And God created the North?????

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Chat' started by MRSH, Jul 1, 2004.

  1. MRSH

    MRSH Supporting Member

    They like to kid themselves...and considering I'm from "down South" I think I'm very offended by this joke :roll: :roll: :roll:

    Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him on the seventh day resting.

    He enquired of God, "Where have you been?" God pointed downwards through the clouds.

    "Look Michael, look what I've made" said God.

    Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

    "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and its going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

    God explained, pointing down to different parts of the Earth, "For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot and Russia will be a cold spot.

    Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people."

    God continued, pointing to the different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

    The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to another area of land and asked, "What's that?"

    "Ah," said God. "That's the north of England, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful people, seven great cities in Yorkshire alone, and many impressive towns; it is the home of the world's finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, explorers and politicians. The people from North England are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as speakers of truth."

    Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed,"What about balance God, you said there will be balance?"

    God replied very wisely, "Wait till you see the set of *beep*ers I'm putting down South!!"
  2. sunny_jimbob

    sunny_jimbob Member

    Arf! Me likey! *sends to all southerners at work*
  3. Liz Courts

    Liz Courts Active Member

    :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
    :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:
    Truely offended...!!
    :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:
    :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

  4. lynchie

    lynchie Active Member

    good work... although the Irish seem to be lacking any balance to amazing, wonderful people living there... oh wait... Ian Paisley... of course!
  5. drummergurl

    drummergurl Active Member

    LOL :D :D apparently im clever then
  6. bruceg

    bruceg Active Member

    First time I saw this post it was a Scotland - England version and I laughed a lot. It still makes me laugh as a Northerner - Southerner thing though :D
  7. Andy_Euph

    Andy_Euph Active Member

    Come on the North :!: We are the daddies :!:
  8. Dave Euph

    Dave Euph Member

    I've heard a similar one about Yorkshire and Lancashire! :p
  9. Mrs Fruity

    Mrs Fruity Member

    Of course you realise the North of England means north of Harrogate, before all you Yorkshiremen start chuckling uncontrollably. :roll: :shock: :lol:
  10. JessopSmythe

    JessopSmythe Active Member

    In a similar vein :-

    A foreign tourist in the UK decides to have a look at some the churches and cathedrals as he moves around. Starting in Scotland, he visits St Giles' Cathedral, Edinburgh and sees an ornate gold telephone with a sign saying "Talk Direct to God. Only £100". Liking the idea but being a bit short of cash he carries on his tour and sees similar phones and signs as he works his way south to St Pauls in London where the price is now £150. When questioned, the clergy put this down to the extra costs involved in running any business in London. Finally, nearing the end of holiday he reaches Llandaff Cathedral in Cardiff. To his surprise the signs here read "Talk Direct to God. Only £10" Thinking that it must be a misprint, he asks one of the attendant clergy why it's so much cheaper than all the other places he's been. The reply comes back "Ahh. Local call, see"
  11. Straightmute

    Straightmute Active Member

    Phew. So nearly a savvanna. 8)

  12. akwarose

    akwarose Active Member

    ahhh, well that explains it then... i'm clearly meant to be a northerner, there was obviously a mix up somewhere down the line.....

    :roll: :wink:
  13. Well Worth It

    Well Worth It Active Member

    GOD IS A MANC!!!

    He better be a red, otherwise I'm going to the other place of my own free will.
    *coughs* Like I have a choice.....
  14. MRSH

    MRSH Supporting Member

    Actually - I think he's a blue least that's what my wife tells me :oops: 8) :lol: :?
  15. Well Worth It

    Well Worth It Active Member

    I know Rooney's good but he can't even SPELL deity!
  16. sugarandspice

    sugarandspice Active Member

    I'll second that!!- at least we can talk properly!! :D :p :D
  17. nickjones

    nickjones Active Member

    I have heard this before with Welsh and English etc.......he gave us lovely mountains ,clear waters , beautiful people and balance it out look at the neighbours we have :wink:
    still this is a joke........
  18. sugarandspice

    sugarandspice Active Member

    Don't you start aswell!! :p :D
  19. ScrapingtheBottom

    ScrapingtheBottom Active Member

    No you can't talk proper at all!

    All this 'ow's yer father, apple 'n' pears nonsense is rubbish.

    And, tha's got nowt moist!
  20. sugarandspice

    sugarandspice Active Member

    think you will find that that is somerset not cornwall!