Drinking Ditties

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by MRSH, Mar 23, 2004.

  1. MRSH

    MRSH Supporting Member

    A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of drinkin' fools. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."
    The room is quiet and no one takes of the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later, the same Irishman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder.
    "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.
    The Texan says "Yes," and he asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness.
    Immediately, the Irishman tears into all 10 pints of beer, drinking them all back-to-back.
    The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits down in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and asks, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"
    The Irishman replies, "Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."

    I was nervous the night my husband and I brought our three young sons to an upscale restaurant for the first time. My husband ordered a bottle of wine with the meal. When the waitress brought it, our children became quiet as she began the ritual uncorking. She poured a small amount for me to taste, at that moment, our six-year-old piped up, "Mom usually drinks a lot more than that!"

    A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
    "And why not, darling?" the father asked.
    "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

    George walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, George started to leave.
    "S'cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what George had done, "what was that all about?"
    "Nothin', said George, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"

    A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor first putting a worm into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and it quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. "Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.
    Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"
  2. stephen_clapton

    stephen_clapton New Member

    will anybody give me $500 for drinking 10 pints of guinness?????? :wink:
  3. Ste69

    Ste69 Member

    Ok...I stole it from someone else but it made me laugh......

    A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar...
    So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.

    The Bartender replies "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a 'gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her."

    The guy says, "Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there.

    Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?"

    He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence.

    The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body. "Now" he says "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"

    Boom Boom...... :guiness

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