Child's Play

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by Well Worth It, Aug 12, 2004.

  1. Well Worth It

    Well Worth It Active Member

    For those with No children - this is totally hysterical!
    For those who already have children past this age - this is hilarious.
    For those who have children at this age - this is not funny.
    For those who have children nearing this age - this is a warning.
    For those who have not yet had children - this is a form of birth control!

    The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas: "Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):"

    1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 3 bedroom house about 4 inches deep.

    2. If you spray hair spray on a nylon duster and then run over it with
    roller skates / blades, they can ignite.

    3. A 3-year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

    4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and
    Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can,
    to spread paint on all four walls of a large room.

    5. You should not throw balls up when the ceiling fan is on, using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can then hit a ball a long way.

    6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a ball hit by a ceiling fan.

    7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.

    8. Brake fluid mixed with Bleach makes smoke, and lots of it.

    9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

    10. Certain bits of Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.

    11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

    12. Super glue is forever.

    13. No matter how much Jelly you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

    14. Pool filters do not like Jelly.

    15. VCR's do not eject toasted sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

    16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

    17. Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving and very expensive to remove.

    18. You probably do not want to know what that smell really is.

    19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

    20. The average response time for the fire brigade is about 20 minutes.

    21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

    22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

    23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

    24. The mind of a 6-year old is a wonderful and amazing thing.

    True story: One day the infant school teacher was reading the story
    of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the
    story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building
    materials for his home. She read," ..And so the pig went up to the
    man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but
    may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher
    paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"
    One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy
    xxxxx! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next
    10 minutes.

    25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid.
     
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  3. jambo

    jambo Member

    Got sent that last week. Superb! Particularly as I dont have kids
     
  4. jameshowell

    jameshowell Active Member

    The thought never crossed my mind... :roll: :oops:
     
  5. tubafran

    tubafran Active Member

    Thats so true but it works best with powdered bleach not the liquid type :)
     
  6. jameshowell

    jameshowell Active Member

    Me thinks I now have "scientific" research to perform in the name of humanity...

    Theory: Powder bleach works better for this than the liquid form.

    Results: Coming soon (If I have a house left :lol: )
     
  7. bigmamabadger

    bigmamabadger Active Member

    The yell of the three-year-old is louder than an MV Augusta 1500 at 5 paces. Particularly when mentioning bodily functions or commenting on the naughtiness/silliness/smelliness of people nearby. :oops:

    They do explode when the cat pisses straight into the ejector...

    No, you really, really don't want to know what that smell is. But you can guess.
     
  8. mikelyons

    mikelyons Supporting Member

    Where can you get powdered bleach? I want to try this.

    It was obviously something I missed out on, unlike drinking dettol, eating worms and frogspawn, toast in the video machine and, incidentally a cassette in the toaster.

    James, Do it OUTSIDE, lad.
     
  9. super_sop

    super_sop Supporting Member

    brilliant!
    now were did the cleaner put that bleach! 8)
     
  10. Dave Euph

    Dave Euph Member

    I'm draining the car as I speak! Hope you don't run into me on the road next time! :D
     
  11. tubafran

    tubafran Active Member

    25 Bleach

    If you want to see what happens when you use the wrong bleach - type in "bleach+brake fluid" on a search engine and it comes up with some nutter doing this. 11 photographs of complete nothing. However there is a description elsewhere of what should happen.

    Not given the links as this may be considered by our mods to be inappropriate.
     
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  13. mikelyons

    mikelyons Supporting Member

    Children watching? :lol:
     
  14. jameshowell

    jameshowell Active Member

    I was planning to, but was just considering the fact that if it was successful enough it wqould still be an issue :lol:
     
  15. jameshowell

    jameshowell Active Member

    Re: 25 Bleach

    I've finally found the site you were referring to. but maybe opeople should be careful when searching for it, I inadvertantly came accross some rather suspect looking explosives at home sites (given the current political climate!)
     

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