Chat up lines - Best and worst!

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by flugel_fancy, Dec 30, 2007.

  1. flugel_fancy

    flugel_fancy Member

    A converstion yesterday led to best and worst chat up lines you've ever heard/used. Any particular ones that stick your head?

    Mine was to tell this particular gentleman that I liked his belt. Needless to say he said 'oh, thanks' and turned back around and carried on putting his Bass away! I walked away thinking 'Oh god did I really just say that??!' Won't be trying that one again :redface: :redface:

    How about you guys? Any funnies or is there one out there that actually started a life long partership? :tongue:


    P.s Don't forget to keep these clean please :biggrin:
  2. TheKnightTemplar

    TheKnightTemplar New Member

    " Hows yer flask " is an unorthodox line for anyone to use I suppose, but it does seem to have hit the right heart strings of a young lady whose wellbeing I was querying during a cold wintery outdoor gig in Sheffield. :wink:
    (Thanks to Frosty, Fate & Co.)

    Mr T.
  3. Brian Kelly

    Brian Kelly Active Member

    While we were out carol-playing this year, one of the young ladies in the band was collecting while wearing a rather fetching santa mini-dress.

    Bloke goes and puts something in her collecting box, and says:

    "Do you know what I want for Christmas"?
    "No, what?"
    "Your number"

    He didn't get it.
  4. steve butler

    steve butler Active Member

    AYUP FF, how do ya fancy coming up North for a real man?
    I've got some lovely silk underwear we can both try on.

    PS I keep them clean of course :wink:
  5. Hells Bones

    Hells Bones Active Member

    Always rely on Mr B for the Comic Relief!

    A mate of mine who used to play in my quartet when I lived up North tried it on with a horn player.

    "I'm a trombone player!"
    "I do it in seven positions."
    "*Exasperated sigh*"

    The good old Trombone Player's pick up line! HAHAHAHA
    P.S. He hasn't lived that one down yet!
  6. Cornet Nev.

    Cornet Nev. Member

    Well this reminds me of something I saw earlier, if only because it starts with a mention of pick-ups and chat-ups and stuff.


    ,A sad middle aged chap writes a letter to Santa in the hope of having a buxom lass delivered down the chimney! Note: This poem was created in Lancashire - (It helps if you imagine the accent!)


    Now I've tried all the normal approaches
    All the pick-ups an' chat-ups an' stuff
    Tried mi hand at so-phistication
    Wi' some girls who were nowt if not rough,
    I've been seen down the discos an' dances
    Bought cocktails for them as were broke
    In mi quest for the perfect companion
    Who'd see me as her perfect bloke.

    I've dealt with the best datin' agents
    I've filled in their forms an' told lies
    About how I'm just like a male model
    Wi' tight buttocks an' sparklin' blue eyes.
    I've squandered mi wages on chatlines,
    Spent two quid a minute on t' phone
    Where I've ended up gaggin' for Charleen
    Even though she weighs thirty-two stone.

    I've frequented bars down the dockside
    Where there's ladies that's best left alone,
    An' I've offered mi body quite freely
    But I've allus walked home on mi own.
    So just cos it's comin' up Christmas
    An' I've no soddin' prospects in store,
    I'm wazzin' this e-mail to Lapland dot com
    An' I'm hopin' that this time I'll score.

    Dear Santa, please bring me a woman
    Fer some fun in mi fifty-third year.
    Let's forget all the monogrammed hankies,
    All the socks, an' the chocs an' the beer.
    You could leave me a fun-lovin' floozie.
    Or a perfectly sweet English rose
    An' what could be quite stonkin' is a lass who loves bonkin'?
    Now I really would like one o' those.

    Please bring a voluptuous woman
    A partner, a pal an' a mate
    I can take for a romp in the boudoir
    Wi'out havin' the need to inflate.
    Perhaps I should spare you the detail
    But a session's got nowt to enthral
    When your off up to bed wi' a bike pump
    An' a puncture repair kit an' all.

    Please bring me a home-lovin' woman
    Cos I've brushed-up mi cookin' technique,
    No Spam, egg an' chips like mi mam does
    But dishes that's sexy an' chic
    We'll have seafood an' hot, sticky puddin'
    Drink wine 'til we're Mozart an' Liszt
    Then I'll make several filthy suggestions.
    Till she finds one she just can't resist

    Please bring me an underwear woman
    A lingerie kind of a dame,
    Who loves to wear silky suspenders
    An' doesn't mind me doin' t' same.
    We can twang at each others elastics
    Then I'll climb up the cupboards (top shelf)
    Where I'll fling off mi big, baggy Y-Fronts
    An' dive in, like the Devil himself.

    Please bring me a kind, carin' woman,
    Cos I know I've gone well past mi prime,
    But I'm sure I can still do the business
    If I just take mi tablets on time.
    I won't pester no more, that's a promise,
    You won't hear me again, not one squeak,
    So Santa, please bring me a woman
    An' a fresh one each night of the week.

    Author unknown.
  7. leisa

    leisa Active Member

    haha wild guess who that was :clap: :biggrin:
  8. Brian Kelly

    Brian Kelly Active Member

    There's only one person it could have been Leisa! :biggrin:
  9. leisa

    leisa Active Member

    that is true, katie i take it? although i wouldnt put it past nikki either :rolleyes:
  10. Brian Kelly

    Brian Kelly Active Member

    You're right, it was Katie!:biggrin:
  11. Mesmerist

    Mesmerist Well-Known Member

    Worst chat up line - No there are enough randoms on here already

    Best - from Mr B - "do you want to borrow my eyeliner?"
  12. Masterblaster jnr

    Masterblaster jnr Active Member

    "You smell like the roses in my bathroom" could be a tenuous one
  13. steve butler

    steve butler Active Member

    I think young Massterb got a dictionary for christmas
  14. Mesmerist

    Mesmerist Well-Known Member

    sure it wasn`t a gardening manual?

    I think he needs "Basses are from venus and horns on mars"
  15. steve butler

    steve butler Active Member

    Or. Flugels set the mercury rising :oops:
  16. Flutey

    Flutey Active Member

    I like this one... sent to my friend in a text from an anonymous tMPer... unfortunately we read it during a lesson and got told off for our hysterical laughing!!

    "You're so hot you're causing global warming!"
  17. Mesmerist

    Mesmerist Well-Known Member

    Oh I say!!!!!!!!!

    Must go as mr j is calling!!!

    bye my gorgeous ones keep up the naughtiness!!!!....X

    Oh dear that reads much worse than intended. Quick edit called for (sorry)
  18. Hells Bones

    Hells Bones Active Member

    Looks like we found our new random post thread
  19. TheKnightTemplar

    TheKnightTemplar New Member

    " Can yer play Flugal Lass ?" I said as a were polishing mi Bell end !
  20. Masterblaster jnr

    Masterblaster jnr Active Member

    I can officially say that i got "Horns from Neptune", "Conductors closer to home" and "Cornets from Uranus"