Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by Walterplinge, Feb 20, 2006.

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  1. Walterplinge

    Walterplinge New Member

    Department for Examining Adjudicating Fairness

    Adjudicators Questionare​
    Do you have what it takes to be a brass band adjudicator ? Following recent criticism of the standard of adjudicating we at the Department for Examining Adjudicating Fairness (D.E.A.F.) have devised the following assessment test for prospective judges.
    Do you fit the bill ?
    Please circle the most appropriate answer in each case.

    1. [*]Are you …
    1. A practicing musician with a wealth of current experience ?
    2. A retired administrator who won a few pots in the 1950’s and 60’s ?
    3. Free most Saturdays ?
    2. What should you listen for in a performance ?
    1. A satisfying musical experience shaped by the conductor and players to best convey the composersintentions ?
    2. You have to listen ?
    3. Pardon ?

    1. [*]What is your favourite T.V. programme ?
    1. I don’t have time to watch T.V. I’m too busy going out giving concerts and making music.
    2. Anything which doesn’t require much concentration.
    3. Opportunity Knocks.That clapometer was foolproof.

    1. [*]Your ideal band …
    1. adapts its approach,sound,style and tone colour depending on the music being played.
    2. sounds like an old 78.
    3. is dead.

    1. [*]How do you get to know the score before adjudicating ?
    1. Study the works structure and form and further develop your understanding of it by working on themusic with a good band.
    2. You should get to know the score ?
    3. What’s a score ?

    1. [*]If you cannot decide on a winner do you …
    1. Admit you are just not up to it and never do it again ?
    2. Count up the split notes ?
    3. Blame it on the other judges ?

    1. [*]Adjudicators should be …
    1. Well respected professional musicians ?
    2. Shot ?
    3. Old ?

    1. [*]Bands drawn early are …
    1. just as likely to impress you as any others ?
    2. a good way of letting you get to know the music ?
    3. unlucky ?

    1. [*]Conductors who abuse the composers intentions should be …
    1. Deported ?
    2. Castigated for trying on cheap tricks ?
    3. Given 1st prize for being inventive ?

    1. [*]Adjudicators remarks are …
    1. useful to remind yourself of your impressions of each bands performance ?
    2. useful to remind soloists where they split notes ?
    3. copied from the judge sitting next to you ?

    Mostly A’s
    You are obviously over qualified for this job and have no real conception of the responsibilities of a brass band adjudicator.Apply again in 40 years time when both your embouchure and hearing have given out.

    Mostly B’s
    You are learning quickly and are well on the road to reaching the standard required for the job.

    Mostly C’s
    You have fully grasped the qualities required for this job and can now expect to while away your twilight years sitting in judgement over and passing on your experience to others less fortunate than yourself.

  2. yorkie19

    yorkie19 Active Member

    I passed!
  3. HBB

    HBB Active Member

    i'm overqualified!!! :(


    this is great! :)
  4. Mr Musical

    Mr Musical New Member


    Nice one Wally - extremely very excellent! :)
  5. flower girl

    flower girl Member

    he he he very good
  6. Bob Sherunkle

    Bob Sherunkle Member


    You might add the importance of being able to poo in a bucket without embarrassment or making too much of a smell.
  7. Baritonedeaf

    Baritonedeaf Member

  8. matti_raz

    matti_raz Member

    ^Is that in keeping with the last post or perhaps your the perfect candidate for the job?;)
  9. Baritonedeaf

    Baritonedeaf Member

    Ha ha - what a wit I am!

    At least half of one! :biggrin:
  10. uncle eric

    uncle eric Member

    as recently appointed third assistant to the press communications officers thursday secretary, special responsibility for shredding and cleaning up those tea rings on important peoples (as appointed by commitee) tables, i have been passed an official press release from the d.e.a.f and i can tell you there has been commotion going on in the office! why i heard one of our emminent officials even comment that this never happened when he was second baritone of [censored] in the late 40's early 50's, or when he conducted in the 4th section!........anyway, i digress

    On behalf of the d.e.a.f I want to express our disgust at the behaviour of mr. walter plinge. we now believe that he was a mole within our organisation, and steps have been taken so as this sort of thing never happens again. we should have seen the flaws in his application form. when he said he'd never been much of a player, certainly not top section standard, but always packed a flask the night before the open and was profficient at a sudden sharp intake of air when confronted by split notes-he even showed his knowledge by stating that music 'should always slow down at the end of a phrase-thats musical my boy' we thought masybe he'd be better suited to our sister club, the Directorship of Instrumental Music Writers for Incapable TrumpeteerS, or d.i.m.w.i.t.s, however when he told us he had an advert in the british bandsman saying adjudicator, we thought then he would be the right man for the job-we should have suspected a rat when he said it was on page 9!!! obviously this is of huge embarrassment to our organisation, and until further notice we are suspending our written exams for entry.

