Equality In The Home - A Myth?

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by Charmed, May 1, 2006.

  1. Charmed

    Charmed Active Member

    After talking a lot to family and friends who, like me, work full time, it has become apparent that, unlike them, I am looked upon as 'spoiled', 'have an easy life', 'don't know that I'm born'. And I have to admit, that compared to some of my female friends, it does look that way. But then I started to think about why.

    Yes I work full time, yes I have a husband, and yes, up until very recently I had 2 children living at home, now I only have 1. I sometimes do housework, if I'm honest, not very often as my husband does it. He also does most of the laundry (except ironing) and is the one that often clears away the pots after meals. He chooses to do all these things, I might add. With regards to the cleaning of the house, when I went back to full time work I informed him that I was not going to be spending all my free time cleaning and therefore I would get a cleaner in. His response to this was there was no need as he didn't mind doing it, actually quite enjoys it (so he says, I think it was the thought of spending money!)

    Taking my situation into account, one could argue that yes, equality in the home is here in the 21st Century......... Then why, might I ask, is it such a big thing that my husband chooses to do the housework and I don't? Why do family and friends find it 'strange' that my husband does these things and I don't? Why am I considered 'lazy', 'lucky', 'a lady of leisure' etc, etc.....

    If my situation was reversed to the 'norm', would my husband be considered all the things that I apparently am? I think not! And the most worrying and irritating thing that makes it worse is that I too feel 'guilty' about letting my husband do all these things that 'really are my jobs'!

    So it may appear 'physically' that equality is here in the home, but 'mentally' in society, I rather think we have a long way to go!
  2. Di

    Di Active Member

    You shouldn't feel guilty for living in a style that obviously suits you both. Just let it be known to those that call you "lucky" etc that you DO work full time too and you'd quite happily take on all the household chores so long as you gave up the full time job to do so. :)

    We have a similar arrangement in our house. OK, I only work part time. I work around the kids school hours, then I have to pick both kids up from school. Vicki is in Hinckley close to where I work, (in an out of catchment area school so she can't take the school bus), whilst Adam's school is closer to home (some 7 or 8 miles from Vic's and work). He doesn't catch the bus thus giving the school bullies one less chance to have a go at him. One day a week I have to pick Adam up, take him home, then return to Vic's school later in the afternoon as she stays for an after school class, then another day, I race across town to pick Adam up, take him back to Vic's school as he's joined the orchestra in advance of him going to that school next year. I'm then able to come home and wait for them to be dropped off (fortunately!) by a friends mum.

    All this plus a standard 3 nights a week taking them to band practice, plus engagements, plus other bands/engagements/depping commitments that Vic takes on leaves me not in the home very much!

    So "housework" is a quick run round the house, pick a few things up, push the hoover around and load the dishwasher when I get home. Ironing (unless I feel really bored like I did on Saturday ;) ) is usually done "on demand" and Steve will often do his own in the mornings. He also prepares the kids breakfast, lunch boxes and cooks all my meals for me.

    So I guess I'm one of the "lucky" "don't know you've been born" ones too. ;)
  3. ju33les

    ju33les Member

    I too can be considered as "one of the lucky ones".....

    I work full-time, have no kids and Tim does ALL the chores around the house.
    As he works from home he feels that this is only right that he does everything.
    I even have my breakfast made for me and my uniform ironed.

    On occasions I have felt that I should be doing more, but he always reassures me that the job I do is stressful enough without having to worry about the household stuff. It does help that he is very particular about how things are done and can be very territorial about the kitchen!!!! (which helps when I'm watching what I eat, as he knows exactly what is in the fridge!!!).

    My colleagues do think I'm lucky, but I have never been branded as lazy etc by them.

    There is one job in the house which I hold sole responsibility and that is Chairman of the Entertainment Committee ;)
  4. Aardvark

    Aardvark Member

    Obviously this is prevelent brass banding couples :clap:

    Matthew (MRSH) & I both have very busy full time jobs and though we have a cleaner who sometimes does a bit of ironing, we share the rest of the household tasks. He does the cooking (although I think that is mostly due to the fact I am not particularly good at it and burnt salad every day gets a bit boring :rolleyes: ). I do the washing up and sort out the laundry. Anything else that needs doing, gets done by whoever is free.

