Edinburgh Fringe One-Liners 2005

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by MRSH, Sep 6, 2005.

  1. MRSH

    MRSH Supporting Member

    Some cracking ones here..............

    • I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.
    • Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
    • The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears.
    • My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs.
    • My parents are from Glasgow which means they're incredibly hard, but I was never smacked as a child ... well maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep at night.
    • My mum and dad are Scottish but they moved down to Wolverhampton when I was two, 'cause they wanted me to sound like a t**t.
    • You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you, because eventually you get tested. She'll go "What's my favourite flower?", and you murmur to yourself "****, I wasn't listening - self-raising?".
    • The world is a dangerous place - only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face.
    • I saw that show '50 Things To Do Before You Die'. I would have thought the obvious one was Shout For Help!!
    • Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station. Went along. Turned out it was a hoax.
    • Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
    • A dog goes into a hardware store and says "I'd like a job please". The hardware store owner says "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join the circus?". The dog replies "What would the circus want with a plumber".
    • Hey - you want to feel really handsome? Go shopping at Asda.
    • I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got one!".
    • It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.
    • I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not very good at it.
    • If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.
     
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  3. PeterBale

    PeterBale Moderator Staff Member

    Some good ones there, Matt ;)

    :clap: :clap: :clap:
     
  4. flower girl

    flower girl Member

    clever, but you really have too much spare time.
     
  5. MRSH

    MRSH Supporting Member

    I don't actually - That post took me about 45 seconds - Copy and paste are wonderful things ;);)
     
  6. flower girl

    flower girl Member

    fair enuf, i apologise.
     
  7. MRSH

    MRSH Supporting Member

    No need for the apology - I just like making tMP'ers smile once in a while. :D:D
     

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