    the d.e.a.f committee

    in addition an unnamed d.e.a.f. spokesman blasted:
    its a disgwace! i have been involved in vawious musical gwoups and orchestras for a vewy long time, and never before have we had to chace the pwoverbial wabbit when he makes off with important documents. i myself as an adjudicator have a unblemished wecord of getting things wight, and often pwoving the audience wong, after all what do they know, and it weally gets on my goat that this man can make us look a laughing stock.

    interesting thoughts
    don't shoot the messenger friends

    uncle eric
  11. WhatSharp?

    WhatSharp? Active Member

    Besides they he clearly missed out a vital selctor question...

    A £20 note comes sliding in under the box just before the next band, do you ...

    1. Disqualify the next band instantly for a blatant attempt at bribery and corruption.
    2. Put the next band first.
    3. Put the next band second cause the previous band gave you a £50

    (just jesting...)
  12. Walterplinge

    Walterplinge New Member

    Eric,mydear old friend,
    so......you've rumbled me.
    Sorry about the recent deception but it took me years to infiltrate the upper echelons of your esteemed society.
    there were times when I thoughtt rumbled me but you always were a sucker for the well placed distraction of a plate of chocolate hob-nobs.
    I thought it was time to go when,donning those rose tinted specs of yours,you availed everyone at the Christmas do with your garbled reminiscences of our time together at the Yorkshire Copperworks Band in the 1960's.Whenever was any band more truly in their "pomp" ?
    Can you remember the look of astonishment on the faces of the audience when we took to the stage at the Rawtenstall Open in 1963 with the 5 year old Phillip McCann on principal cornet?
    Who'd have thought that the little scamp will soon be hitting the big 5-0?
    As for your enraged,if speech impaired,collegue at D.E.A.F. his memory must be shorter than he is.
    I feel I must remind the dear readers that his reputation as an adjudicator does not lie insullied.
    Has he no recollection of the infamous semaphore incident at the 1956 Hardraw Scar Contest?
    Not a day goes by that I don't think about that poor boy scout who "fell" to his untimely death from that jagged outcrop clutching his flags and a copy of the draw.
    Ah well Eric old chap time to sign off - just spotted the health visitor striding purposefully up the drive with todays ointment.
    All my best to the little woman.

  13. uncle eric

    uncle eric Member

    My dear Wally,

    happy times eh? many many happy memories dance in my mind as i drift off with a smile and glaze over, lost in my contented thoughts. but, one has to accept, the health visitor and her ointment only comes once a week or so, and that leaves plenty of time for this old bandsman to mull over the 56 hardrow scar tradgedy. and what a tragedy it was too. how in gods earth meltham were placed 13th i shall never know, nor understand. and the boy scout thing too, but he was very close to the edge.

    as for yorkshire copperworks, i shall never forget their pomp. it was a rainy thursday, and as my fingers danced over the valves (they were siezed up so it was pointless pressing them down) i looked around the band and smiled, only to be jolted into life by the youthful phil mccann, dressed in a mustard babygrow adn cravat, as he quite literally threw his toys out of the pram....

    of course i now face a quandry of friendship over duty. i take my responsibilities at d.e.a.f very seriously, but our 67 years of friendship also matter a great deal. it was of course me that recommended you for the post of adjudicator, i knew you had all the right qualities. you were old, free at weekends, owned your own biro, were cheap, had a relatively clean driving licence, and most of all showed your musical nous by proclaiming your favourite piece to be 'frolic for trombones' (a fine choice may i add)

    i shall have to think it over with a garibaldi and ovaltine

    uncle eric
  14. Walterplinge

    Walterplinge New Member

    my dear Eric,
    apologies for the delay in replying to your last post.
    I have only just been able to unclench my fingers after the administrations of the health visitor.
    If I am indeed to be barred from D.E.A.F. I must find other means of ascending the greasy pole of adjudicating.
    Was it not the famed conductor Henry Slugg who said " an adjudicator is a man who can read music but cannot hear it" ?
    Perhaps I should avoid the musical route to success altogether and seek being accepted by joining one of H.M's emergency services - the police force per chance ?
    I understand this has worked in the past.
    As I have limited experience in "professional" music perhaps I can count on your friendship to ease the way for me through the ranks of adjudicating as I am sure I would not be out of place standing alongside some of todays adjudicating greats on the stage of the british open or the national finals (top section of course) - I have the suit,clipboard and everything.
    As I have no playing or conducting commitments I would be willing to spend hour after hour rooted to my armchair "studying" the latest test piece.I would even turn the T.V. down a bit - as long as Charlie Dimmock wasn't on of course.
    What do you say old chap.
    Is it worth a go ?
  15. uncle eric

    uncle eric Member

    walter walter walter,
    i think they key phrase in your post was...
    ....and indeed you will, my old friend. and let me tell you, a greasy pole it is too. many many have tried to ascend, not that many have succeeded. however, i will let you into one or two things that has gone against fellows who have not quite been able to join our esteemed breatren, and analyse your current position.

    its seems to me you are well prepared in some respects. however, i saw no mention of spare biro? no mention of how to adjudicate the bands you had the afternoon nap for? no mention of being able to open your lunch box quietly.

    certainly the suit (o trust its grey) and clipboard do count in your favour, and your willingness to study the score, although way beyond the call of duty, is admarable, i'm sure you'd agree there's still some way to go


    uncle eric
  16. Walterplinge

    Walterplinge New Member

    Many thanks for the encouragement old chap.
    With regard to the spare biro I am already one step ahead.
    Using the wire cutters which helped us both escape from Stalag Luft 142b all those years ago I have obtained a special spare biro complete with a few inches of silver chain courtesy of the Post Office on a visit this morning for my pitance of a pension.
    I have also made enquires about getting a doctorate.I believe these are all the rage these days although they don't seem to have done much for the reputations of messrs. Crippen and Shipman.
    I've had a look on t'internet and it seems you can pick one up at very little cost - especially in time and effort.
    On the subject of how to adjudicate the bands performing when I have my afternoon nap I have already written up a selection of all purpose remarks to suit most test pieces.You know the sort of thing....
    "all goes well through C"
    "unlucky sop. but you recover well"
    "percussion too loud throughout".
    As for the lunch box you know I'm not allowed solids with these teeth - so it's the flask of pea and ham as usual.
    As each day passes without a phone call for my services as a player or conductor I feel more and more qualified to be a brass band adjudicator.
    I have even started writing an extensive - if a bit vague on the hard facts - C.V. for inclusion in contest programmes.I'm really getting into this and am already on chapter 3.
    Anyway I must go now."Countdown" - sorry "score studying time" awaits.
    Keep your pecker up.If not for you at least for your Ada.
    Best Wishes,
    ( soon to be Dr.Walter Plinge)
  17. Jughead

    Jughead New Member

    I would just like to say I found your master class on adjudication very interesting and educational, that clapometer really is fool proof !
  18. uncle eric

    uncle eric Member


    i think there are one or two salient points in your last post. but you just can't go tossing the reputations of, lets face it, bandings elite, higgledy piggledy around the place, casting aspergers upon the acedemic feats of some of our prominent celebrities. these people are who the young bandsmen and bandsladies look up to, walter, and they must, i repeat must, be held in high regard within our movement. after all can you imagine how highly a doctorate in the field of brass bands is regarded in the wider musical world? i rest my case!
    i showed your naptalk (adjudicator speak) to an eminent judge, who was mildly impressed with your efforts, but offered a few comments

    "all goes well through C" - not a bad comment. try to include bar numbers rather than rehearsal letters, then most people won't bother checking where your talking about
    "unlucky sop. but you recover well" almost.....unlucky [insert unreadable scribble here-the conductor will just read it as whoever he thought had a bad day] I feel, but you recover
    "percussion too loud throughout". a real no no walter. never be this specific!!

    anyway, hope that helps

    your friend

    uncle eric
  19. Walterplinge

    Walterplinge New Member

    Oh Eric,
    I really do have quite a lot to learn about the adjudicators comments business.
    Keep it vague and non specific seems to be the key - just like my C.V.
    Which incidently is now running to 4 pages of A4,and to think I've yet to mention any tangible connection to any sort of top flight band by name.
    Could you recommend a listening list of works which would help my development for life " in the box" ?
    ( five hours closer to that doctorate )
  20. Will the Sec

    Will the Sec Active Member

    Oh, dear.

    Suggest you re-read Maskerade if you think Henry Slugg was a conductor.
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