GOOD Jokes Thread!

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by Jack E, Dec 13, 2016.

  1. 2nd tenor

    2nd tenor Well-Known Member

    I spotted this on another forum and thought that the original poster (who happens to be a women so no one of strong PC beliefs need get upset) wouldn't mind me sharing here.

    To Be 8 again!

    A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror.
    Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

    “I'd like to be eight again”, she replied, still looking in the mirror ..

    On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

    Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside
    down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a
    chocolate shake.

    Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!

    Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

    He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?

    Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

    “I meant my dress size, you retard!!!!”

    The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
     
    Jack E likes this.
  2. Jack E

    Jack E Active Member

    Aaah, cracked me up, 2T!! :D

    And all we can say in self defence is, "I does me 'umble best, y'know . . . :oops: "
     
  3. 4th Cornet

    4th Cornet Member

    You may want to substitute the offensive word beginning with 'r' towards the end of the joke to achieve this. Otherwise a clever joke ☺️
     
  4. Stanley Accrington

    Stanley Accrington New Member

    conjunctivitis.co.it

    That's a site for sore eyes.
     
    Jack E likes this.
  5. Jack E

    Jack E Active Member

    But shouldn't this one be in the Bad Jokes thread, Stanley? :D
     
    Stanley Accrington likes this.
  6. Stanley Accrington

    Stanley Accrington New Member

    I've just noticed/found the Bad Jokes thread Jack. Maybe should have been placed in that thread. but hey....humour can be very subjective.
     
  7. Jack E

    Jack E Active Member

    Some nifty one-liners . . .
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

    99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

    Some people give me the feeling that they are diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

    Remember that half the people you know are below average.

    Despite the high cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

    Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

    Eagles may soar, but hedgehogs don't get sucked into jet engines.

    I intend to live forever . . . doing alright, so far!

    If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

    Quantum mechanics - the dreams stuff is made of.

    Why do bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques?

    Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

    Change is inevitable - except from vending machines.

    Don't plan out your day - it only encourages counsel for the prosecution to keep using the word 'pre-meditated'.

    If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand ...

    and, finally . . .

    HONK IF YOU LOVE PEACE AND QUIET!!
    :D
     

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