Grumpy old men

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by FlugelD, May 23, 2005.

  1. FlugelD

    FlugelD Member


    You don't have to be particularly grumpy, just cheesed off....

    'Old' is relative - please include your year/decade of birth...

    Men - yes, non-pc, males only please. Ladies can start 'grumpy old women' if they wish, although I've yet to meet one of the fairer sex who admits to being either 'old' or 'grumpy' ;)

    Your starter(s):- (Child of the [late] 50's)

    I hate/deplore

    The numpties who, when the band is part of a parade/march/procession, think it's OK to walk or cycle between players. Re-education with a length of 2x2 (or, preferably, a weighted baseball bat) is required here.

    The organisers of the above parade who feel that a well-meaning middle-aged spinster is adequate marshalling for the entire parade of over 200. Marshals should, for choice, resemble Motorhead's road crew, and the more and bigger the better.

    The band up the road, who are a section or two above you, and won't let you forget it. Nuking is too good for the swines.

    The band down the road, who are a section or two below you, and who reckon you're just lucky to be better than them, although they only rehearse at the equinoxes. How much uranium we got left???

    Non-players who know what a trombone is, but for whom everything else is a trumpet/french horn or tuba (with the big bit that points to the front). Sousaphone enemas all round, please.

    Flautists. (What do you mean, why?)

    'Flute' bands - should be forced to play chromatic scales until they get it right...

    (edit - Samba bands - stop hitting things, someone learn the tune.../edit)

    Irish dancers who want 'Riverdance' just a little bit faster - listen, I'll stamp me feet, you play the bleedin' Flug...

    Pipe bands should be machine-gunned, unless they're playing 'Highland Cathedral' at Murrayfield... :clap: - but on no account let them 'tune' or 'warm up' :eek:

    Audience members who collar you (and won't let go) while you're packing up after a gig, and say 'I liked the bit that went "pom, pom, pom" - what's it called again?' "Buy the band CD" doesn't seem to work too well....

    And finally (for tonight) the 20-odd players who think the rest are enough to unload the coach/van after the contest/concert - shackle the beggars (sp?) to the timps.
  2. lynchie

    lynchie Active Member

    Anyone with a cornet in one hand a mute in the other who says "I can't possibly carry any percussion, my hands are full..." Oh, and youngsters nowadays in general... no respect etc etc... ;)
  3. Rapier

    Rapier Supporting Member

    And EVERY Trombone section in any band, who will always say. "But we ARE playing piano".

    Yeh, like that'll happen. :)
  4. Cornishwomble

    Cornishwomble Active Member

    People of a certain gender who insist that they definately need a 4x4 that's bigger than the Ark Royal to ferry around their 3ft 2, 6 year old cos they need the room and then treat a supermarket car park like it's an off road personal destruction derby whilst using their mobile without a hands free kit, constantly looking back towards child and not looking at the hoards of people diving for safety into bushes!

    TIMBONE Active Member

    I am not a 'grumpy old man' (even though I am in my 50's) ask my wife!!! and I refuse to even enter a thread such as this. Having said that, I think that MD's and bandmembers who think that just because they don't mind a two hour rehearsal without a break everyone else should have to endure it are SELFISH.
  6. Bryan_sop

    Bryan_sop Active Member

    At 25, I wouldn't class myself as old, and I'm not usually Grumpy (although I was kept awake until 3 this morning by my house-mate and I was up for work at 5.30 so I'm allowed to be a bit grumpy today!)

    Things I Hate:

    When your walking through a busy town center, and the numpty in front of you stops dead, causing you to either a) walk straight into them, for which you get a filthy look, or b) look like a complete plank avoiding a)!!

    When you've got the very last drop of beer in your glass and the bar person collects it up as an empty. :mad:

    Small people with umbrellas - Don't worry, I don't like my eyes anyway!

    When asked what instrument you play, you reply trumpet and many people give a witty reply like 'Is that with a flake?' or start singing 'Just one Cornetto' It may have been funny once when I was 8!!! Not any more!!!

    People who eat with their mouths open - I just hate that noise!!!

    Politicians - need I say more?!
  7. UncleStreaky

    UncleStreaky Member

    People who complain about brass players "spit" on the floor.
  8. bagpuss

    bagpuss Active Member

    OK, this could take some time!!! I suppose I'm not THAT old at 30 although I do feel old!!


    Things I REALLY don't like

    1. As was mentioned earlier, people who don't help with setting up/packing away at concerts and contests. Evenmore annoying of one of these non-helpers happens to be one of your section.

