Bb Bass players will get the tune in every piece of music! Soprano Cornet players won't sit nearest to the bar! Trombone players will play quietly when the music says so! Cornet players won't have egos! Flugel players will join in with the horns as a section! The horn will not be seen as "the girl's instrument"! Baritone players will play small bore instruments that are not 4 valved mini euphoniums! Euphonium players will not whinge if there is not a 64 bar solo for them in every test piece! Eb Bass players will get as many solos as Euphoniums! Percussion players will play side drums and woodblocks in tune! Conductors will not beat left handed and backwards! Coat!