Great Things About Being a Guy

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by MRSH, Mar 18, 2008.

  1. MRSH

    MRSH Supporting Member

    North Lancing
    Great things about being a guy…(with apologies to all the galls on here ;))

    Understanding football, any football
    A five day holiday requires one overnight bag
    Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat
    Queues for the toilet don’t exist
    You can open all your own jars
    When clicking through the TV channels you don’t have to pause at every shot of someone crying
    You don’t have to lug a bag of useless stuff around
    You can go to the toilet without a support group
    When your work is criticised, you understand that everybody doesn’t secretly hate you
    You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
    You never have to clean a toilet
    You can get showered and ready to go in 10 minutes
    You save time and money by washing up in bulk every third week
    Sex means never worrying about your reputation
    Wedding plans take care of themselves
    If someone forgets to invite you to something, it means they forgot to invite you. It doesn’t mean they hate you, and he or she can still be your friend
    You don’t have to shave below your neck
    None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry
    If you’re 34 and single, nobody even notices
    You can write your name in the snow
    Biological clock? What’s that?
    Chocolate is just another snack
    Flowers fix everything
    You never have to worry about other people’s feelings
    You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours
    Reverse parking is easy
    Window shopping is what you do when you buy windows
    Michael Bolton doesn’t exist in your universe
    You don’t have to clean your house if the meter reader’s coming by
    You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid. In fact you encourage them
    Car mechanics tell you the truth
    You don’t give a rat’s a**e if no-one notices your new haircut
    You can quietly watch a game on TV with a friend for hours without ever thinking he’s mad at you
    You never look at the size of a babies head and cringe
    The whole world is your urinal
    Hot wax never comes near your pubic area
    One mood, all the time
    Same work, more pay
    Grey hair and wrinkles add character
    The remote control is yours and yours alone
    No such thing as bunny-hopping half an inch above the toilet seat
    People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them
    You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother
    You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked
    If you don’t call your friend when you say you will, he won’t tell your other friends and they won’t try and work out what the problem is
    Someday you’ll be a dirty old man. And you’re looking forward to it
    You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you’re not in the mood
    Dieting involves getting regular fries with your burger
    Porn movies are designed specifically with you in mind
    You don’t have to remember everyone’s birthdays and anniversaries
    Not liking a person doesn’t exclude having great sex with them
    Your friends can be trusted never to trap you with: “so…notice anything different?”
  2. on_castors

    on_castors Member

    Well, we are about to see how even handed the moderation really IS here!

    [Steps back to admire the scenery]
  3. lilz

    lilz Member

    haha that was so the greatest post ever lol
    also the longest but so good....
    every bit i was reading i was remembering past stories in relief that its not just me that do some of those thing lol
  4. stevetrom

    stevetrom Well-Known Member

    Just sooooo right :clap: :D
  5. HorniKaz

    HorniKaz Supporting Member

    Bracknell, Berkshire
    Awwwww, don't put yourselves down. We like having to lug you lot around!! ;)
  6. Mesmerist

    Mesmerist Well-Known Member

    Shrewsbury, Shropshire
    The great thing about a guy is usually the fantabulous woman he has managed to marry. She however is thinking why oh why don`t I just set up an all female commune with some grown-ups where razors and remotes can be shared along with sensible conversations and no football...
  7. Thirteen Ball

    Thirteen Ball Active Member

    Brighouse, Yorkshire
    Brill! :clap:

    Add to that, Driving fast is cool, not childish, dirty jokes are allowed to be funny, video games aren't a waste of time/money, and you don't have to muck about with a pint of ale and a half-pint glass in the pub.

    Being a bloke is good.
  8. WhatSharp?

    WhatSharp? Active Member

    never having to fake it.....
  9. weemarky

    weemarky Member

    What a post! So true on so many different levels!

    Face it girls... Life is so much simpler being male!!! ;) (Apart from when you make it complicated. lol)

  10. jamieow

    jamieow Member

    this is so true....
    How To Shower Like a Woman
    Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
    Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
    If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
    Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
    Get in the shower.
    Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
    Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with
    43 added vitamins.
    Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
    Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
    Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
    Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
    Rinse conditioner off hair.
    Shave armpits and legs.
    Turn off shower.
    Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
    Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.
    Get out of shower.
    Dry with towel the size of a small country.
    Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
    Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
    If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

    How To Shower Like a Man
    Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
    Walk naked to the bathroom.
    If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
    Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
    Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
    Get in the shower.
    Wash your face.
    Wash your armpits.
    Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
    Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
    Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
    Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.
    Wash your hair.
    Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
    Rinse off and get out of shower.
    Partially dry off.
    Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.
    Admire willy size in mirror again.
    Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
    Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
    Throw wet towel on bed.

  11. MRSH

    MRSH Supporting Member

    North Lancing
    :D That one was in the original list but I deleted it (and many others) for the sake of decency - self modding, eh! (Although it did contain the 'O' word so your way was probably better ;) )
  12. lilz

    lilz Member

    haha I think i must be a bit of both when taking a shower,
    im deffo not the ladee one, but is it trampy to admit that i do that snot thing that blokes do :p
  13. Ryan06

    Ryan06 Member

    ah its great to be a guy! Im lovin it.
  14. sudcornet

    sudcornet Member


    Very close to pmsl there.......are you stalking me?

  15. brassneck

    brassneck Active Member

    I quite liked this when I saw it ...

  16. Cornet Nev.

    Cornet Nev. Member

    Here is some real praise I found and I hope it will make up for all the things said against women.
    And ladies, if you are yet to reach the over forties, don't worry, most of you have this wisdom from birth. Just childhood sometimes makes you forget it!

    As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

    A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.
    Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
    Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?', here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
  17. 2nd man down

    2nd man down Moderator Staff Member

    Classic. Why waste a single word when fourteen thousand will do instead.
  18. Mesmerist

    Mesmerist Well-Known Member

    Shrewsbury, Shropshire
    Right chaps time to start a new thread about how great it is to be a woman I think...

    Cornet Nev you are a perfectly lovely gentleman...XXX
  19. Mesmerist

    Mesmerist Well-Known Member

    Shrewsbury, Shropshire
  20. The Wherryman

    The Wherryman Active Member

    Yes, it worked. But how long have you been modelling for Wallis?
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