Funny Stories

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by IckleSop, Mar 9, 2005.

  1. IckleSop

    IckleSop Active Member

    The Dishonest Note

    A man returned from shopping to find his car had been badly dented, and the culprit was no where in sight. As he got closer he felt relieved when he saw a note had been placed under his windshield-wiper. Laughing at himself for doubting the honesty of the average person, he pulled the note loose and read it, it said :"THE PEOPLE WATCHING ME THINK I'M LEAVING MY NAME AND ADDRESS, BUT I'M NOT."

    Pillsbury Doughboy

    It is with deep sorrow that we report the loss of an American icon. The
    Pillsbury Doughboy passed on early this month from yeast infection
    and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.
    Many celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs.
    Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the
    Twinkies and Captain Crunch.
    The gravesite was piled high with flours, as longtime friend, Aunt
    Jamima, delivered the eulogy. She remembered Doughboy as a man who
    never knew how much he was kneaded. He rose quickly in show business,
    but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a
    very smart cookie and was a crumby businessman, wasting much of his
    dough on half-baked schemes.
    Despite being a little flaky at times, he was considered, even as a
    crusty old man, to be a roll model for millions. The closing prayer
    that he would rise again.
    Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, his two children, John
    Dough and Jane Dough (plus one in the oven). He is also survived by
    his elderly father, Pop Tart.
    Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. The funeral was held at
    3:50 for 15 to 20 minutes.

    Working With The FBI

    The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
    "Hello, is this the FBI?"
    "Yes. What do you want?"
    "I'm calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He is
    hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
    "Thank you very much for the call, sir."
    The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux's house. They
    search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust
    open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at
    Thibodeaux and leave.
    The phone rings at Thibodeaux's house.
    "Hey, Adrian! Did the FBI come?"
    "Did they chop your firewood?"
    "Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
  2. Hahaha ... Very good
  3. DublinBass

    DublinBass Supporting Member

    Two very different styles of humour...both very funny :clap: :D
  4. drummergurl

    drummergurl Active Member

    hahahaha theyre amazing!! :clap: :biggrin:
  5. yonhee

    yonhee Active Member

    :clap: LOL :clap:
  6. Brassb3ll3nd

    Brassb3ll3nd Member

    Here's an amusing little tale .......................

    A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her name badge that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a £30,000 loan to take a holiday."

    Pattie looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.

    The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

    Pattie explains to Kermit that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

    The frog says, "Sure, I have this", and produces a tiny porcelain Elephant about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Pattie explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

    She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog named Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and he wants to borrow £30,000, he wants to use this as collateral."

    She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

    (you're gonna love this)

    (it's a real treat)

    (a masterpiece)

    The bank manager looks back at her and says, ………………..

    "It's a knickknack, Pattie Whack.

    Give the frog a loan.

    His old man's a Rolling Stone."
  7. euphfanhan

    euphfanhan Member

    Hahaha...that was great! You're right, it is a masterpiece
  8. Jan H

    Jan H Moderator Staff Member


    I don't get it at all :(
  9. bigmamabadger

    bigmamabadger Active Member

    Old English song, the chorus of which goes:
    "Knick Knack Paddy-Whack
    Give the dog a bone
    This old man came rolling home"

    Which makes even less sense, I know....
  10. ray_ed

    ray_ed Member

    hehe....... lol v good !:clap: :clap:
  11. Jan H

    Jan H Moderator Staff Member

    ah, that explains a lot :)

    thanks! :tup
  12. HBB

    HBB Active Member

    It's a phrase in England - nick nack paddy whack, give the dog a bone, this old came rolling home.
  13. yonhee

    yonhee Active Member

    haha thats ace :D :clap:

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