Yes, yes I know it's football again...............but they are funny. As we pass the group stages of Euro 2004, only the finest teams make it into the final eight. Let's hope the commentary gaffes undergo a similar filtering process. Next week's cock-ups will be of unprecedented hilarity if this lot are anything to go by... "The keeper's got chocolate wrists." Peter Reid's chocolate addiction began to affect his work. "It looks like he's got a bit of a knock there, judging by the language on his face." Clive Tyldsley reads players reactions. Oddly. "The overhead kick could've gone anywhere. But it didn't." Crisis averted. Thanks for that bulletin, Mark Bright. "Nervy, edgy, cautious - a bit like Alan Hansen on the dancefloor." Gary Lineker shares his painful dancefloor memories with a nation. "He's better than Brucey on Strictly Come Dancing, his footwork's that good." Cristiano Ronaldo has been likened to Best, Beckham and Giggs. Gary Lineker becomes the first to compare him with Bruce Forsyth. "You wouldn't want him measuring the carpet in your room would you?" Mark Lawrenson casts dispersions on referee Anders Frisk's distance perception. "That was a do-it-yourself vasectomy there. His missus will be cringing at that." Gordon Strachan ladels out sympathy as Spain's Raul Bravo slides into the goalpost. "It's not going to be an enjoyable game." Lineker instantly regretted giving Strachan the final say to advertise the BBC's coverage of England v Croatia. "One more goal will equal the five England got in Munich." John Motson solves the mystery of what four plus one equals. "Marian Pahars is imminent. He's stripped off and ready to come." Barry Davies puts a smutty slant on Latvia vs Germany. "Johann Vonlathen has scored for Switzerland against France. He's even younger than Wayne Rooney, which means he's probably going to take Rooney's record as the youngest scorer in European Championship history." Motson again. For 'probably' read 'is definitely'. "And so Italy are out of Euro 2004 without winning a game." Gabby Logan, having just presented a two-hour show containing highlights of Italy 2 Bulgaria 1.