For the Hypochondriacs

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by Curiosity_Kills, Jun 6, 2004.

  1. WoodenFlugel

    WoodenFlugel Moderator Staff Member

    Just messing....typed in "Soprano Cornet":

    "Classic case of Soprano Cornet Syndrome"

    Cause: computer virus

    Symptoms: extreme flatulence, sniffing, groin swelling

    Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up


    I thought the symptoms were very accurate :lol:
     
  2. Liz Courts

    Liz Courts Active Member

    I'm glad it's that easy. :wink:
     
  3. lynchie

    lynchie Active Member

    scarily accurate...

    You'd better sit down. You are suffering from
    Trombonitis' Disorder.
    Cause: spaceborne bacteria

    Symptoms: vague blindness, back pain, excessive hair growth

    Cure: Kryptonite
     
  4. WoodenFlugel

    WoodenFlugel Moderator Staff Member

    Bored (again) so I had to put in my own instrument.......

    Good lord! You are suffering from
    Flugel's Disease.

    Cause: secret military experiments

    Symptoms: extreme delusions, eyelid swelling, slightly high blood-alcohol level

    Cure: prayer

    ...not sure about the eyelid bit but the other symptoms seem pretty accurate in my case.......
     
  5. Jo Elson

    Jo Elson Member

    Congratulations! You are suffering from
    Blonde's Disorder.
    Cause: mobile phone radiation

    Symptoms: pale skin, bad poetry, neck shortening

    Cure: cryogenic freezing until science catches up
    (notice how it says congratulations to having blonde's disorder)

    And thought i would check if flugel horn was the same as flugel

    You'd better sit down. You are suffering from
    Flugel horn's Disorder.
    Cause: caught in hospitals

    Symptoms: thirst for human blood, forgetting what day it is, colour blindness, extreme bad poetry

    Cure: attempt to repeat cause
     
  6. akwarose

    akwarose Active Member

    quite worrying, as most of it is true!

    Congratulations! You are suffering from
    3rd cornet syndromeosis.
    Cause: self-abuse

    Symptoms: vomiting, tree-climbing, tongue forking

    Cure: none - oh no, i'm doomed :shock: !!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  7. flugelgal

    flugelgal Active Member

    Good lord! You are suffering from
    Flugelhorn's Lurgy.
    Cause: too much sleep

    Symptoms: hot flushes, swarms of bees, black spots

    Cure: expensive biofeedback devices


    You'd better sit down. You are suffering from
    Scotland's Disorder.
    Cause: influence of the Devil

    Symptoms: mild sore throat, screaming, bowel infrequency

    Cure: don't do it again

    Congratulations! You are suffering from
    Mouthpiece.com Whit Friday Band's Lurgy.
    Cause: natural sign of ageing

    Symptoms: shouting, blurred vision, mild liver pain

    Cure: paint a black cross on your front door and wait
     
  8. Naomi McFadyen

    Naomi McFadyen New Member

    Percistitis.
    Cause: allergy to water

    Symptoms: extremely dry mouth, American accent, blood powdering, stiffness

    Cure: fire


    :lol: :lol: :lol:


    Congratulations! You are suffering from
    Drumsosis.
    Cause: drug abuse

    Symptoms: beeping, metallic skin, extremely rosy cheeks

    Cure: pass it on to someone else within seven days


    :lol: !!!!!!!!! :lol: !!!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:


    You are suffering from
    TMP's Disease.
    Cause: allergy to spam

    Symptoms: drooping eyelids, mild back pain, eyelid swelling

    Cure: take three vitamin C tablets every day for the rest of your life

    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
     
  9. Naomi McFadyen

    Naomi McFadyen New Member

    :lol: Sorry, I could do this all night....

    It's just as I feared. You are suffering from
    Cymbalsosis

    Cause: improperly prepared beer
    Symptoms: steam whistling from ears, absenteeism, revolving neck
    Cure: take a few potions of extra healing before going to bed

    -----------------------------------------------

    Tavistock's Lurgy.
    Cause: influence of the Devil

    Symptoms: howling at the moon, rapid heart beat, mild extra legs, occasional long hair

    Cure: drink lots of water


    lmao!! :lol:

    -------------------------------------------------

    I'm afraid it's bad news. You are suffering from
    Stressosis.
    Cause: lack of oranges

    Symptoms: shrunken head, sniffing, dislike of modern architecture, extreme colour blindness

    Cure: attempt to repeat cause

    :lol: :lol:
     
  10. theMouthPiece Visitor Guide

    Find more discussions like this one
    Hypochondriacs
    url
    Diagnosis
  11. 2nd man down

    2nd man down Moderator Staff Member

    spooky or what??

    Bad luck! You are suffering from
    Tutti cornetitis.
    Cause: unknown

    Symptoms: water retention, rosy cheeks, revolving neck

    Cure: take three leeches before going to bed
     
  12. Congratulations! You are suffering from
    Moderatorosis.

    Cause: poor hygiene

    Symptoms: ability to fly, occasional nice dreams, muscle spasms, occasional froglike eyes

    Cure: drink lots of water

    :twisted: hehehe
     
  13. drummergurl

    drummergurl Active Member

    Congratulations! You are suffering from
    Percussionosis.
    Cause: overwork

    Symptoms: blurred vision, sudden gullibility, speaking in tongues, pale skin

    Cure: fresh air

    ........................................................

    Congratulations! You are suffering from
    Timpani's Syndrome.
    Cause: allergy to noodles

    Symptoms: frequent puncture wounds, watery eyes, steam whistling from ears, muscle spasms

    Cure: trepanning <---- in english???
     
  14. it's where they drill a hole in your head to release 'evil spirits'
    Wow! GSCE history had a use!
     
  15. drummergurl

    drummergurl Active Member

    ooooooooooooooooooooooo

    It's just as I feared. You are suffering from
    Sleepyness' Disease.
    Cause: caught in hospitals

    Symptoms: high blood-alcohol level, extreme chest pain, fatigue, sudden Hitler moustache

    Cure: wake up and realise it was all just a dream
     
  16. aimee_euph

    aimee_euph Member

    Bad luck! You are suffering from
    Euphoniumitis.
    Cause: watching too much television

    Symptoms: grimacing, dilation of pupils, sneezing, sudden electric shocks

    Cure: take a few Prozac tablets and come back in the morning

    hmm....

    and also found this...on the second link

    aimee
    n. 1. an exceptional drink. 2. a beautiful disco.
    "That aimee is exceptional, Billie!"

    and then....
    Good lord! You are suffering from
    Aimee's Syndrome.
    Cause: stress

    Symptoms: mild hyperactivity, revolving neck, coughing

    Cure: take a day off work
     
  17. bassinthebathroom

    bassinthebathroom Active Member

  18. akwarose

    akwarose Active Member

    muffin
    n. a vulgar hand gesture.
    "Are you giving me the muffin, my friend?"
     

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