Just thought I would post this, so that all those from outside Essex who are comong to Hadleigh for the Tmp concert can understand what the locals are on about. Hope this helps..... A -Z of Essex English ASSA COMMONS - Our Parliament Building. ART ATTACK - Extremely perturbed, as in "Don't tell Sharon, She'll have an art attack." ARST - Past tense of ask. "Jordan, I must've arst ya free fazzund time to clear up yer room." BANNSA - A person employed to deny access or eject troublemakers at a club. "Dave's got izself a job as a bannsa." BANTY - A chocolate and coconut snack bar. BAVE - To wash oneself. BOAF - The two. "Oi Dave, ooja fancy most, Sharon or Tracy?" “Boaf” is the reply. BRANSATCH - Motor racing circuit in Kent. CANCEL - Administrative body of a town. "Darren, wive ad annuvva letter from the cancel." CANTAFIT - Fake, as in money. CHOONA - An edible fish purchased in a tin and usually prepared with mayonnaise. CORT A PANDA - A big hamburger (smaller than an arf panda) DAAAN – Not up DAN TO URF - Sensible, practical. DANNING STREET - Where the Prime Minister lives. DANSTEZ - On the ground floor , where the biggest telly is. DREKKUN - Do you consider? as in "Which dog drekkun'll win the next race?" EFTY - Considerable. "Ere, Trace, this credit card bill's a bit efty." EJOG - A small, spiky animal (hedgehog). ERZ - Belonging to her. EVVY - A big geezer who protects a smaller and more intelligent geezer, usually for money. "My name's Frank and this is my evvy, Knuckles." EYEBROW - Cultured, intellectual. FANTIN - A jet of water for drinking or ornament. FARVA - A posh way of saying Dad. FATCHA - Margaret, British Prime Minister 1979 - 1990. FAZZUND – A number 1 more than 999 FINGY - A person or object whose name doesn't come to mind. "I got it on wiv fingy last night." FONG - Skimpy undergarment. FOR CRYIN AT LAAD - Mild expletive showing annoyance or surprise. E.G. "For cryin at lad, Britney, if I say Yes will you give it a rest?" GAWON - Go on. "Gawon Darren, eat ya granny's cabbage, it'll do yer good." GIVE IT LARGE - To be thorough or enthusiastic. GRAND - A football stadium. "It all wennoff atside the pub near the “grand." HAITCH - Letter of the alphabet between G and I. IBEEFA - The Spanish holiday island. IFFY - Dubious. "Ere, Trace, I fink this bread pudding you made last munf's a bit iffy." INT - Indirect suggestion. " I gave Darren a sort of int that it was time to wash iz feet." IPS - An unknown area of a woman's body to which chocolate travels. "That Mars Bar will go straight to me ips." JA - Do you, did you. "Ja like me new airdo, Sharon." JACKS - Five Pound note. "Lend us a jacks, wilya?" JAFTA - Is it really necessary? "Oi mate, jafta keep doing that?" KAF - Eating house open during the day. KAFFY - A girl's name. LAD - Noisy. "Jordan, turn that music daaan, it's too lad." LARJ - Enjoying oneself. LEVVA - Material made from the skin of an animal. LOTREE - Costs £1 for a ticket. MA BLARCH - An arch near Hyde Park. MAFFS - The study of numbers. MANOR - Local area. *****R - An unattractive person (usually woman). NARRA - Lacking breadth, with little margin. "Mum wannid to come rand but changed er mind. That was a narra escape." NARTAMEAN - Do you know what I mean? (sometimes used as janartamean). NEEVA - Not one nor the other. NES - National Elf Service. OAF - A solemn declaration of truth or committment. OLLADAY - Time taken away from home for rest and adventure. ONNIST - Fair and just, without a lie. "I never did it, onnist." OPPIT - Go away , as in "Oi you, oppit." PADDA PUFF - Soft, lacking aggression. "They're alright up front but they got a padda puff defence." PACIFIC - Specific. PAFFUL - Having much power or strength. PAIPA - Sun, Mirror etc. PANS AN ANNSIS - Imperial weight system. PLAMMANS - A pub lunch usually made up of cheese and bread. QUALIDEE - Good, as in "West 'Am's new striker's qualidee." RAND - A number of drinks purchased for a group. RANDEER - Locally. "There ain't much call for it randeer." REBAND - Period of recovery after rejection by a lover. "I couldn't 'elp it. I was on the reband from Craig." ROOFLESS - Without compassion. SAFF - A direction of the compass, opposite north. SAFFEND - An Essex seaside town. SAWTED - Done, arranged, resolved. SEEVIN - Very angry. "I woz seevin when I urd wot 'e sed." TALENT - Attractive members of the opposite sex. "Dave's gan dan tan to eye up the talent." TAN ASS - A modern terraced house. TOP EVVY - A woman of plentiful bosom. "Ere look at that, Darren, she's well top evvy." UG - An unattractive person. "Sharon's new geezer's a bit of an ug." UMP - Upset, as in Got the Ump. VACHER - A document which can be exchanged for goods or services. "I got a vacher to get in cheap at Forp Park." WANNED UP - Tense. "I'm all wanned up at the moment." WAWAZUT? - I beg your pardon. WENNOFF - A fight commenced as in "It all wennoff". YAFTA - You must : "Even if yer guilty, yafta av mitigating circumstances." YOOF OSTALL - A place where holidaymakers can stay the night. ZAGGERATE - To suggest something is better or bigger than is true. "Craig, I must've told ya a fazzund times already." "Don't zaggerate, mum."