Brass Band Jokes Section

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by The Real Trebor, Aug 24, 2005.

  1. The Real Trebor

    The Real Trebor New Member

    Hi All,

    I’m in need of help with a band jokes page that I’m putting together for our new website ( My current list is shown below but more would be good.

    Cheers all.


    A young child says to his mother, ''Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician.'' She replies, ''Well honey, you know you can't do both.''

    Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?
    A: A tattoo.

    Q: What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit?
    A: ''The Defendant''

    Q: What is the difference between a horn section and a '57 Chevy?
    A: You can tune a '57 Chevy.

    Q: What do you need when a group of conductors are up to their necks in concrete?
    A: More concrete.

    Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?
    A: Saliva.

    Q: What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
    A: They both perceive time as an abstract concept.

    Q: What would a cornet player do if he won a million dollars?
    A: Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.

    Q: What's the best way to confuse a drummer?
    A: Put a sheet of music in front of him.

    Q: What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
    A: A drummer.

    Q: Did you hear about the time the bass player locked his keys in the car?
    A: Yeah, it took two hours to get the drummer out.

    Q: Why did they bury the conductor 20 feet under?
    A: Because deep down, he was a really nice guy.

    Q: What's the difference between a dead trombonist and a dead squirrel in the road?
    A: The squirrel might have been on its way to a gig.

    Q: What's the difference between a cornet player and the rear end of a horse?
    A: I don't know either.

    Q: What's the difference between drummers and government bonds?
    A: Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.

  2. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    Rattling off old jokes.... (again!)

    What's the difference between a free jazz trumpeter and the IRA?
    The IRA has sympathisers

    How do you know there's a drummer at your door?
    The doorbell rushes

    What's the range of a baritone?
    About 50 feet with a good throwing arm

    etc. etc. etc.

    Indeed, your first joke was a 'corruption' of one I used as my signature a while back. i.e. 'Dad, I wanna be a trumpet player when I grow up.' 'But son, you can't do both.'
  3. Laserbeam bass

    Laserbeam bass Active Member

    How do you make a 2nd baritone player get a good vibrato?

    Put the word "solo" above a semibreve