Beer Troubleshooting Chart

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by MRSH, Nov 29, 2005.

  1. MRSH

    MRSH Supporting Member

    Messages:
    1,549
    Location:
    North Lancing
    Just think about all those lovely Friday/Saturday nights. And then think about the morning after :D

    SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
    FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
    ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

    SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
    FAULT: Improper bladder control.
    ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

    SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
    FAULT: Glass empty.
    ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer

    SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
    FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
    ACTION: Have yourself lashed to bar.

    SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
    FAULT: You have fallen forward.
    ACTION: See above.

    SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
    FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
    ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

    SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
    FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
    ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

    SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
    FLOOR: You are being carried out.
    ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

    SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
    FAULT: Bar has closed.
    ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

    SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
    FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
    ACTION: Cover mouth.

    SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
    FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
    ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

    SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
    FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
    ACTION: Punch him.

    SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
    FAULT: You have been in a fight.
    ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

    SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
    FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
    ACTION: See if they have free beer.

    SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
    FAULT: The beer is too weak.
    ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

    SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
    FAULT: Beer is just right.
    ACTION: Play air guitar.
     
  2. Di

    Di Active Member

    Messages:
    23,696
    Haha, funny, I've seen them before, a long time ago, but still very funny. But getting "lashed to the bar", isn't that a bit drastic. ;)
     
  3. DaveR

    DaveR Active Member

    Messages:
    5,202
    Location:
    Reading, UK
    I prefer getting lashed at the bar......:)

    DaveR
     
  4. almost a musician

    almost a musician Member

    Messages:
    40
    Location:
    chesterfield
    both

    or even better both.

    hmmmmmmmm beer, sorry long weekend. its a hard life bein a rockstar:cool:
     
  5. Steve

    Steve Active Member

    Messages:
    2,331
    Location:
    Huddersfield
    SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
    FAULT: The beer is too weak.
    ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

    SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
    FAULT: Beer is just right.
    ACTION: Play air guitar.

    Love those two, so many 70's 80's club memories
     
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