisers of the above parade who feel that a well-meaning middle-aged spinster is adequate marshalling for the entire parade of over 200. Marshals should, for choice, resemble Motorhead's road crew, and the more and bigger the better. The band up the road, who are a section or two above you, and won't let you forget it. Nuking is too good for the swines. The band down the road, who are a section or two below you, and who reckon you're just lucky to be better than them, although they only rehearse at the equinoxes. How much uranium we got left??? Non-players who know what a trombone is, but for whom everything else is a trumpet/french horn or tuba (with the big bit that points to the front). Sousaphone enemas all round, please. Flautists. (What do you mean, why?) 'Flute' bands - should be forced to play chromatic scales until they get it right... (edit - Samba bands - stop hitting things, someone learn the tune.../edit) Irish dancers who want 'Riverdance' just a little bit faster - listen, I'll stamp me feet, you play the bleedin' Flug... Pipe bands should be machine-gunned, unless they're playing 'Highland Cathedral' at Murrayfield... :clap: - but on no account let them 'tune' or 'warm up' Audience members who collar you (and won't let go) while you're packing up after a gig, and say 'I liked the bit that went "pom, pom, pom" - what's it called again?' "Buy the band CD" doesn't seem to work too well.... And finally (for tonight) the 20-odd players who think the rest are enough to unload the coach/van after the contest/concert - shackle the beggars (sp?) to the timps.