Funny definitions of the sections of a brass band

Discussion in 'The Rehearsal Room' started by bigman_holland, Jul 2, 2014.

  1. Need help. Getting married in a few weeks. Both myself and future wife play in a brass band. We have named our tables after the sections of the band. Top table being the conductor and so on. I had seen years ago a funny article listing the sections of a band and what they or the people in those sections are like or what kind of person it takes to be in that section. You get my drift. Has anyone else seen this or have it or know where I can find it? Thought it would be funny to let the guests sat on these tables know why we put them on that certain table. Plus it will take up a fair chunk of my speech lol.
    thanks guys in advance.
  2. Sandy Smith

    Sandy Smith Member

  3. Ianroberts

    Ianroberts Well-Known Member

    the one furthest away from you for all the guests that are always late with a wonky table leg ..... Bass section

    Table with a single chair and single place setting............ Drums
  4. Euphonium Lite

    Euphonium Lite Active Member

    Table that has the loudest people on it.... Trombones :D
  5. trumpetmel

    trumpetmel New Member

    "The Archetypal Brass Band"
    1 Eb Soprano Cornet Too loud, usually out of tune. Convinced he/she has the most difficult part in the band.
    1 Principal Cornet Conceited - uses too much vibrato.
    1 "Second Man Either thinks he/she would make a better principal, or hero-
    Down" or "Bumper worships the principal.
    1 "Third Man Down" Loud brutal musical thug with lots of stamina and no finesse.
    1 "Fourth Man Down"Like third man down, only louder and thicker.
    1 Repiano Cornet Waiting for a chance to play principal
    2 2nd Cornets Hesitant, out of tune, but can play bottom C
    2 3rd Cornets Loud, out of tune, but can play bottom G
    1 Flugelhorn Plays flat. Can't decide whether to be a cornet or a horn.
    1 Solo Horn Usually a girlie - irrespective of whether a male or female.
    2 Tenor Horns Can play a unison tone in tune even if one of them is dead.
    1st Baritone Useless player, out of tune all the time.
    2nd Baritone Even worse player. Only there to show the 1st Baritone what he could do if he tried.
    2 Euphoniums Show-off and trainee show-off.
    1 1st Trombone Steam driven. Rasps most of the time.
    1 2nd Trombone Sloppy player, but can rasp even at ppp.
    1 Bass Trombone Chainsaw with vibrato.
    2 Eb Basses Look like two drunken farts.
    2 Bb Basses Sound like two drunken farts.
    Percussion Have lots of noisy toys which must be used in the myst inappropriate way possible. Must be totally incapable of producing a swing rhythm.
    Conductor So devoid of musical ability that he/she thinks the above shower sounds half decent.