    We play with separate bands and regularly dep elsewhere, so we both muck in - it's the only way the house stays respectable :biggrin:
  5. Will the Sec

    Will the Sec Active Member

    I'm in what I would have previously thought to be cloud cuckoo land. I do all the cooking and shopping, some of the washing, and chip in where I can with the cleaning and washing up. Me? Cooking? Yep, it's true...
  6. bagpuss

    bagpuss Active Member

    Taking your situation into account I would disagree with you. Equality in the home IS NOT HERE. It would appear from your post that your husband does all the work around the house. By definition equality would mean a 50/50 split. Please correct me if I'm wrong but this does not appear to be the case in your household. If I'm correct, then you are indeed lucky to have someone who does all the household 'chores' and so I'd have to agree with your family and friends.

  7. Charmed

    Charmed Active Member

    I take your point and yes, you could look at it that way. However, when I talk about equality, I don't mean 'equal chores'. I was merely suggesting that equality in the home is when it is 'not expected' that 'just' the women should do household chores. We both do household chores, but Tim does take on the majority, through choice, not because he has to.

    The point I was making is that Tim is looked upon as something 'wonderful' because he does do chores, whereas I would bet, most women who do the majority of chores are not seen as anything special, but just doing what is 'expected'.
  8. BigHorn

    BigHorn Active Member

    Good grief - the world's gone mad:eek:

    Madam - your husband is a disgrace to his sex - get him to see a doctor straight away:-?

    And you madam are no better. Go straight to the kitchen and put the kettle on. And after you have made your husband a cup of tea - DO THE IRONING. You know it makes sense.;)
  9. can i adopt/borrow one of you, and if any one has a child that can do household things without moaning "why me?" can i have them too please!

    TIMBONE Active Member

    Charmed, it is true what you say, that many people will think how wonderful it is for a man to do womens jobs! Of course, this is the reason. In our society, it is amazing how many men still think that domestic chores are a woman's job. I am very fortunate, as I was brought up in a household where my Dad set a very good example, I grew up knowing that it was quite normal for a man to cook, clean, and generally just be in touch with his feminine side.
  11. Charmed

    Charmed Active Member

    Oh Dear! Pity that man!
  12. Ruthless

    Ruthless Member

    I am also in this happy minority, my hubby looks after me very well. Tea is always cooking by the time I get home from work. He regularly picks stuff up from Tescos (he goes there every lunchtime anyway) He does the washing up whilst I dry. He puts the washing in - I had to amit to not knowing what functions were on the old washing machine when we went to buy a new one:oops: . He washes my car each week. We do the cleaning together when it needs it. Although I did get home from band one night last week to find he had done it all.

    Yes I could probably do more but we are both very busy with jobs and hobbies - we both do what we can when we can. He does bully me into helping him when he thinks I am not pulling my weight.

    What do I do in return? I love him to bits...is that not enough? Oh and I bake him cakes - the main reason he says for marrying me (I even made our wedding cake as he wanted to make sure it was a good one)

    Most of my friends are jealous and want to know if he has a brother...Luckily he is a one off and mine!!
  13. HBB

    HBB Active Member

    Awww - it's nice to see so many couples looking after each other! :)
  14. bagpuss

    bagpuss Active Member

    So are you a house trained individual and in touch with your more feminine side hbb???;) ;) :D
  15. Charmed

    Charmed Active Member

    I believe Bagpuss is just one of the many who have proven my original post to be correct. ;)
  16. Charmed,
    just incase you read this before i speak to you. All your smalls are washed and i have put them away.

    See you later after my 12 hour shift..
  17. HBB

    HBB Active Member

    I'm house trained!!! :D:D
  18. Ruthless

    Ruthless Member

    Tim is this the reason for your username?

    Do you do ironing as neither Hubbie or I do - I need a white shirt for a week on Saturday;)
  19. Charmed

    Charmed Active Member

    Exaggeration I think, don't you mean 8hr? I've just got in from my 9hours at work, not including travelling, but I'll thank you anyway. ;)
  20. cornetmaest

    cornetmaest New Member

    No time to practice then ?!!!!!!!!!!! hence a previous submission of yours !!!!! :oops: