Conductor Classics

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by MRSH, May 27, 2005.

  1. MRSH

    MRSH Supporting Member

    Actual instructions to the orchestra from professional conductors during rehearsal.

    I think I've used something close to one or two of these myself :D


    "Please don't use the depth-charge pizzicato."

    "Pianissimo doesn't mean 'Drop the f--- out.'"

    "Listen to the tune, and then accompany it in a non-disgraceful fashion."

    "Let's see if you can pizzicato together in a non-banjo-like way."

    "It's very hard to raise money for something that sounds like this does."

    "You know, there's a fine line between artistry and s**t. Not that what you're doing is s**t, but it's close to it."

    "Imagine you're getting enough money for what you do."

    "Not so bright. It sounds like 'Orpheus in his Underwear.'"

    "Play short, especially if you don't know where you are."

    "That was a drive-by viola solo."

    "Horns, imagine that you've had a really ugly breakfast and it's about to come up."

    "There is a lot of fishing for notes. I wish you'd would catch some."

    "Strings, I know what you're thinking: 'With all this racket going on, why am I playing?' Well, sorry, there's no time for existential questions right now."

    "The place where you will be shot if you come in early is the bar before 26."

    "You're all wondering what speed it's going to go. Well, so am I."

    "Play as if you were musicians."
     
  2. Naomi McFadyen

    Naomi McFadyen New Member

    :lol: some gooduns there... have to try a few of them myself

    ;-)
     
  3. johnflugel

    johnflugel Active Member

    I went to see Dyke rehearse under Jim Watson and they were doing 'Le Roi D'ys' he asked the basses to be more mysterious....they played and he stopped them and said 'I said mysterious....that was about as mysterious as a slap in the face'. Simple but effective!

    Heard YBS rehearse once or twice, but alot of the things I heard in there are not repeatable on a family forum!! He he!
     
  4. FlugelD

    FlugelD Member

    "When I hear a march, it should make me feel like I want to march, not walk out..." (cleaned-up version ;))
     
  5. Craigsav83

    Craigsav83 Active Member

    I can remember my MD comparing my muted start of Alan Fernie's "Singin' in the Rain" as "you sounded like squeaky bike.." :frown:

    And...

    "Was that an A flat or a flat A???" :tongue:


    Some of those are pretty good... I must store some for future use... :biggrin:
     
  6. Bryan_sop

    Bryan_sop Active Member

    Classic line from our ex-conductor (Now principal cornet)

    "Let's start from the beginning and work backwards"

    I think it was him anyway :oops:
     

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