    2. People who call the 'usual' helpers lazy if they DARE to have a 'night off' from packing and unpacking. You know what I mean, the same people do it all the time and then get fed up and decide to have a rest and then the non-helpers call them lazy. It can be surprising how far internally a brass instrument or drumstick can be inserted when necessary!

    3. The people who when they are asked to help packing/unpacking percussion turn around and say "You didn't help me unpack my cornet/horn/blah blah blah so I'm not going to help you". The usual reply is " OK then, we'll swap. You play my instrument and I'll play yours. As I can't play your instrument and neither can you, the MD shouldn't notice"

    4. People who play percussion equipment and don't put it back as they found it. I generally aim this at Junior bands. I have no problem per se with them playing it but put it back where you got it from. Very little is more annoying than turning up to rehearsal and then having to spend the next 10 or 15 minutes having to re-set all the drum kit or timps or whatever. Especially annoying as the junior band "never touch it". Yeah right.

    5. Players who think they're God's gift really annoy me. You know, the Primadonnas of the band who think everyone should bow to their will etc etc etc. Also the ones who have the MD wrapped around their little finger.

    6. 'Section leaders'. These people should almost without exception be shot. There should be no such thing as a section leader. The person on 2nd horn is just as much a part of the band as the solo horn player, likewise on cornet. It's one thing offering advice to a less experienced member of the band, it's another to try and ram your way of thinking down their throat. See point 5 above!! Section leaders GO AND GET A LIFE

    7. Bass players encroaching on the percussion section. Picture the scene, you've just been somewhere for a contest or concert and you're now putting all the percussion equipment and instruments back in the bandroom. The room is set out and EVERYONE has plenty of space. Now 3 weeks later your percussion section are squashed into an area the size of a filing cabinet and the bass players still don't have enough room.

    8. 'Theft' of percussion music stands. I can GUARANTEE that if I put out enough stands for percussion before rehearsal, some will be gone before rehearsal starts and all except 1 will be gone before next rehearsal. I am going to put stickers on the stands I put out and then anyone found with a 'stickered' stand will have it removed from them so they have to get their own or as has been threatened by me, they can choose a music stand suppository if they prefer.

    9. Junior band 'helpers' who complain about percussion equipment being locked away or locked in position. It has been done for a reason so that your junior band 'darlings' who you obviously have very little control over don't mess with it and alter it all. Oh and if you're wondering where all the tuning keys etc are, ask me, you might just find I've taken them all home so as to stop the equipment being altered.

    Non-band based rants

    10. People who drive slowly. If you are doing 20mph in 30 mph zone or 30 in a 40, YOU ARE GOING TOO SLOWLY. Yes I know all about what the road conditions will allow blah blah blah. The point of my annoyance is that I ride a 125cc moped. If you are in my way YOU ARE DRIVING TOO SLOWLY!!!! Get out of the way now if not sooner, have some consideration.

    11. Tractor drivers who think it's acceptable to have a tailback of about 15-20 vehicles behind them waiting to pass. It's not, it never can be. PULL OVER - EVERYONE ELSE WANTS TO AND CAN ACTUALLY GO FASTER THAN YOU.

    12. Lorry drivers who try to overtake other lorry drivers on dual carriageways even though one lorry is doing 59.9mph and the one overtaking is doing 60mph. You are annoying and should be shot. Despite your size, you are not the only vehicle on the road.

    13. People who accelerate when being overtaken. The amount of times I've wished for rocket launchers on my little 'ped and the amount of times I've prayed their engine would blow up there and then.

    14. People who don't indicate at islands/junctions. Ought to be made to drive round and round the offending island for a couple of hours until they figured out which way they were going and also how to make sure other people know where they're going aswell.

    15. People who take too long turning into junctions. The road is clear for 3 miles in every direction except behind you where I am now being impeded by your inability to turn into a junction without a map and compass/invitation.

    Work related rants

    16 Train drivers who believe they are the only train that's important anywhere on the network. You're not. You never will be. Either way, unless I allow you to move, you won't!

    17. Managers. 'Nuff said


    That'll do for now until I find something else annoying!!!!!


    TIMBONE Active Member

    Following on from bagpuss. The band is nicely set out, everything is going fine, then suddenly, (I speak as a trombonist), while you were looking somewhere else for a few seconds, (eg picking up/putting down a mute), the euphoniums have moved their chairs!! (most likely because they need more room for their incredibly mobile right elbows). The chairs seem to have suddenly moved at an angle which makes it no longer possible for you to find any room for your trombone slide!