Christmas Rant!

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by Leyfy, Dec 18, 2010.

  1. Leyfy

    Leyfy Active Member

    Not mine, but I had to copy this from the TES website as it had me in stitches...

    "Sorry, I wasn't going to do this again this year - I made a real effort to adopt a cheery Christmas happy-head, but a trip into town led me into Scroogality once more.Why do so many people feel they have to do certain things at Christmas "just because we've always done it that way"?

    I am NOT talking about nice family traditions that provide a welcome link and joyful memories of times and people gone by; rather the pointless little things that no-one actually likes but get churned out year after year after bleedin' year.

    Dates: a compressed box of candied cockroaches that sit on the sideboard or coffee table and no-one eats and the dog swallows the little plastic dagger that is superglued onto the box by a sugar/epoxy amalgam. Dates (fresh dates) are sublime and are available year-round. Try them, eat them, but spare me from the sticky squished sable tirds[sic]

    Nuts: a bowl of nuts and a comedy nutcracker. No-one likes them but there is an obligation to try them and kernel-shrapnel flies everywhere, piercing arteries and blinding pets, and Great Uncle Vern gets a hernia trying to break a Brazil nut

    Christmas Pudding: the heaviest duff possible after the biggest meal of the year. Which genius came up with that combination? Setting fire to it doesn't make it any more acceptable, especially when you use industrial-strength brandy

    Turkey: a vast bird that no-one cooks properly, meaning I get offered the appetising choice of stringy cardboard or a moist bloodbath. Seriously, you do NOT need to cook something that could have carried off Sinbad when alive.

    Sprouts: 4 minutes, not 4 hours. Nuff said

    Quality Street: After 37 minutes there will be the flat gold discs and the brown oblongs left. Buy Cadbury Roses

    Mulled Wine: If the bottle of Latvian shiraz is rubbish to begin with, boiling it with pot-pourri is not going to make it drinkable. I'd rather have a glass of hot Um-bongo

    Presents for middle-aged men: We have enough ties, socks, books of golf jokes. Buy us booze.

    Christmas episodes of soap operas: Death is stalking the Street/Square - we get it!

    The latest James Bond film: Daniel Craig is NOT Sean Connery and never will be. He is not even Timothy Dalton

    Midnight Mass: who the hell is that in MY pew?

    Christmas cards from people in the house: could you not just have said "Happy Christmas" to me and added the £2.85 you spent on the card to my present? (booze, remember, not socks)

    Cheese and biscuits: Wensleydale with fruitgums in it is unacceptable. And please put out digestives to have with the Stilton

    Paper hats in crackers: Size 8 heads exist - make the hats big and they can be made smaller - they can't be larger. A rip up the back and they will fall off into my gravy.

    Pictionary: Draw it properly in the first place. Repeatedly tapping your vague sausage-shaped squiggle with two triangles coming out one end does NOT make it any clearer. Nor will repeatedly drawing a circle around it. And don't chew the pen - we're all sharing that.

    Relatives: I don't know Uncle Magog and Auntie Syph, never met them, don't care about them, refuse to be bothered about who was their daughter's bridesmaid.

    Questions: Yes I want another drink - I always want another drink. If you wake me up at 4:37am the answer will be yes. No - I don't WANT to take the rubbish out. I will do it. I won't like doing it.

    There is doubtless more . . . "

    Original post here
  2. winterman

    winterman Member

    I whole-heartedly agree with everything they said! :)
  3. Bayerd

    Bayerd Active Member

    The only one I disagree with is the Plum duff one. Love a bit of plum duff me.....
  4. Bass Trumpet

    Bass Trumpet Active Member

    Thanks Kim, I'm a bit under the weather and it really cheered me up.
  5. julestools

    julestools Active Member

    I agree with every word. Bah Humbug indeed

    And just try getting some shopping in


  6. DMBabe

    DMBabe Supporting Member


    All true! Apart from the quality street, I quite like cheap choccies..... not fussy which, QS, Roses, LIDLs own..... Any chocolate is good chocolate. But I agree with Jules, the shops are ridiculous. Even with the snow aside, I don't get why every year people buy so much food and stuff when the shops are only shut for a day at most? It's like Nuclear Bunker mentality! After all if push comes to shove there's always those quality street toffees......:lol:
  7. Leyfy

    Leyfy Active Member

    Gotta be celebrations :D

    Saying that, any chocolate is good chocolate! Unless its white.... or has orange in it. Blurgh.
  8. DMBabe

    DMBabe Supporting Member

    Yeah white chocolate isn't even chocolate..... BOAK!!!! I do like a chocolate orange though... a bit like the chocolate equivalent of pringles, once you "tap and unwrap" it's a goner! :biggrin:
  9. hicks

    hicks Member

    True, but there's good and *very* good.
  10. DMBabe

    DMBabe Supporting Member

    You mean Dairy Milk? ;)
  11. Leyfy

    Leyfy Active Member

    Darker the better!

    Plus add mint to the list of things that shouldn't be added to chocolate. Those mint chocolate oranges are just wrong. Oooh I feel a poll coming on ;)
  12. DMBabe

    DMBabe Supporting Member

    "Which chocolate is most wrong? White, dark, orange, mint or other.... of course milk is exempt cos of awesomeness"???? :D
  13. Leyfy

    Leyfy Active Member

    Yes!! I'd definitely vote white - I cannot imagine anything worse than a white mint chocolate orange ;)
  14. julestools

    julestools Active Member

    CDM for me (please) :)
    Galaxy for er indoors


  15. hicks

    hicks Member

    :) That's very good when purchased at a discounted price from Cadbury World.
  16. hicks

    hicks Member

    Sounds a bit odd, but as a die hard chocoholic, I'm prepared to give it a go.
  17. bbg

    bbg Member

    Lindor/Lindt (closely followed by Milka) is the best chocolate in my 'umble opinion.......and orangey / minty chocolate is OK too. Tried the Lindt bar with the chilli flavouring ? Superb!!

    Additional Christmas rant - it is NOT XMAS!!!!!
  18. MoominDave

    MoominDave Well-Known Member

    Not Xmas? Why not? My old RE teacher (a Christian chauvinist, not a nice man, sorry to bring him up really) used to get exercised about this until someone pointed out to him that X is an abbreviation for "Christ" used for centuries:
  19. bbg

    bbg Member

    A Christian RE teacher? Whatever next.........

    Seriously, educated folks like us may know the history, but today's chav generation will use slang and abbreviations to avoid having to think about anything in any depth whatsoever, so let's please keep "Christmas".

    Mind you, even worse than "Xmas" - "CHRIMBO"!
  20. MoominDave

    MoominDave Well-Known Member

    Not just a Christian, a Christian chauvinist. Tiresome man he was. Refused to teach us anything but Christian propaganda. Curriculum laid out interesting explorations of various faiths. He gave us more Christian propaganda.

    Mind you, as one who is thoroughly non-religious, it's my duty to point out that the Christian festival was a hijacking of the pre-existing pagan festival of Yule, and so the Pagans have a legitimate prior claim on the festival, making this style of insistence ring a bit hollow. You celebrate your religious festival if you like, but grant us non-Christians the right to call it by whatever name we like.

    But yeah, 'Chrimbo' is awful...

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