FOR PEOPLE WITH CHILDREN,NEPHEWS,NIECES....etc

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by cornetshell, Feb 23, 2004.

  1. cornetshell

    cornetshell Member

    To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are
    our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle.

    Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His
    own children.
    After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.
    And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"
    "Don't what?" Adam replied.
    "Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
    "Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve...we have forbidden fruit!!!!!"
    "No Way!"
    "Yes, way!"
    "Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.
    "Why?"
    "Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied,
    wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked! "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.

    "Uh huh," Adam replied.
    "Then why did you?" said the Father.
    "I don't know," said Eve.
    "She started it!" Adam said.
    "Did not!"
    "Did too!"
    "DID NOT!"
    Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that
    Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

    BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!

    If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children
    wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

    THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!

    1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them
    to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit
    down and shut up.

    2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own
    children.

    3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

    4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat
    word for word what you shouldn't have said.

    5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

    6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

    ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose
    your nursing home one day.

    AND FINALLY: IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET
    A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
    "TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"

    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
     
  2. cornetchap

    cornetchap Member

    Excellent :lol: This one, in particular had me laughing because at his Granddad's over the weekend my son Euan switched the rugby off on the TV because his Granddad was playing "Ninja Turtles" with him and he said that you shouldn't have the telly on when you're doing something else, which is exactly what we've been teaching him at home :D Granddad wasn't best pleased but what could he say :D

    Cheers, Greg.
     
  3. akwarose

    akwarose Active Member

    i know. i'm always being told to shut up.... but then again, I do talk quite a lot compared to most people i know.
     

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