Excuses for bad playing

Discussion in 'The Rehearsal Room' started by Tim Fermor, Nov 29, 2008.

  1. Tim Fermor

    Tim Fermor New Member

    Looking through the thread "conductor put downs" reminded me of my first band I joined. Typical village band with lots of poor playing. The type of people in the band didn't want to get told off for making the same mistakes over and over so used to come up with a different excuse each time.
    I am sure some were true but there was so many that the conductor in exasperation and light heartedly started an "excuse book" and each time a new excuse was given wrote it down. He kept it going until he died! - it must be around some where still.

    How many excuses have other people heard at band practices out there? - post below and give us all a laugh.
    I do remember the first in the book was :- I've got the wrong teeth in.
    poor chap actually had picked up the wrong set of false teeth!!!!!:eek:
  2. Daisy Duck

    Daisy Duck Member

    The most frequent excuse I've heard from other people of a certain age is "I've got the wrong glasses on".

    This summer, I struggled to play properly during my band's first piece after the break at a bandstand gig on the south coast. The reason? I'd frozen my lips on my ice lolly during the break and I couldn't feel anything!
  3. skweeky

    skweeky Member

    I remember playing with a small group at a function, where the host put on a lovely breaktime meal for us. Everyone likes a good curry right??....

    Well thats fine until you realise that you have burned your lips and tongue it is that spicy!!

    Maybe not an excuse for bad playing, but a typical lack of common sense :p

    I have heard players blaming their intonation on the fact that the whole band get flatter and flatter and they are the only one to stay in tune.....

    I have been practising too much today.... LOL

    Wrong mouthpice....

    I love it when people say "someone has written the wrong fingering over the top"

    Its a bad page turn....

    Ive just cleaned my instrument lol....

    (struggling to think of the funny ones)
  4. Masterblaster jnr

    Masterblaster jnr Active Member

    we had a good one at band last night,

    Flugel sat next to me starts playing, sounds a bit odd. conductor stops rehearsal, "that flugel part sounds a bit dodgy"..."oh sorry, i'm playing the wrong piece of music!"
  5. Hells Bones

    Hells Bones Active Member

    Put simply, there isn't one.

    Just poor preparation/concentration.
  6. Bass Trumpet

    Bass Trumpet Active Member

    Perhaps not quite what we're looking for but a gem from my youth:

    Conductor: "Can you see me from behind that bass?"

    10-year-old bass player: "Nearly!"
  7. DublinBass

    DublinBass Supporting Member

    "I'm really not very good"

    "I didn't practise"

    "The lighting is bad, I can't see the music."

    "Tempos are too brisk"
  8. Last year I punched a wall and had to have 2 of my fingers strapped together which made holding sticks and playing an interesting experience to what already is my "unique" way of playing :lol:
  9. KMJ Recordings

    KMJ Recordings Supporting Member

    I'm only the librarian....but we thought it'd look better if there was no empty seats....
  10. steve butler

    steve butler Active Member

    Never bother with excuses! Just blame it on the person sat next to you - always works for me :biggrin:
  11. The Wherryman

    The Wherryman Active Member

    Wouldn't work for Michel de Lyons then, would it :(
  12. steve butler

    steve butler Active Member

    Poor old Billy
  13. Hells Bones

    Hells Bones Active Member

    I think it is a space good old Mr B could fill... :biggrin:
  14. steve butler

    steve butler Active Member

    Its the most eagley anticipated appointment in banding
  15. Hells Bones

    Hells Bones Active Member

    two words....

    Oh Dear ;)
  16. Mesmerist

    Mesmerist Well-Known Member

    "It were fine when it went in..." (in the mouthpiece - said by an older chap I once sat by)
  17. Mesmerist

    Mesmerist Well-Known Member

    "There was a fly on the page - and I think I played it!" (good old Bill - he did make me laugh)
  18. Mesmerist

    Mesmerist Well-Known Member

    "I can`t play fast notes because my fingers are too small" (said by v annoying female who wanted to sit on the end but wanted everyone else to do the solos and hard work as she was too rubbish. Absolutely true story)
  19. Thirteen Ball

    Thirteen Ball Active Member

    Dammit. That's MY usual excuse. At least it's another member of the bass players union using it though.

    Can I at least have the UK rights? ;)

    When one of our tromboffonists was dropping a few wrong un's in rehearsal recently, his excuse (Genuine as well) was that he'd left his pad of music at home in barnsley, so was reading across off the solo trom part and swapping it all down a third.

    Probably my best excuse, back in the mists of junior band was for why I stopped playing halfway through Derek Ashmore's arrangement of Jingle Bells at a very public outdoor job.

    When the conductor, (not our regular bloke and already somewhat infuriated for reasons no-one really fathomed) shouted, quite loud enough for the audience to hear "Andi, why the b****y hell did you stop playing there?!" I lost my rag and shouted back "Because it's minus four and my f***ing valves have just siezed solid with the cold! ALRIGHT!?"

    The, mercifuly shortened, remainder of the concert had something of an atmosphere about it.

    Not the most professional display by either of us.... but I did have a proper excuse.
  20. Daisy Duck

    Daisy Duck Member

    What's the point in sitting on the end if you don't want to do any of the solos?!

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