Beware of Trombonists

Discussion in 'The Rehearsal Room' started by Brian Bowen, Oct 26, 2004.

  1. Brian Bowen

    Brian Bowen Active Member

    Not so funny!

    By Randy Jeffries/Weekly World News
    Bocholt, Germany -- A band musician died of a brain injury when the
    trombonist behind him jerked the slide of his trombone forward and struck
    the trumpeter in the back of the head.

    Police say the tragedy occurred as the Gratzfeld College band was

    rehearsing the spirited American jazz classic, When the Saints Go
    Marching In

    According to other band members, trombonist Peter Niemeyer, 19, "got

    carried away" with the music. He started gyrating and thrashing around
    as he played. At one point, he jerked forward and the rounded metal slide
    on his instrument hit trumpet player Dolph Mohr, 20, dropping him instantly
    to the floor.

    "Niemeyer was pumping the slide very hard," said medical examiner Dr. Max

    Krause. "But it wasn't just the force of the blow that killed Mohr. "The slide
    struck him in the worst possible place -- the vulnerable spot just behind and

    below the left ear. "Bone fragments pierced his brain, killing him instantly."
    The incident has provoked a storm of controversy over whether or not
    American jazz should be played in German colleges.

    "I believe the music is to blame," said Gratzfeld band director Heinrich

    Sommer. "I was pressured to play that selection by school administrators.
    But I've always said jazz is dangerous music, Our musicians can't control
    themselves when they play it. They move and rock back and forth, creating
    chaos. If I had my way, American Dixieland would be outlawed in Germany.
    I've been directing bands for 30 years and I've never heard of anyone dying

    while playing a German march."

  2. PeterBale

    PeterBale Moderator Staff Member

    Interesting reading, Brian, but I'm pretty sure when it came up a while back on it was identified as a spoof - could be wrong, though, and makes me glad all I have to worry about is various percussion accoutrements falling on top of me!
  3. lynchie

    lynchie Active Member

    Yeah, I think I heard that one before somewhere... at least I hope it's a spoof! Honest, we're not dangerous people naturally!
  4. Nuke

    Nuke Active Member

    how about they just learn some self control?? anyone??
  5. brassneck

    brassneck Active Member

    .... maybe slide control? :rolleyes:
  6. Bonesmalone

    Bonesmalone Member

    If anyone knows of Richard Orme ( Bass Trom @ Kibworth ) they would agree Trombonists can be dangerous !!
  7. ScrapingtheBottom

    ScrapingtheBottom Active Member

    Clearly the trombonist in question was not given enough clearance - the fault of the MD as usual! :-D
  8. stevetrom

    stevetrom Well-Known Member

    In the light of this tragic event should Jazz be banned as a test piece ?
  9. John Brooks

    John Brooks Well-Known Member

    Thank goodness G Trombones are a thing of the past; fearful weapons those :)

    I see that, elsewhere, someone is looking for a trombone tutor; are these topics linked by any chance :)
  10. Andy_Euph

    Andy_Euph Active Member

    Something I've known for a LONG time!

    I'm sure i'm going deaf in my left ear, don't think its normal for it to ring!
  11. GJG

    GJG Well-Known Member

    And in the same vein, presumably many of you will remember this urban legend?

    [Not new, but well worth repeating all the same ... ]

    "In a misplaced moment of inspiration, Paolo Esperanza, bass-trombonist with the Symphonica Maya de Uruguay, decided to make his own contribution to the cannon shots fired during a performance of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture at an outdoor children's concert.
    In complete disregard of common sense, he dropped a large lit firecracker, equivalent in strength to a quarter stick of dynamite, into his aluminum straight mute, and then stuck the mute into the bell of his new Yamaha in-line double-valve bass trombone.

    Later from his hospital bed he explained to a reporter through a mask of bandages, "I thought the bell of my trombone would shield me from the explosion and focus the energy of the blast outwards and away from me, propelling the mute high above the orchestra like a rocket."

    However Paolo was not up to speed on his propulsion physics, nor was he qualified to wield high-powered artillery. Despite his haste to raise the horn before the firecracker exploded, he failed to lift the bell of the horn high enough for the airborne mute's arc to clear the orchestra. What happened should serve as a lesson to us all during our own delirious moments of divine inspiration.

    First, because he failed to sufficiently elevate the bell of his horn, the blast propelled the mute between rows of musicians in the woodwind and viola section, where it bypassed the players and rammed straight into the stomach of the conductor, driving him backwards off the podium and directly into the front row of the audience.

    Fortunately, the audience was sitting in folding chairs and thus they protected from serious injury. The chairs collapsed under the first row, and passed the energy from the impact of the flying conductor backwards into the people sitting behind them, who in turn were driven back into the people in the third row and so on, like a row of dominos. The sound of collapsing wooden chairs and grunts of people falling on their behinds increased geometrically, adding to the overall commotion of cannons and brass playing the closing measures of the Overture.

    Meanwhile, unplanned audience choreography notwithstanding, Paolo Esperanza's Waterloo was still unfolding back on stage. According to Paolo, "As I heard the sound of the firecracker blast, time seemed to stand still. Right before I lost consciousness, I heard an Austrian accent say, "Fur every akshon zer iz un eekval unt opposeet reakshon!" This comes as no surprise, for Paolo was about to become a textbook demonstration of this fundamental law of physics.

    Having failed to plug the lead pipe of his trombone, he paved the way for the energy of the blast to send a superheated jet of gas backwards through the mouthpiece, which slammed into his face like the hand of fate, burning his lips and face and knocking him mercifully unconscious.

    The pyrotechnic ballet wasn't over yet. The force of the blast was so great it split the bell of his shiny new Yamaha trombone right down the middle, turning it inside out while propelling Paolo backwards off the riser. For the grand finale, as Paolo fell to the ground, his limp hands lost their grip on the slide of the trombone, allowing the pressure of the hot gases to propel the slide like a golden spear into the head of the third clarinetist, knocking him senseless.

    The moral of the story? The next time a trombonist hollers "Watch this!" you'd better duck!"
  12. ScrapingtheBottom

    ScrapingtheBottom Active Member

    Only the left ear? 2nd Trombonist needs to 'balance up' then.
  13. Richard Orme

    Richard Orme Member

    You Git Tony aka Bonesmalone :oops: :x :)
  14. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    Where it says 'Bone fragments pierced his brain', I can sympathise. I've had 'bone' fragments (i.e. what comes out of the bell) piercing my brain with the sheer volume they produce... :) (Joking, trombonists... :D)
  15. lynchie

    lynchie Active Member

    You're just jealous ;)
  16. Dave Payn

    Dave Payn Active Member

    Pardon? Didn't quite catch that. Hearing's going. Must be all those trombonists blasting in my ear... :) ;)
  17. brassneck

    brassneck Active Member

    ... no need for hairdryers in the section in front then? (explains some of the current hairstyles on show at contests) :rolleyes:

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